Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

This support group has been a god send! I am more accepting of my husband's dementia and don't get upset over all the little things he does. Realizing that so many have spouses with hearing problems that aren't related to needing hearing aids and is more a matter of being able to process what is being said, has made me accept it for what it is. This past weekend I attended a family reunion and saw one young nephew (30) so crippled from a severe car accident that he could barely walk and is no longer capable of working to support himself. My brother-in-law is completely incapacitated with MS. And yet another young relative around 12 years old has severe autism, doesn't speak but screams and flails his limbs without control. Comparatively, I don't have it so bad. My husband is mobile and can talk (though he doesn't always make sense). We have good days and bad days. But I can handle the bad days for now. And I treasure the good days. And my husband is not in any pain. I am so thankful for that. I am counting my blessings.

I know this an old discussion but your situation is just like mine. My husband has always been a wonderful spouse and is still a caring husband. I am struggling so much. I miss our relationship. He has few memories of our life together. He is still independent but needs help with anything IT related. He also relies on navigation to get him to places he has been many times. I am struggling with my new reality. I have many friends but I try to cover for him and don’t know how to handle our social circle. Do you share you situation with friends? How do you handle social gatherings. He has always been on the quiet side but now he struggles to have conversations. Any thoughts. I feel like I need to discuss this with someone. I am totally stressed trying to hide it from our friends.

So sorry you are dealing with this. Nothing prepares us for this journey. Each family and social group is different and it is hard to know how much and when to share.

Working with a talented therapist might be something to consider. Helped me greatly to unpack the feelings: the loss, grief, anger, etc. This is a grieving process you are going through -- the slow painful loss of what was, what might have been and your new reality. Having others to help you through this -- be they very understanding and close friends, family, a religious person (priest/rabbi, etc.), and/or therapists -- is key. Trying to do this solo or to "hide it all" will just exhaust you and one cannot just hold this all in.

Having a support group for you, for your mental health and well being is imperative. If they are true friends -- not just acquaintances you keep up a mask for -- your true friends will be there for you and you need to let them in. They love you and would want to help; even if that is just listening to you vent, cry or yell.

Hugs and know you are not alone. There are local support groups in addition to these "blog-type" groups. Hope you find a good fit with such a group. And hope your true friends can help support you.

Thank you for your reply. I live in an area that is fairly remote so finding a group that physically meets would be almost impossible. When I have looked for groups that meet online I only see full blown dementia support groups and don’t know if my situation would apply to the group. My husband is still with it enough to play golf, drive, manage everyday life but needs help with certain tasks. For example he was always capable of putting together furniture and toys and now struggles to follow directions. He was an avid baseball fan and still enjoys watching the games but has a hard time remembering the players and their standings. Life has changed. I am constantly worried he will get scammed and share personal things like social security numbers …. He has done this once and now I have locked his social and hus credit. I take life on a day to day basis.

Why waste the energy hiding it from your friends? If they are truly your friends you will need them for support.
I feel I will not host any more social gatherings, and limit attending social get-togethers based on circumstances. Sometimes it's just not worth it, since I don't enjoy myself worrying about what my husband will do next.
All the best. 🫂

Some times I feel the same way but we live in a 55 and older community with lots of planned activities. The little I know of this condition, recommends socializing, as one of the things to do to avoid further decline. I encourage him to exercise and eat healthy and to limit cocktails which is not always easy

I am just wondering if your spouses are aware of their own decline. My husband refuses to acknowledge his own limitations. I know he compensates by writing notes for everything. If he goes to the supermarket for two things like milk and bread he writes a shopping list.

No, my husband has no idea of his issues. It's called anosognosia, no self awareness.

I'm with you. My story is too long to tell here except married 40 years and to be brutally honest, I'm not sure I would have signed up for this if I thought my remaining years would be such a challenge to my peace of mind. What sometimes sustains me is that I'm a believer that there is a reason for everything and that is that sometimes our greatest challenges and resulting discomfort helps us learn more patience, to stop resisting (causes suffering) and be less reactive. But that means I have to stay conscious and aware to catch myself when I'm on the verge of being annoyed. I find it very difficult to work with the saying "Only my thoughts make me suffer."
So just know here's one more person who is supporting you from afar. (Lakeland, FL)

This is all so very difficult, as you and others have mentioned…but the fear of being scammed is pretty terrifying to me, also!