Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

My husband has had memory problems a good portion of our marriage. We have been married 50+ years. He has had at least 2 concussions from automobile accidents. About 10 years ago he was diagnosed with vascular dementia, following some TIA’s. He was begun on Aricept and Namenda. I couldn’t really see any improvement. He stopped taking the meds of his own accord. He has now begun using words that aren’t real words, having blank stare episodes, and forgetting lots of things. He saw another neurologist who said he has mild cognitive impairment and restarted the two meds. I might see some improvement but he still has these episodes of confusion. He never talks to me and sits in his recliner most of the day doing nothing. If I try to engage him in conversation, he acts like a toddler, pouts, and goes to bed. I get the silent treatment for several days. I still work 12 hour shifts at the hospital as a nurse. I work PRN, but sometimes those hours add up to 3 days a week. I’m trying to balance work and home alone without help. He gets very mean if I ask him to help out with the chores. My sister keeps telling me I should retire (I’m almost 70) but work is my only saving grace. I have no friends outside of work and church and I pretty much keep everything bottled up inside. I’d like to do some traveling but he’s no fun to be with on a trip, so I just go alone with a travel group. There has to be more to life than this.

My husband has had memory problems a good portion of our marriage. We have been married 50+ years. He has had at least 2 concussions from automobile accidents. About 10 years ago he was diagnosed with vascular dementia, following some TIA’s. He was begun on Aricept and Namenda. I couldn’t really see any improvement. He stopped taking the meds of his own accord. He has now begun using words that aren’t real words, having blank stare episodes, and forgetting lots of things. He saw another neurologist who said he has mild cognitive impairment and restarted the two meds. I might see some improvement but he still has these episodes of confusion. He never talks to me and sits in his recliner most of the day doing nothing. If I try to engage him in conversation, he acts like a toddler, pouts, and goes to bed. I get the silent treatment for several days. I still work 12 hour shifts at the hospital as a nurse. I work PRN, but sometimes those hours add up to 3 days a week. I’m trying to balance work and home alone without help. He gets very mean if I ask him to help out with the chores. My sister keeps telling me I should retire (I’m almost 70) but work is my only saving grace. I have no friends outside of work and church and I pretty much keep everything bottled up inside. I’d like to do some traveling but he’s no fun to be with on a trip, so I just go alone with a travel group. There has to be more to life than this.

@beverlyhaynes55
I have MCI. My suggestion for you is to watch videos on YouTube regarding dementia and the roll of a caregiver. There are many.

I have watched many videos from many different people. Some have had good advice, some not so much. I’m trying to learn a second language in an attempt to occupy my mind.

My spouse has MCI associated with his Parkinson’s . It started out mild at first but now 6 years later it is - in my mind- severe. He now gets lost in the house, needs cues for everything, has toileting issues, and multiple other things he used to be able to do. I understand what you mean by lonely , as he no longer communicates . I am now to the point that I have decided to get help to come in a few days a week and then my next step will be to find a therapist to talk to to deal with exactly all the emotions you expressed.

My spouse has MCI associated with his Parkinson’s . It started out mild at first but now 6 years later it is - in my mind- severe. He now gets lost in the house, needs cues for everything, has toileting issues, and multiple other things he used to be able to do. I understand what you mean by lonely , as he no longer communicates . I am now to the point that I have decided to get help to come in a few days a week and then my next step will be to find a therapist to talk to to deal with exactly all the emotions you expressed.

I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. 🫂
What I struggle with is making every decision by myself now, because my husband does not seem to care or just goes along with whatever I decide. I still ask for his input so he doesn't feel left out.
I have started to just take charge regarding our yard work, since nothing would get done if I didn't take action.
All the best to you and your tiger.

Yes, I have been taking on more and more. Pretty much everything now since dx 3 years ago. It’s exhausting. I also try to keep the peace daily as he gets agitated with the “small stuff” and needs to have me near by 24/7. We’ve been going to Cognitive Therapy together for about 6 weeks since he thinks this is the magic doorway to get his drivers license reinstated.
I’ve noticed incremental decline in him in the last month and believe all of these efforts are staving off the inevitable. I feel that I have so much on my plate that I’m not as sharp as I used to be, like I should be tested as well. It’s taking a toll, as you all know. I now know how the frog felt when put in a pot of cold water and placed on the stove.