@peach. Thank you for understanding - though I know going through what we went through is a huge price to pay for u understanding! You are a strong, brave woman! So good to be able to share with you. (I am 57.) I probably did not receive your other posts. I get an e-mail regarding some posts but not all on the topic at hand for some reason. I also agree with you 100% about judges. Who knows how many lives have been ruined because of bad judges? Also agree wirh the need for more and better mental health care! Thanks so much, Peach. God bless you!
Hi everyone , I also suffer from drug resistant depression and come from an abusive background. PTSD is a part of my life as well. In your posts I learned that there are other people who suffer from debilitating fatigue as well. It is nice to know that I am not alone . I am new to this forum and I am grateful to have found you here! Thistime of year is very difficult for my due the Seasonal Affective Disorder. For some reason it starts early for me.
@curly, I have treatment resistant major depression. After 15 years of drugs and therapy, life is still a struggle, with depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder and suicidal thoughts. Right now, my hemoglobin and iron are really low, and I have to see a hematologist in 2 weeks. Two days ago, I saw an ENT doctor because I have swallowing problems, and she said I might have Huntington's Disease. That didn't make the depression and anxiety any better, for sure.
Low iron means anemia, which means no energy, always tired.
I have to stop and go wash the dinner dishes. I don't feel like it, but skipping a day just makes the job bigger.
@peach To forgive does not mean you must hang around with your sisters or you haven't really forgiven them. Forgiveness is more for you. To me, forgiveness means I stop rabidly hating the person, and I do not want to seek revenge in any manner. (Justice is not the same as revenge.) And perhaps there are other aspects of forgiveness that can bring peace. But it most certainly does not mean I must be able to have a relationship with or even talk to a person who abused me in any manner. This goes to verbal abuse as well as it can be just as damaging in my opinion. Even if your sisters are unwilling to change, you can still give yourself the peace of forgiving them. I have forgiven my dad, but I never want to see him again nor will I bother myself with attending his funeral when he dies. And realizing he was mentally ill and making a choice to forgive does not mean anything he did was ok nor does it negate the horrors he dealt to me and my sisters. The forgiveness was for my peace, not his.
@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we're talking broken bones stuff). I also was sexually assaulted as a young adult by a stranger. I decided to not let my abuse or past define me. I am a SURVIVOR. I do not need to give my abusers the power to continue to hurt me through flashbacks and triggers. They certainly aren't thinking on it any longer! A huge part of my childhood was taken - they WILL not take the rest of my life. It is MY choice. I am so very sorry you were not helped with therapy. There are some bad therapists out there, but there are many good ones. I am on medication for depression and find it really helps me. I know there are members in my own family who refuse to believe they have a mental illness (two are bi-polar and one is schizophrenic) and they "self" medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. It is so sad, as they are only making their life worse. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It is like any other illness. Your brain is an organ. If you had a brain tumor, you would get it looked at and fixed. But why people have a hard time with brain chemistry being out of balance and causing an illness (just like insulin in diabetes) is beyond me. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is help out there for everyone. Even if it is self education through books. The thing is, you must do all the hard work. Ignore what doesn't work for you and really practice what does. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless (sounds like depression to me - been there, done that many times!). There are even some studies which show brain chemistry is forever altered in children who have been through continuous situations of abuse and extreme stress. But this does NOT mean you can't live a good life. You don't have to be a product of your past. YOU decide who you want to be mentally and daily work to accomplish that goal. I am by no means saying it is easy. It is HARD, emotional work. It has taken me years (and, yes, medication). But I am so much better than I used to be. I, personally, also find my strength in God. I truly feel He has given me the strength and wisdom to move forward. I no longer hate my abusers. I certainly don't want to have lunch with them, but I can cast them aside in my mind with no anger when they pop up. So much is about changing the negative self talk, about replacing a negative emotion with a positive one. I will be praying for you. I know the road is long, but once you start putting one foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how far you have to go, you will see improvement.
@ Wow, Peach. You did a wonderful thing for your mother! Despite all you went through, you still had kindness and compassion for her. I, too, do not understand how your sisters could beat her! That is not justice, that is revenge - which is, in my opinion, so wrong. Now, on the other hand, ignoring her or having nothing to do with her is one thing. However, beating her makes them just like her! God bless you for your huge heart, Peach. What a wonderful person you are!
i do agree with you. thanks for caring. and just a little note of one of many items my sisters have done since the passing of our parents. ....when my husband died i took in 2 boarders to make ends meet. my sister called my ex employers so to have my pension revoked. i was not to work because i retired on a disability pension. but....guess what? this was considered as passive income. so it was allowed. my sisters to this day are still the same which is why i have nothing to do with them. it is a wonderful thing to be different from them. i am proud of myself.
@peach. You should definitely be proud of yourself! Your sisters sound like real jerks. I do not blame you for having nothing to do with them. You are so much better off without those toxic relationships! You are a remarkable woman!
again, you are right. what they did is criminal. ohhh, you should know the whole story. it gets so gross and again what a book it would make. but who wants to read this the horror fans? the last straw was how they set her up to not be buried where she set her affairs to be placed. i corrected that at the end. difficult to believe that they would take away where she would be buried. yes, she was a horror to us but one has to be criminally insane to do what they did to her. i
Yes I do. It makes relating to others: friends, family, doctors, etc.. very difficult. Most medical doctors know almost nothing and tend to make false assumptions & prejudicial decisions toward treatment or non treatment.
I would like to hear other's experiences, in terms of their pain & treatment.
PTSD (largely) created my Fibromyalgia, and the intense pain and agony of seeking treatment, makes it worse.
It's a vicious cycle.
I wonder if many doctors shy away from dealing with PTSD because they don't really understand it the way a psychotherapist might, and may be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. I imagine that it takes a lot of training to work with people with PTSD, especially when there are so many different types of and reasons for the illness. I've found that PTSD support groups can be very helpful.
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@peach. Thank you for understanding - though I know going through what we went through is a huge price to pay for u understanding! You are a strong, brave woman! So good to be able to share with you. (I am 57.) I probably did not receive your other posts. I get an e-mail regarding some posts but not all on the topic at hand for some reason. I also agree with you 100% about judges. Who knows how many lives have been ruined because of bad judges? Also agree wirh the need for more and better mental health care! Thanks so much, Peach. God bless you!
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3 Reactions@curly, I have treatment resistant major depression. After 15 years of drugs and therapy, life is still a struggle, with depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder and suicidal thoughts. Right now, my hemoglobin and iron are really low, and I have to see a hematologist in 2 weeks. Two days ago, I saw an ENT doctor because I have swallowing problems, and she said I might have Huntington's Disease. That didn't make the depression and anxiety any better, for sure.
Low iron means anemia, which means no energy, always tired.
I have to stop and go wash the dinner dishes. I don't feel like it, but skipping a day just makes the job bigger.
Jim
@peach To forgive does not mean you must hang around with your sisters or you haven't really forgiven them. Forgiveness is more for you. To me, forgiveness means I stop rabidly hating the person, and I do not want to seek revenge in any manner. (Justice is not the same as revenge.) And perhaps there are other aspects of forgiveness that can bring peace. But it most certainly does not mean I must be able to have a relationship with or even talk to a person who abused me in any manner. This goes to verbal abuse as well as it can be just as damaging in my opinion. Even if your sisters are unwilling to change, you can still give yourself the peace of forgiving them. I have forgiven my dad, but I never want to see him again nor will I bother myself with attending his funeral when he dies. And realizing he was mentally ill and making a choice to forgive does not mean anything he did was ok nor does it negate the horrors he dealt to me and my sisters. The forgiveness was for my peace, not his.
@ Wow, Peach. You did a wonderful thing for your mother! Despite all you went through, you still had kindness and compassion for her. I, too, do not understand how your sisters could beat her! That is not justice, that is revenge - which is, in my opinion, so wrong. Now, on the other hand, ignoring her or having nothing to do with her is one thing. However, beating her makes them just like her! God bless you for your huge heart, Peach. What a wonderful person you are!
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1 Reactioni do agree with you. thanks for caring. and just a little note of one of many items my sisters have done since the passing of our parents. ....when my husband died i took in 2 boarders to make ends meet. my sister called my ex employers so to have my pension revoked. i was not to work because i retired on a disability pension. but....guess what? this was considered as passive income. so it was allowed. my sisters to this day are still the same which is why i have nothing to do with them. it is a wonderful thing to be different from them. i am proud of myself.
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2 Reactions@peach. You should definitely be proud of yourself! Your sisters sound like real jerks. I do not blame you for having nothing to do with them. You are so much better off without those toxic relationships! You are a remarkable woman!
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1 Reactionagain, you are right. what they did is criminal. ohhh, you should know the whole story. it gets so gross and again what a book it would make. but who wants to read this the horror fans? the last straw was how they set her up to not be buried where she set her affairs to be placed. i corrected that at the end. difficult to believe that they would take away where she would be buried. yes, she was a horror to us but one has to be criminally insane to do what they did to her. i
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Hug
1 ReactionTotally agree with you! Glad you were able to overcome so much to be the kind woman you are today.
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1 ReactionYes I do. It makes relating to others: friends, family, doctors, etc.. very difficult. Most medical doctors know almost nothing and tend to make false assumptions & prejudicial decisions toward treatment or non treatment.
I would like to hear other's experiences, in terms of their pain & treatment.
PTSD (largely) created my Fibromyalgia, and the intense pain and agony of seeking treatment, makes it worse.
It's a vicious cycle.
@nanke99
I wonder if many doctors shy away from dealing with PTSD because they don't really understand it the way a psychotherapist might, and may be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. I imagine that it takes a lot of training to work with people with PTSD, especially when there are so many different types of and reasons for the illness. I've found that PTSD support groups can be very helpful.
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Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions