@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we're talking broken bones stuff). I also was sexually assaulted as a young adult by a stranger. I decided to not let my abuse or past define me. I am a SURVIVOR. I do not need to give my abusers the power to continue to hurt me through flashbacks and triggers. They certainly aren't thinking on it any longer! A huge part of my childhood was taken - they WILL not take the rest of my life. It is MY choice. I am so very sorry you were not helped with therapy. There are some bad therapists out there, but there are many good ones. I am on medication for depression and find it really helps me. I know there are members in my own family who refuse to believe they have a mental illness (two are bi-polar and one is schizophrenic) and they "self" medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. It is so sad, as they are only making their life worse. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It is like any other illness. Your brain is an organ. If you had a brain tumor, you would get it looked at and fixed. But why people have a hard time with brain chemistry being out of balance and causing an illness (just like insulin in diabetes) is beyond me. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is help out there for everyone. Even if it is self education through books. The thing is, you must do all the hard work. Ignore what doesn't work for you and really practice what does. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless (sounds like depression to me - been there, done that many times!). There are even some studies which show brain chemistry is forever altered in children who have been through continuous situations of abuse and extreme stress. But this does NOT mean you can't live a good life. You don't have to be a product of your past. YOU decide who you want to be mentally and daily work to accomplish that goal. I am by no means saying it is easy. It is HARD, emotional work. It has taken me years (and, yes, medication). But I am so much better than I used to be. I, personally, also find my strength in God. I truly feel He has given me the strength and wisdom to move forward. I no longer hate my abusers. I certainly don't want to have lunch with them, but I can cast them aside in my mind with no anger when they pop up. So much is about changing the negative self talk, about replacing a negative emotion with a positive one. I will be praying for you. I know the road is long, but once you start putting one foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how far you have to go, you will see improvement.
I enjoy writing and "if" I were to write a book it would be a happy book with happy paintings-something to bring a smile to the faces of others and not about the darkness and abuse that are so prevalent in the media. I would write a book for my grand children. This will not happen as I live w/ chronic pain and other labels as well.
Laughter, I like laughter!!!! And that was 200 head (bodies included) of horses. Guldern neuropathy!! Can assure you, I will not bare my soul to anyone but God and since He has gotten me thus far...up to Him about how much farther.
I enjoy writing and "if" I were to write a book it would be a happy book with happy paintings-something to bring a smile to the faces of others and not about the darkness and abuse that are so prevalent in the media. I would write a book for my grand children. This will not happen as I live w/ chronic pain and other labels as well.
Hmmm, a children's book would fit the picture of what you describe. Beautiful pictures and funny stories. I'm thinking of something like Robert McCloskey's, Blueberries for Sal, or Dr. Seuss type books.
Just a thought: Perhaps you could dictate the book and then have someone else type it for you?
@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we're talking broken bones stuff). I also was sexually assaulted as a young adult by a stranger. I decided to not let my abuse or past define me. I am a SURVIVOR. I do not need to give my abusers the power to continue to hurt me through flashbacks and triggers. They certainly aren't thinking on it any longer! A huge part of my childhood was taken - they WILL not take the rest of my life. It is MY choice. I am so very sorry you were not helped with therapy. There are some bad therapists out there, but there are many good ones. I am on medication for depression and find it really helps me. I know there are members in my own family who refuse to believe they have a mental illness (two are bi-polar and one is schizophrenic) and they "self" medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. It is so sad, as they are only making their life worse. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It is like any other illness. Your brain is an organ. If you had a brain tumor, you would get it looked at and fixed. But why people have a hard time with brain chemistry being out of balance and causing an illness (just like insulin in diabetes) is beyond me. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is help out there for everyone. Even if it is self education through books. The thing is, you must do all the hard work. Ignore what doesn't work for you and really practice what does. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless (sounds like depression to me - been there, done that many times!). There are even some studies which show brain chemistry is forever altered in children who have been through continuous situations of abuse and extreme stress. But this does NOT mean you can't live a good life. You don't have to be a product of your past. YOU decide who you want to be mentally and daily work to accomplish that goal. I am by no means saying it is easy. It is HARD, emotional work. It has taken me years (and, yes, medication). But I am so much better than I used to be. I, personally, also find my strength in God. I truly feel He has given me the strength and wisdom to move forward. I no longer hate my abusers. I certainly don't want to have lunch with them, but I can cast them aside in my mind with no anger when they pop up. So much is about changing the negative self talk, about replacing a negative emotion with a positive one. I will be praying for you. I know the road is long, but once you start putting one foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how far you have to go, you will see improvement.
Laughter, I like laughter!!!! And that was 200 head (bodies included) of horses. Guldern neuropathy!! Can assure you, I will not bare my soul to anyone but God and since He has gotten me thus far...up to Him about how much farther.
dear parus, i want you to know from the bottom of my heart (and from a million of others i am sure) we love and appreciate you as a precious and good person. keep with us, we are with you.
I think that when I accepted that, barring a miracle from God, I would live with a particular issue until I die, I felt more at peace with it, though I'm still learning to make adjustments to my attitude and my lifestyle.
i am still wondering if i can forgive my sisters. i think they have also inherited some of the mental disease and with the parents allowing them to do what they did certainly did not help.. even with proper medication and counseling some people just like who and what they are will never change. they enjoy their actions. so be it. there are still a million stories in the big city and on this (and other) planets. love yourself first then you can spread it around.
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this is peach again. i forgot: yes i do have ptsd.
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1 ReactionI enjoy writing and "if" I were to write a book it would be a happy book with happy paintings-something to bring a smile to the faces of others and not about the darkness and abuse that are so prevalent in the media. I would write a book for my grand children. This will not happen as I live w/ chronic pain and other labels as well.
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1 ReactionLaughter, I like laughter!!!! And that was 200 head (bodies included) of horses. Guldern neuropathy!! Can assure you, I will not bare my soul to anyone but God and since He has gotten me thus far...up to Him about how much farther.
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1 Reaction@parus Understand.
Teresa
@parus
Hmmm, a children's book would fit the picture of what you describe. Beautiful pictures and funny stories. I'm thinking of something like Robert McCloskey's, Blueberries for Sal, or Dr. Seuss type books.
Just a thought: Perhaps you could dictate the book and then have someone else type it for you?
Teresa
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1 Reaction@peach414144 That is an incredibly beautiful story - thanks for sharing your heart with us!
Teresa
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2 Reactionsdear parus, i want you to know from the bottom of my heart (and from a million of others i am sure) we love and appreciate you as a precious and good person. keep with us, we are with you.
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3 Reactionsi have ptsd i guess i will be working with this forever. but, keep your chin up!
@peach414144
I think that when I accepted that, barring a miracle from God, I would live with a particular issue until I die, I felt more at peace with it, though I'm still learning to make adjustments to my attitude and my lifestyle.
Jim
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3 Reactionsi am still wondering if i can forgive my sisters. i think they have also inherited some of the mental disease and with the parents allowing them to do what they did certainly did not help.. even with proper medication and counseling some people just like who and what they are will never change. they enjoy their actions. so be it. there are still a million stories in the big city and on this (and other) planets. love yourself first then you can spread it around.
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4 Reactions