Anyone Else With PTSD?

Posted by Parus @parus, Jul 21, 2017

Curious

@pendragonart So sorry…lot of abuse too. No one deserves to be abused.

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@pendragonart

yes! severe, lifelong from childhood.

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dear lisa thank you for your comfort and concern. it was either to be strong or die. so here i am. bye the way, my son is doing well, working on a job with a pension and owning his own home, etc. in a way, he helped me as well as i did him. outlook in life is important. peach barbara

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@pendragonart

yes! severe, lifelong from childhood.

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only have a minute to reply but I am 65 and many chronic painful issues physically, daily severe pain, all I believe have developed due to my severe lifetime ptsd from years of flight or freeze facing threat of sadism and even death from people who were also alternately very loving…never knew when my DID mother would turn on me. triggers now still torment me each day. art and animals have been my way out….thank you for your post.

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@pendragonart

yes! severe, lifelong from childhood.

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Hi, @pendragonart — just wanted to point you to a couple other places on Mayo Clinic Connect you may want to check out:

Our group on chronic pain: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/pain/

A discussion on the role of pets in our health:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/what-pets-can-do-health-and-healing/?pg=5#comment-78841

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@parus

I surely am not alone.

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You are not alone — I was diagnosed with it many years ago and lately, it has been rearing it’s ugly self. I, too, suffer from fibromyalgia which has been crippling for the past couple of weeks with no relief other than sleep. The medications I’m on seem to be worthless and I continue ongoing psychotherapy. Although today is my Birthday, I have no plans because I couldn’t even manage to get to my DRS office this week. If I hear from anyone, it will be a miracle. It’s tough for others who can’t see what ails you, frustrating when they don’t know how to help, and probably depressing for them to be around me although I try to be upbeat and joyful around them.
When my sleep is invaded by the PTSD, I wake completely tense and struggle to get up and do something, so the memories abate. I’m hopeful that somewhere, someone will find something to erase this constant pain and give me my life back.

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@parus

I surely am not alone.

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Hello @swtbrooke and welcome to Mayo Connect and I wish you a happy birthday!

I appreciate your post on PTSD. How difficult that is – we have many members who have discussed how it blindsides them and hits them out of the blue. Chronic pain seems to compound the problem because of the sleep disturbances.

If you are comfortable sharing more about yourself, what treatments or lifestyle changes have you tried? I’m thinking of dietary changes, simple exercise routines that would increase range of motion and flexibility and/or meds, counseling or support groups?

We look forward to getting to know you better and I hope that you can find a way to celebrate your birthday today, doing something that you would enjoy.

Teresa

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An old post. PTSD has me by the throat. Okay, an extreme statement. To this person it does feel this way. So hard to trust. So hard to function. The emotional/physical pain stays with me. The physical pain I have been told so many times is caused by depression. Not at all in a good place and there is no one that can change thus except me…currently me does not care. I try to be positive. All I can do. Tell myself it is my messed up head and any physical pain I have is in my head and it is my fault I have fibro, OA, DDD, etc. I am at the bottom of the vortex. Trying to shut up that angry voice of the past. Nothing but denigration from that voice in the growing years. The angry voice was protecting her perfect public image.
A time when I do not make sense.

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@parus Receiving your post an hour ago and still staring at it, trying to answer in my head first and won’t come out. I was brought up to sweep everything under the carpet and that’s what I am trying to do. Yes, I have PTSD that’s all I can say right now. I’ve never talked about it except to tell the Doctor’s I have it and that’s as far as it went. They never told me anything about it. A lot came together after reading your post! PTSD has been the cause of most of my mental illness. It has played a large part anyway. I dream of screaming for help and no one is hearing me or the words aren’t coming out. I will pick up where I left off later when it’s clear in my head..
Lorraine

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@desirea Have dreams like this too. Stress dreams that I cannot shake free of. Have times when I would that I could not think or remember. Hours pacing about and getting nowhere. I still don’t know much about PTSD other than others are fearful because they watch too much TV and PTSD is not how it is shown in film. I don’t tell others as there is no need. They cannot understand and even become fearful. Ignorance can be damaging.
Try not to pressure yourself. Do you have something you enjoy doing? Distractions are helpful once I can get there. I have civilian PTSD.

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@parus my ptsd came out in a flare when I was married to a verbally abusive husband. He was very charming before the marriage… I was 47 atthetime and thought wow where have you been? I fell in love with him. As soon as we married he turned into a wolf. His first abusive words were F*** you!!! I was in shock for the rest of the day!! I thought I did or said something wrong but there was never any reason as to when he verbally abused me. Also emotional and mental abuse. for four years I thought it was my fault but he would never say why. I finally learned to stand up for myself and he didn’t like that. He would scream so close to me.. spit would drool on his chin. A wise co-worker told me that I was being abused and to leave him. It was hard because I am Canadian and he’s American. I couldn’t leave like that. I needed to get back to Canada but without no money. In the end, one Sunday morning he got up as usual and started swearing at me and screaming. Usually it lasts for an hour then he would go to work but this time it lasted 3 hours and I was on the computer. He made this long list of what was wrong with me. He went on and on and loud screaming in my ear and face. I must of broke down because I got up and grabbed all the knives that my hands could hold and told him to get out… he jumped and left!! I was so angry. Within the fifth year we divorced and I moved to Canada. Since moving I became aggrophobic, sensitive to loud noises,people fighting and stay away from couples who argue I almost go into a panic attack. My concentration is way off, I do get angry when being crossed and violent if being excessive bullied and not remember if I did. I have been diagnosed as bi-polar… I cope by smoking and now recently been diagnosed with COPD. Living alone has been difficult but I trust very little… including women. I am sure there’s more but my memory and clearing my head from a long fog has been left unsaid.
I really can’t remember very much between the ages of 16 and 19 years old… I knew I had been raped because I had a child but put her up for adoption. I was also raped 7 more times in those 3 yrs. It has been a fog ever since and started anti-depressants at 20. I am 65 now and still on them – plus more pills!
That’s it for now.
Lorraine

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@desirea I stay to myself as well. I prefer the being alone to lack of trust. Our past sounds similar. I am 66 and my social life is grocery shopping. My depression is treatment resistant (antidepressants do dreadful things to me). I can no longer smoke as it is in the Nightshade family and anything in this family increases neuropathy. The smoking was something tangible and a reason to leave home. I do not break camp unless I really need something. Is what it is. There are things that cannot be changed or fixed and accepting thus has helped me some.
My mind is spinning today. Must be the full moon…grin.
Share as you can. Part of PTSD is angry outbursts at times for no apparent reason. Sounds like your fog is lifting some. Mine started lifting when I was 40 and from there the world became-not sure what.

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You can try brainbiofeedback, meditation, hypnosis and reiki

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@parus

@desirea I stay to myself as well. I prefer the being alone to lack of trust. Our past sounds similar. I am 66 and my social life is grocery shopping. My depression is treatment resistant (antidepressants do dreadful things to me). I can no longer smoke as it is in the Nightshade family and anything in this family increases neuropathy. The smoking was something tangible and a reason to leave home. I do not break camp unless I really need something. Is what it is. There are things that cannot be changed or fixed and accepting thus has helped me some.
My mind is spinning today. Must be the full moon…grin.
Share as you can. Part of PTSD is angry outbursts at times for no apparent reason. Sounds like your fog is lifting some. Mine started lifting when I was 40 and from there the world became-not sure what.

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@yes parus i also have ptsd along with many other health issues and bi-polar. when i have my nightmares i wake up trying to breath. horrible, horrible. now at age 80 it is the same nightmares. no new ones. i do not think i dream or is it the nightmares that are the dreams. but somehow we recover from this until the next time. if you live long enough the nightmares are just a little bit less terrible. hold on keep trying it is still good to watch the tv, eat, and everything else. what really bothers me still is the embarrasment i feel when someone finds out of my bi-polar and thinks i am a monster. the public needs to be educated of bi-polar and other diagnosis.

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I don’t know if I have PTSD but was surprised when my psychologist told me that I was suffering from spousal abuse syndrome. This occurred some years ago before my divorce. I’m a male and never imagined that I could be a victim of spousal abuse. I learned several things from the experience. The victim of abuse is often totally unconscious that he/she is being abused. The reason is that he/she usually blames himself. In my case, the abuse was so gradual and insidious that I didn’t know it was happening. I wasn’t being hit or beaten but found out that psychological abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. For example, a very knowledgeable psychologist once told me that psychological incest has the same effect on the psyche as the physical act. I didn’t understand what he meant at the time but do now.

In my case, the abuse took the form of an arbitrary combination of compliments and put-downs. This is considered an effective method of torture and was used on POWs to break down their will. For those so inclined, read Dostoyevsky’s “Crime and Punishment.” You will observe a mother turning her son into a murderer. It is not an easy book to endure. I read about a test that was performed on a group of volunteer psychiatrists. They had to sit in a room while someone read aloud parts of “Crime and Punishment.” First, it was observed that some of the psychiatrists seemed agitated and began to sweat. Then, they began to walk out. About half of them could not sit through the session.

I won’t get into the specifics of my abuse at this time. But I can only say that I was completely broken. My ex-wife had total control of me. I was so depressed and terrified that I tried to take my life several times.

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me as I have since recovered and regained my freedom. I consider this a great blessing and something of a miracle. I would like to give credit to my superb clinical psychologist but he would reject it and say, “You were the one who did the work.”

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@gagelle I know abuse is what has caused many of my physical issues as well. I will not give details of my abusive childhood as well as spousal abuse. Understand the build ups and put downs. I did not realize how awful it all was until I left. I am sorry for the things that happened to us and I am still working hard to overcome the horror.

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