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How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Jake @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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reneew | @reneew | Jan 2, 2024
In reply to @frances007 "in reply to @itchyd Have you heard about the conspiracy between the nose and the mouth?..." + (show)
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in reply to @itchyd

Have you heard about the conspiracy between the nose and the mouth? They’ve got us all breathing!

I have a brief story. In November I invited a former neighbor to move in with me for 6 months while he works here locally as a tax preparer. After finding out he was watching me sleep, I decided he had to leave for obvious reasons. However, he did mention I was breathing with my mouth open, and suggested I put a piece of tape over my mouth. I was not snoring, but did mention it to my doctor. A recent CT scan revealed a deviated septum on the left side, which explains my breathing "method." I will soon be seeing an ENT specialist to discuss surgery. So while the guy was a creep, I did learn something new and why I keep getting these chronic sinus infections. I suppose I should thank the guy for telling me what I was doing while asleep, but I will not because god only knows what he was doing while watching me sleep, and on multiple occasions. I did not sleep for the entire three weeks after he told me this and finally he left after I told him if he wanted to stay he had to wear a mask, which I knew he would not because he did not believe in viruses. When I asked him to wash his hands when he came inside, he told me I was germaphobic. I told him I had to be careful because I have no immune system, and therefore hand washing was important and simply basic hygiene. And while he claimed not to believe in science or medicine, I found a bottle of Viagra on the floor in my bedroom after he left. Go figure.

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Yikes, what a story!

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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 3, 2024
In reply to @itchyd "What's the difference between Tom Hanks and Frosty? Tom's a man of many roles and Frosty's..." + (show)
Profile picture for itchyd @itchyd

What's the difference between Tom Hanks and Frosty?

Tom's a man of many roles and Frosty's a man of many rolls.

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I don't know if a whole lot of folks get that one.

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kamama94 | @kamama94 | Jan 6, 2024

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will think this is punny. Er, I mean, funny.

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1 reply
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kamama94 | @kamama94 | Jan 6, 2024

How does a farmer find new cows to buy? He looks through a cattle-log.

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2 replies
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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 7, 2024
In reply to @kamama94 "There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will..." + (show)
Profile picture for kamama94 @kamama94

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will think this is punny. Er, I mean, funny.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9

But why did 7 eat 9?

Because everyone should have 3 squared meals a day.

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1 reply
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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 7, 2024
In reply to @kamama94 "How does a farmer find new cows to buy? He looks through a cattle-log." + (show)
Profile picture for kamama94 @kamama94

How does a farmer find new cows to buy? He looks through a cattle-log.

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I love cow jokes. They always put me in a good mood.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

2 cows walk into a bar and order beers. One cow tells the bartender, "I'm on a diet, so only give me a Heifer beer.

The other one says, "I'll take the Holstein."

They stiffed the keep when they left and he said, "Damn, and they looked like a couple of big tippers!"

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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 7, 2024
In reply to @captboat "@annewoodmayo Wishing all the best for you in health, wealth, and prosperity! You have been a..." + (show)
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@annewoodmayo
Wishing all the best for you in health, wealth, and prosperity! You have been a absolute delight for me, please don’t stop!

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Aye, cappy..... you too...

Fair winds and following seas to you....

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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 7, 2024

One day in grammar school, the English teacher was correcting an essay of mine and came upon the sentance, "Covered in mustard and relish, I enjoyed the hot dog." She called me up to her desk and was getting ready to give me a dressing down for using a dangling participle when she noticed the stains all over the front of my shirt and said, " Oh, nevermind."

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captboat | @captboat | Jan 7, 2024
In reply to @itchyd "Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 But why did 7 eat 9?..." + (show)
Profile picture for itchyd @itchyd

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9

But why did 7 eat 9?

Because everyone should have 3 squared meals a day.

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How to make seven an even number?
Remove the “s”!

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itchyd | @itchyd | Jan 7, 2024

Now, that is clever, Herr Kapitan!

Speaking of sevens, a long time back, when I was a practicing drunk, a nice cold
seven & seven was a fave.
Now, with that drink, if you take one seven and remove the "s" and add a "t" to the other one, then you're even steven.

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