1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Posted by Julie Chitwood @billchitwood, Feb 25, 2022

Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.

He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.

He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.

Any suggestions?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

janet7 | @janet7 | Jul 16, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Has anyone utilized Medicare's counselling services for family of those with dementia? This morning he was..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Has anyone utilized Medicare's counselling services for family of those with dementia?

This morning he was demanding his credit cards again. Found out that he told his niece (not his kids who know better) that I sold his car without telling him. He didn't tell her that he had said to sell it, that he is no longer allowed to drive due to doctor's orders, that he is uninsurable, etc. Also indicated to her that my 'sister' (meaning daughter) and I might be spending or doing away with his money. His niece, who has known me for over 35 years and has known Bill always had me handle everything, added fuel to the rather than checking with his kids or with me.

So one of those days!

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I think this is what you are looking for:

https://s.healthnwell.com/serp?q=therapists%20covered%20by%20medicare&segment=healthnwell.g002&s1aid=7870290392&s1cid=11675603712&s1agid=113852722699&s1kid=kwd-395409386817&utm_source=adwords&gclid=CjwKCAjww8mWBhABEiwAl6-2RQYmBvXZ229In5qylidu17wdBuynY4H5mqcL6mPad7QkM16zaeYILxoClXwQAvD_BwE
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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Jul 17, 2022
In reply to @carolee888 "I just did half of this video, Hope to work on it tomorrow. Great video!" + (show)
@carolee888

I just did half of this video, Hope to work on it tomorrow. Great video!

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@carolee888 I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've done several of these videos.

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1 reply
carolee888 | @carolee888 | Jul 17, 2022
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@carolee888 I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've done several of these videos." + (show)
@hopeful33250

@carolee888 I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've done several of these videos.

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I want to do more. I had stop because of my back on my left side. Will see my primary on Wednesday and want to tell him about it. I need to be more active but also got figure what is going on in my back!

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1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Jul 17, 2022
In reply to @carolee888 "I want to do more. I had stop because of my back on my left side...." + (show)
@carolee888

I want to do more. I had stop because of my back on my left side. Will see my primary on Wednesday and want to tell him about it. I need to be more active but also got figure what is going on in my back!

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That's a good plan, @carolee888. Has this left-sided pain been a problem for a while? Does it come on suddenly or is it a nagging consistent discomfort?

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1 reply
carolee888 | @carolee888 | Jul 17, 2022
In reply to @hopeful33250 "That's a good plan, @carolee888. Has this left-sided pain been a problem for a while? Does..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

That's a good plan, @carolee888. Has this left-sided pain been a problem for a while? Does it come on suddenly or is it a nagging consistent discomfort?

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It has been there for about two weeks. I put an ice bag on the area, gets worse with movement.

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Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Jul 20, 2022

Has anyone had to deal with family members trying to take over control of the spouse with dementia's finances? Ignoring the caregiver spouse who doesn't have dementia and has no problem handling the finances.

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3 replies
janet7 | @janet7 | Jul 21, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Has anyone had to deal with family members trying to take over control of the spouse..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Has anyone had to deal with family members trying to take over control of the spouse with dementia's finances? Ignoring the caregiver spouse who doesn't have dementia and has no problem handling the finances.

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I do not believe family sometimes! Apparently your family does not understand what “boundaries” are, and so they are trying to take over your financial role for your husband. I understand that money is a real motivation, especially in families, but if they really want to help you, ask them to come over and perform your duties taking care of Bill for a day. Or pick him up and take him somewhere he might enjoy. But when it comes to taking over his finances, it’s “HANDS OFF”.

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1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Jul 21, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "I do not believe family sometimes! Apparently your family does not understand what “boundaries” are, and..." + (show)
@janet7

I do not believe family sometimes! Apparently your family does not understand what “boundaries” are, and so they are trying to take over your financial role for your husband. I understand that money is a real motivation, especially in families, but if they really want to help you, ask them to come over and perform your duties taking care of Bill for a day. Or pick him up and take him somewhere he might enjoy. But when it comes to taking over his finances, it’s “HANDS OFF”.

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In wanting the money they seem to forget that not only do I need it for Bill but myself as well. On my side & part of Bill's, kids want us to use the money to have fun and enjoy life - not give it to them, especially before we die! As it is, we are like most seniors, living on a budget within our means.

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shirleymac | @shirleymac | Jul 21, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "Has anyone had to deal with family members trying to take over control of the spouse..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Has anyone had to deal with family members trying to take over control of the spouse with dementia's finances? Ignoring the caregiver spouse who doesn't have dementia and has no problem handling the finances.

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In our case, two of my husband’s children would try to take him aside and ask for money. This happened repeatedly, but fortunately, Lou couldn’t operate an ATM. Otherwise, they would have taken what they could get and we are on Social Security. One of them is no longer welcome in our home. Sad.

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