Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

@billchitwood
Hi Julie,
I am glad to hear that the change in meds helped your husband (and you)! I'm sure you are feeling more peaceful now.

I realize that everyone reacts differently to meds, but I was wondering if you might share the med that was dropped and what was added? Also, how long after the change in meds did you begin to notice a difference in his behavior?

Hi Julie,
Will’s dementia is almost out of control and our big move back home is causing him more confusion! We are down to days to leave and go back home to Illinois where we have family and friends to help us. We moved here to North Carolina about 3 years ago for warmer weather and to be closer to his son. His son is an airplane pilot and is gone a lot and his wife isn’t interested in us at all. So there is no support here and we’re moving back to Illinois to be near family and friends. However, this move has been difficult for Will, because of losing things and trying to find them again. I believe this move is intensifying his confusion and he is really scared. Can’t wait until we are at home again in our small apartment with few chores and no maintenance for Will.

For years Bill has talked his doctors into Clonazapam, which he loved for sleeping but they didn't like all that much for him (but not enough to refuse it - but did insist on a very low dose). In spite of it he still had problems sleeping. Current doctor took him off of it gradually.

He was put on Seroquel (low dose). They have been very concerned about his anger issues. He has been on it almost a month and I just started noticing that we've had more good days than bad. Yesterday he started 'joking' about being a hostage since we sold the car, annoyed undertone but no outburst. Then last night we were watching a movie and he kept telling me I didn't have to watch it, that I could go 'plot' with daughter Robin. After about ten times of his asking and my saying I was enjoying it, he started to get upset that I was getting impatient with him (his perception, not reality. I managed to get him calmed down. At the moment he is still sleeping. I do a lot of praying for calm days!

Good luck on the move. Having just done that a few months ago I know how hard it can be. Even going back to what should be familiar can be difficult, as I understand it. Bill didn't want to get rid of a lot of things he never used. When I had a lot of storage space it didn't matter. Not true now. Like shoes. I got him ones that the heel allows you to step in and out of easily and non slip. His other shoes hurt (has swollen right leg and foot due to either/and CKD or CVI). Hard for him to get on and slick soles. I hid them away and now they have gone to Goodwill. Figured he would never need them and wouldn't be safe for him to wear as well.

Being next to family and friends is a wonderful thing - even if you are doing most of the caregiving. Gives you socialization. One of Bill's problems has always been wanting me to himself! He was always moving us to places that isolated us. Now he 'frets' over my having family to do things with. Triggers anger. I have had to teach myself to ignore his various punishments if I go out. Hard to do after so many years of marriage.

I have started doing Pilates with Robin - good for my lacy bones as well. He is finally getting to where he is accepting this, especially as we go very early (6am classes) so he is usually still asleep by the time I get home. I find that carving out time for myself is a lifesaver. And actually helps in my reactions to his tantrums.

@billchitwood
Julie
It sounds as if you and his medical team are being proactive as well as working as a team. This is just great. You are definitely making the best of stressful situation. I'm glad that you are finding ways of taking care of yourself. That is so important for caregivers.

Hi @janet7

It sounds as if the moving process will be good in the long run, but it is causing lots of short term stress. I feel concerned when you say that, "his dementia is almost out of control."

Are his doctors able to adjust his meds in order to compensate for the moving stress?

I forgot that they increased his Sertraline. He had been on that since 2014 when we moved to KY. He was having terrible anger issues at that point. His taste also changed and he was having memory problems starting up. My laypersons guess is that he had initial dementia around then - or at least showing some of the symptoms. But, aside from the anger, mild and easily assigned to normal aging.

Thank you for the advice. I didn’t even think about telling his doctor. What a great idea!

Hello to @billchitwood, @janet7, @caregiverwife1 and others who are caring for a loved one who is suffering from a cognitive disorder. I just saw a post by a Mayo Clinic staff person, Andrea Cuc. She posted an August wellbeing calendar that provides thoughts that can be used as "Compassion Meditations" for journaling or just thought-starters to help create feelings of wellbeing.

I would encourage you to use this chart to help yourself through difficult times of transition. Here is the link to this calendar of meditations,
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/august-wellbeing-calendar/

While I'm not a caregiver it looks like a great idea for journaling. After looking at it, will you share your thoughts with me?

Strange night - sometime in the middle of the night Bill started talking in his sleep and pounding the bed. Then he sat up on the edge of the bed - like he does when he is making a night potty run. Only he continued to sit there, talking, and moving his arms around and then bringing the sheet up to his face. He did this for some time, not replying to me at all. Finally laid back down and went to sleep. Then later, he did make a potty run but when he came back once again he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I could only see his back but he seemed to be acting strangely but would not talk and asked me to leave him alone. After about a half hour or so he got up, dressed and went to watch TV.
I followed him. Discovered he couldn't work the remote at all and didn't have his hearing aids in (4:30am) - so I fixed him up. He still didn't want to talk. Later he said he had thought he was dying - but couldn't tell me why he thought that or if he was having pains or anything.
He enjoyed breakfast (waffles) and is watching his movies and seems perfectly fine. Like the night time episodes never happened. Not sure if related to his dementia or his CKD or something else altogether.
Has anyone else had something like this happen? All I seemed to be able to do for him was to watch him in case he suddenly needed or wanted my help. Long night.