HypoThyroid and depression

You misunderstand, I am living stress free as a widow in a magnificent home close to my adult children. I wouldn't dream of taking medication for depression as I am a believer in talking it out and making changes in life to correct bad living partners. But I stayed in my marriage for 50 years, and my husband died sooner than we expected because he would not cooperate with any medical care. My sister took Klonopin and she declined mentally from living with her husband who had terrible OCD and would work on improvement. I have studied personality disorders for years, and am familiar with the problems that can't seem to get fixed. I understand alcoholism well after living with my husband's entire family who drank. That is all gone now in my life and my children and grandchildren dote on me during this isolation, as I stay home and they get me what I need. Some are working from home. I saw a psychiatrist years ago but he insisted on my husband coming for joint discussions and I laughed because my late husband said he had no problems. At one point I feared my husband wanted me dead, but I survived the crisis by being very cool and collected. I won. I am happy and content. Dorisena

I meant to say my sister's husband would not cooperate or take medicine for OCD which helps in most cases. His entire family had OCD. It drove my sister crazy. She didn't treat her diabetes despite visiting the specialist. She became very obese. She lost most of her eyesight. She was not rational at times.
The she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. yes, I know a lot about mental disorders and I believe in making physical changes for bad relationships. However, I didn't do that, just waited until his bad health shortened his life. No one could reason with the man. I inherited well. Dorisena

I want to ask everyone a very hard question. If your spouse is uncooperative, selfish, non loving, and mentally abusive, and drinks every two hours, even in the night, why does the doctor give you medication so you can stand the pain? I told my doctor that my husband had problems and he should give him the pills. He replied that he neve thought of it that way. Yes, I should have left after a few years of his controlling behavior, but I refused to give up taking care of my grandchildren before and after school while their mothers went to work. I knew that if I left he would find me and physically drag me back home.
So I stayed until his health went bad and he died. I took Xanax to sleep for a while but went off the drug before he died because I knew my bad journey would soon be over. I have no need of medications now in my contented life. I have learned a lot in 84 years. I should write it down, I think. Dorisena

Yes, you should write it down. If more of this were available for young women to read, maybe they wouldn't jump into marriage so quickly. Maybe they would recognize their own worth. I'm just starting to see that I have some worth. Even though I'm surrounded by those that would have me believe otherwise. They are toxic people that would like to control me. Maybe if more of these thoughts were available to all women to read, we would have many more happy women in the world. You know how great a world would be if women were happy?

I really admire your attitude toward your family, saying you are all they have. Yes, they need you for what it's worth with their problems.
All my husband's family are gone now except a half sister, and she chooses to not have anything to do with me, which is fair to her since her half brother conned her out of half of her mother's home, and he didn't need the home or the money. I got the money and felt it was not good for me to take it so I gave it to my three children whom their grandfather loved very much. That seemed fair to me. Now my family is about gone except for nephews and nieces who have no interest in me, and that is their choice so I don't push itl I have taken an interest in making new friends that are more suitable to me, and though there aren't many, it is a good thing in our livesl. With this shutdown you can't have big groups at funerals, anyway, so I don't think much about friendships to maintain. I still like to volunteer and to help people who need it. I said I would sew a mask for anyone at church who wanted a medical one and couldn't get out to get it I am giving away beautiful tomato plants that are not needed for my garden, to help the community learn about growing some food. Yes, some people need me because it is all they have. Dorisena

I wonder if writing it down is enough to make a woman see how she is being made smaller. It’s one step. Talking to a trained therapist or a wise friend is more help. She has to believe that she is an equal,even if she has less education or experience or if she is doing menial work while her partner does money-earning work. I have been married to two college professors;even though I was a high School teacher and a Harvard graduate, I felt I had to be pretty and clever and cope with all the entertaining responsibilities and housework.Eventually I had two daughters and they were my responsibility too. I taught them to be self-sustaining while I continued to feel like a shrimp in the salad! Now, with them grown and performing well and being themselves in spite of raising children(but with supportive husbands whose help they demand), I am feeling whole with my second husband. It took realizing how I was feeling and letting it go because we are in retirement together! Yes, together! He tells me what he wants and I do the same. Neither of us is trying to prove something to anybody. We have friends we share. We do things we agree on. If one doesn’t want to.do it,the other finds a friend. This is learning from life experience, and Dorisena you are a wise woman. I get a lot out of your posts. In a way this pandemic has made us all slow down,take stock of what we have and appreciation the basic things, rather than running around to acquire thing and keep up. It is a period of wisdom for the universe.

since letting some of the toxic people go, I have been looking for new friends too. I'll be happy to get back to church and meet new people. I'm new to this church right before the shutdown started, so don't really know anyone yet. I'm sure that there are other women who enjoy doing things and staying happy.
They have lots of groups that get together and volunteer too.
Marie

Hi Dorisena,
In response to the question you posed to the Dr., I too asked this question, and eventually, found my own answer.
I believe everyone has their own reasons for staying or leaving.
I was married to someone who was, for lack of a better word, toxic. When he was good, he was very good, and when he was bad, he was horrid. I chose to leave. I would have died in that marriage. I know that now
After leaving, I Worked hard on my own issues and over time, eventually found the love of my life, best friend and companion. So for me it was the best decision I could have made for myself and family. Having sons, it was important to me, that they would be exposed to healthy male figures. (My father was that for them.)
Later, after many years into my new relationship, I was phoned by my ex-husband who had sought help and for years, had a much better life. He called me to ask forgiveness for all the pain he caused me, and told me he regretted not seeking help sooner. He was very honest and explained he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which explained so much about what was going on while married to him. He thanked me for leaving, he said that motivated him to seek help. I was so set free knowing that my actions contributed in some small way, to his recovery. What I didn't know was he was essentially making peace with his past, and saying goodbye. 4 days later he took his own life. I am so glad he found some peace. But he made a permanent decision for a temporary problem. That was in 2010, the economy had tanked and his very successful business was heading for bankruptcy and he was hopeless about ever being able to turn it around. There's more, but my point is, you can't know the future or control the the decisions of others. I made my choice, and I have no regrets. I hope you don't either.

Hi Susu2, I totally love your post!
Finding true companionship, equal in all things, is a gift few realize in life. So happy you found it. And just so you know, shrimp is the best part of the salad! Just saying:)

I received the same advice.
You were very brave.
I was not.