Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

@mandrake70 As @diannelk mentioned, it is a great thing that your daughter felt okay with telling you about her depression and suicidal ideations. That is actually a huge step to her recovery to better mental health! Be proud that she did this, be happy she will have a way to get help now, be proud that the relationship she has with both you and your wife is stable enough for her to share this with you. Please do not beat yourself up. There are so many pressures on youngsters these days. Please let us know how the rest of your day goes today, if you are comfortable sharing?
Ginger

@gingerw Thank you. I know it's a good thing that she is getting help and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. My own depression isn't good right now since I am dealing with the separation which is turning into a divorce. I worry since my wife doesn't believe that depression is a medical problem and not just something you can beat by thinking good thoughts. She has been pretty rough on me for a while about that. She was crying at the therapist's office so I am hoping that she is reconsidering her ideas. At least as far as our daughter is concerned. I know she will never be there for me so I hope that she will be there for our daughter and not just tell her to 'toughen up' like she did our older daughter when she was having a problem with her host family in Africa. I'm depressed, anxious, and scared right now.

Hi, @mandrake70 - it sounds as though you are going through an awful lot at the same time, with your daughter, your uncertainty about your marriage and your own depression treatment.

I also wanted you to meet @jimhd, who may have some thoughts on all these things, especially right now with your daughter saying she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years.

Hi @lisalucier,

Yeah, a lot is going on and I am not doing all that well. I am staying with my mother right now since I have been having problems. My dad died last year so she has been happy to have me there. My wife wanted me to get an apartment on my own in town. She felt that being on my own would be better for me and show that I was strong enough to get back with her. She told me she doesn't want to be my mother any longer and I needed to show I could be independent. She also felt that I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and it hasn't done any good for me so I really didn't need the medication. I will admit, that last two psychiatrists I saw did more damage than good. I have felt better since doing the ketamine treatments a few weeks but today is pretty bad. I went for another treatment last week and may have to go for more. I don't know at this point. I need to be strong for my daughter but I don't know if I can be.

Thanks for introducing @jimhd.

@mandrake70 As others have commented, you should really feel good that her relationship with you is strong enough that she is telling you her feelings. Also, I think if she is telling you that she had thought about suicide, she really does not want to do that, she wants help so that she won't. She is right, it is not your fault. It's not as if you abused her or anything like that. Depression can definitely be a chemical imbalance. Sure, she may have inherited it, but you had no role in that.
I think now that she is getting help she will be able to deal with all of this better. From my experience with people who have these problems, medication does help. Depression can still happen, caused by situations, but that's true for just about any of us. I think we all have suffered from situational depression at times.
You and she are on the right path. Feel good about that.
Regarding your wife's attitude. There are many people who have that attitude, "toughen up" or "get over it". I hope your wife will come to understand that sometimes that is just not possible for everybody.
We all tend to have reserves of strength that are there for us when we really need them. I am sure you will be able to be strong for your daughter. Please let us know she, and you, are doing.
JK

@contentandwell Thanks. I just got past a panic attack. I haven't had one of those before. I've had problems with anxiety but not as bad as today. I did some breathing exercises and that helped some. My eldest daughter is calling me around 4:00 to talk. She is in Africa with the Peace Corp right now but luckily in a city so she has access to a good data signal. Normally, we can only text or send voice files to download. I don't know if my girls have talked about my youngest's problem or not. I know they love each other very much though so I am trying to decide if I should tell her when she calls or not. She's half a world away so it won't be easy for her to hear. I think I will probably see what she says and not say anything at this point.
I know there are issues with giving kids anti-depressants. I had been able to avoid them until I was in my late twenties when I fell apart. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I was wondering what other options there are? I don't think I mentioned that my youngest wants to be a psychiatrist.

@mandrake70 I think anti-depressants can fill an important role for some people but unfortunately they are prescribed too frequently. Your daughter sounds as if she might benefit from them. I know nothing about not taking them at her age, frankly this is not an area I am knowledgeable about at all. I do suspect that if a person needs them, even when still in their teens, it can help to get them on track rather than have them suffering. That is just my thought and opinion, not based on anything other than opinion and knowing someone who I think might have benefited from having seen some type of therapist before they were in their 20s. When she sees a therapist he/she will probably be able to provide guidance, hopefully. I think it's very important to have a good fit so if the therapist is not someone she feels comfortable with then you should find someone else, but you probably know that already.

I think a lot of people who have psychological problems tend to want to be in the mental health care professions. It's natural since they have problems to want to learn about them and to help other people going through them.

Sorry about your panic attack. It sounds as if you handled it well, that's a huge part of the battle.
JK

@contentandwell Thanks. I'm still waiting to hear back about getting my daughter an appointment with her assigned therapist. I hope they call today. She was feeling good last night and seemed fine this morning. I just worry that she is doing what I do and act the part of being happy. I have tried the "fake it till you make it" idea and it really hasn't worked for me. When I picked my daughter up this morning for school my wife wasn't downstairs. I don't know if she was still asleep or just didn't want to see me. I haven't heard back from the Ketamine place nor the therapist that does CBT yet. I'm hoping I hear something today. I'm having trouble this morning and have been trying to keep focused on work. It hasn't been easy. The stress of the separation/divorce and the worry about my daughter are really bad. I know I should be able to handle it but I don't seem to be able to do much at this point.

@mandrake70 I hope you hear back soon from the therapist and are able to get an appointment quickly.
Perhaps your daughter is trying the "fake it until you make it" philosophy and I think for many people it can help. If you make yourself be happy it actually does increase your happiness. I have even read that if you smile, even when you don't feel like it, the act of smiling makes you happier!

I had some personal problems a while back while I was working. Many mornings I got to work and it was easy for my boss to see that I was on the verge of tears. He would ask if I was OK and if I wanted to go home, but I found if I threw myself into my job that I was able for that amount of time to put my issues aside and function better. Working really did help me. Try when you are at work to really concentrate on your job. It may be difficult initially but hopefully it will become less difficult over time and will help you in the end.
Take care. Don't worry about why you didn't see your wife when you picked up your daughter, it is what it is. She may simply have been busy getting ready for the day herself.
JK