Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

Posted by mandrake70 @mandrake70, Aug 30, 2019

Hi everyone,
I’ve had depression for the past 30 years or so and was on some heavy medications, tried ECT, etc. Nothing worked. I ended up trying the Ketamine Infusions and they worked for getting rid of my depression. I’m still dealing with anxiety and some really bad memory issues. I can’t remember a lot of things that happened in the past and I am having trouble with remembering new things. Sometimes I am OK with making new memories, other times I can’t recall a damn thing. My doctor is telling me that it’s the anxiety and the insomnia that is causing the problem with my memory. Before the Ketamine treatments, it was depression and anxiety that were causing my memory problems.
I’m scared that it’s the medication I was on for so long or the ECTs I underwent at the suggestions of my old doctor. She had me over medicated so I wonder if that could be some of the problems too. I have this fear that it is early onset dementia.
I’m also dealing with being separated from my wife and daughter right now. My wife pretty much gave up on me due to the depression and asked me to move out two months ago. Now that it is gone, she is angry about my memory issues and wants me to come up with a plan to fix everything that has gone wrong in our marriage. I tried sitting down with her last night with a pen and paper so I could get a list of things she felt needed to be fixed and she wouldn’t go over it again with me. I am pretty sure we are done at this point which is adding a lot of stress to my life. She has some issues too but doesn’t believe she does so they have gone untreated. Her issues have caused a huge rift in the family over the years and made my depression worse. I have always been a fixer so I keep trying to fix the marriage. I think at this point, it might be better if I stop trying.
My daughter asked me to take her to a therapist last night because of what she is going through right now and how she is feeling. I will be calling her doctor and getting that set up today. Something else for me to worry about right now and I am really scared for her.

Thanks for ‘listening.’

@gingerw Thank you. I know it's a good thing that she is getting help and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. My own depression isn't good right now since I am dealing with the separation which is turning into a divorce. I worry since my wife doesn't believe that depression is a medical problem and not just something you can beat by thinking good thoughts. She has been pretty rough on me for a while about that. She was crying at the therapist's office so I am hoping that she is reconsidering her ideas. At least as far as our daughter is concerned. I know she will never be there for me so I hope that she will be there for our daughter and not just tell her to 'toughen up' like she did our older daughter when she was having a problem with her host family in Africa. I'm depressed, anxious, and scared right now.

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@mandrake70

@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

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Hi, @mandrake70 – it sounds as though you are going through an awful lot at the same time, with your daughter, your uncertainty about your marriage and your own depression treatment.

I also wanted you to meet @jimhd, who may have some thoughts on all these things, especially right now with your daughter saying she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years.

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Hi @lisalucier,

Yeah, a lot is going on and I am not doing all that well. I am staying with my mother right now since I have been having problems. My dad died last year so she has been happy to have me there. My wife wanted me to get an apartment on my own in town. She felt that being on my own would be better for me and show that I was strong enough to get back with her. She told me she doesn't want to be my mother any longer and I needed to show I could be independent. She also felt that I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and it hasn't done any good for me so I really didn't need the medication. I will admit, that last two psychiatrists I saw did more damage than good. I have felt better since doing the ketamine treatments a few weeks but today is pretty bad. I went for another treatment last week and may have to go for more. I don't know at this point. I need to be strong for my daughter but I don't know if I can be.

Thanks for introducing @jimhd.

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@mandrake70

@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

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@mandrake70 As others have commented, you should really feel good that her relationship with you is strong enough that she is telling you her feelings. Also, I think if she is telling you that she had thought about suicide, she really does not want to do that, she wants help so that she won't. She is right, it is not your fault. It's not as if you abused her or anything like that. Depression can definitely be a chemical imbalance. Sure, she may have inherited it, but you had no role in that.
I think now that she is getting help she will be able to deal with all of this better. From my experience with people who have these problems, medication does help. Depression can still happen, caused by situations, but that's true for just about any of us. I think we all have suffered from situational depression at times.
You and she are on the right path. Feel good about that.
Regarding your wife's attitude. There are many people who have that attitude, "toughen up" or "get over it". I hope your wife will come to understand that sometimes that is just not possible for everybody.
We all tend to have reserves of strength that are there for us when we really need them. I am sure you will be able to be strong for your daughter. Please let us know she, and you, are doing.
JK

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@contentandwell Thanks. I just got past a panic attack. I haven't had one of those before. I've had problems with anxiety but not as bad as today. I did some breathing exercises and that helped some. My eldest daughter is calling me around 4:00 to talk. She is in Africa with the Peace Corp right now but luckily in a city so she has access to a good data signal. Normally, we can only text or send voice files to download. I don't know if my girls have talked about my youngest's problem or not. I know they love each other very much though so I am trying to decide if I should tell her when she calls or not. She's half a world away so it won't be easy for her to hear. I think I will probably see what she says and not say anything at this point.
I know there are issues with giving kids anti-depressants. I had been able to avoid them until I was in my late twenties when I fell apart. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I was wondering what other options there are? I don't think I mentioned that my youngest wants to be a psychiatrist.

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@mandrake70

@contentandwell Thanks. I just got past a panic attack. I haven't had one of those before. I've had problems with anxiety but not as bad as today. I did some breathing exercises and that helped some. My eldest daughter is calling me around 4:00 to talk. She is in Africa with the Peace Corp right now but luckily in a city so she has access to a good data signal. Normally, we can only text or send voice files to download. I don't know if my girls have talked about my youngest's problem or not. I know they love each other very much though so I am trying to decide if I should tell her when she calls or not. She's half a world away so it won't be easy for her to hear. I think I will probably see what she says and not say anything at this point.
I know there are issues with giving kids anti-depressants. I had been able to avoid them until I was in my late twenties when I fell apart. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I was wondering what other options there are? I don't think I mentioned that my youngest wants to be a psychiatrist.

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@mandrake70 I think anti-depressants can fill an important role for some people but unfortunately they are prescribed too frequently. Your daughter sounds as if she might benefit from them. I know nothing about not taking them at her age, frankly this is not an area I am knowledgeable about at all. I do suspect that if a person needs them, even when still in their teens, it can help to get them on track rather than have them suffering. That is just my thought and opinion, not based on anything other than opinion and knowing someone who I think might have benefited from having seen some type of therapist before they were in their 20s. When she sees a therapist he/she will probably be able to provide guidance, hopefully. I think it's very important to have a good fit so if the therapist is not someone she feels comfortable with then you should find someone else, but you probably know that already.

I think a lot of people who have psychological problems tend to want to be in the mental health care professions. It's natural since they have problems to want to learn about them and to help other people going through them.

Sorry about your panic attack. It sounds as if you handled it well, that's a huge part of the battle.
JK

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@contentandwell Thanks. I'm still waiting to hear back about getting my daughter an appointment with her assigned therapist. I hope they call today. She was feeling good last night and seemed fine this morning. I just worry that she is doing what I do and act the part of being happy. I have tried the "fake it till you make it" idea and it really hasn't worked for me. When I picked my daughter up this morning for school my wife wasn't downstairs. I don't know if she was still asleep or just didn't want to see me. I haven't heard back from the Ketamine place nor the therapist that does CBT yet. I'm hoping I hear something today. I'm having trouble this morning and have been trying to keep focused on work. It hasn't been easy. The stress of the separation/divorce and the worry about my daughter are really bad. I know I should be able to handle it but I don't seem to be able to do much at this point.

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@mandrake70 I hope you hear back soon from the therapist and are able to get an appointment quickly.
Perhaps your daughter is trying the "fake it until you make it" philosophy and I think for many people it can help. If you make yourself be happy it actually does increase your happiness. I have even read that if you smile, even when you don't feel like it, the act of smiling makes you happier!

I had some personal problems a while back while I was working. Many mornings I got to work and it was easy for my boss to see that I was on the verge of tears. He would ask if I was OK and if I wanted to go home, but I found if I threw myself into my job that I was able for that amount of time to put my issues aside and function better. Working really did help me. Try when you are at work to really concentrate on your job. It may be difficult initially but hopefully it will become less difficult over time and will help you in the end.
Take care. Don't worry about why you didn't see your wife when you picked up your daughter, it is what it is. She may simply have been busy getting ready for the day herself.
JK

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@contentandwell Thanks. The earliest they can get my daughter in is next Tuesday. I was hoping this week but it is what it is I guess. I ended up calling the clinic and they said they left a message for my wife. She had sent me a few emails today asking for help with a problem but didn't mention the appointment even when I mentioned it. Trying not to get upset about that. We will be talking tonight when I head over to mow the lawn.
I talked with the people at the Ketamine clinic and I have an appointment for tomorrow. One of the owners called me and talked to me about the problems I am having and basically said I was in a crisis. He recommended a therapist for me to see but when I called the guy said he would be going on vacation for the next two weeks. I ended up calling the therapist I was seeing before my psychiatrist wanted me to see the woman he worked with. I am hoping she will be able to get me in to talk. I walked passed the office where the new therapist is supposed to be in town and it doesn't look like they have moved in yet. So probably no CBT at this point.
I'm actually doing a little better right now. The anxiety is down and the depression isn't too bad at the moment. It's strange how it has been fluctuating for the last week or so. I think the ketamine is helping again but I am just having too much going on at the moment for it to work completely.
I understand what you mean about being on the verge of tears at work. I was talking with a coworker/friend of mine about what is going on and almost broke down. She has been really supportive and came in to check on me.

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@mandrake70

@contentandwell Thanks. The earliest they can get my daughter in is next Tuesday. I was hoping this week but it is what it is I guess. I ended up calling the clinic and they said they left a message for my wife. She had sent me a few emails today asking for help with a problem but didn't mention the appointment even when I mentioned it. Trying not to get upset about that. We will be talking tonight when I head over to mow the lawn.
I talked with the people at the Ketamine clinic and I have an appointment for tomorrow. One of the owners called me and talked to me about the problems I am having and basically said I was in a crisis. He recommended a therapist for me to see but when I called the guy said he would be going on vacation for the next two weeks. I ended up calling the therapist I was seeing before my psychiatrist wanted me to see the woman he worked with. I am hoping she will be able to get me in to talk. I walked passed the office where the new therapist is supposed to be in town and it doesn't look like they have moved in yet. So probably no CBT at this point.
I'm actually doing a little better right now. The anxiety is down and the depression isn't too bad at the moment. It's strange how it has been fluctuating for the last week or so. I think the ketamine is helping again but I am just having too much going on at the moment for it to work completely.
I understand what you mean about being on the verge of tears at work. I was talking with a coworker/friend of mine about what is going on and almost broke down. She has been really supportive and came in to check on me.

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@mandrake70 That's too bad that the therapist for your daughter cannot see her until next week. If you haven't asked for her to be put on a waiting list in case an appointment comes available you should call back and mention that. I have found I have often gotten in with doctors sooner than the original appointment. That's too bad too that the therapist that was recommended for you will be away – very frustrating.

I'm glad you are doing better. Every day, or even part of a day, when you can do better is a step forward. I will be thinking of you.
JK

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@contentandwell Thanks for the suggestion about the waiting list. I'll call them back and see. Thanks for thinking of me. ­čÖé

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@mandrake70

Hi @lisalucier,

Yeah, a lot is going on and I am not doing all that well. I am staying with my mother right now since I have been having problems. My dad died last year so she has been happy to have me there. My wife wanted me to get an apartment on my own in town. She felt that being on my own would be better for me and show that I was strong enough to get back with her. She told me she doesn't want to be my mother any longer and I needed to show I could be independent. She also felt that I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and it hasn't done any good for me so I really didn't need the medication. I will admit, that last two psychiatrists I saw did more damage than good. I have felt better since doing the ketamine treatments a few weeks but today is pretty bad. I went for another treatment last week and may have to go for more. I don't know at this point. I need to be strong for my daughter but I don't know if I can be.

Thanks for introducing @jimhd.

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@mandrake70 I understand both the stigma and lack of understanding of depression and other illnesses of the mind. Education is certainly needed. I began to recognize the symptoms of depression in '04, but I realize now that it was there long before that. By '06, I was far enough down in a deep, dark hole that I was attempting suicide. I admitted myself to a nice facility in November of '05, where people who have survived suicide attempts can be in a safe place and get help.

When someone says they are thinking about suicide, it has to be taken seriously, and they need to have someone to talk to who will listen and not minimize the suicidal thoughts.

When our daughter was in high school she told me about her own depression and I think it helped her to know that I definitely understood. I'm glad that our daughter and son always have talked openly with my wife and me. I believe that was really important. Your daughter is blessed to have you in her corner.

It took five years of therapy and medications for me not to have persistent thoughts of suicide, and become more or less stable. I'm afraid that I wasn't much of a husband during that time, and my wife has told me that she thought I should be over it by now. She does understand that mental ill health is just as much an illness as cancer or a broken bone. I think she's just tired of being the wife of a depressed man.

Has your wife talked about depression with a mental health professional? It would probably be helpful to all of you if your family had some education. It might be a good idea for you and your wife and daughter spoke with a counselor together. It was helpful for me and my family.

As for being strong for your daughter – perhaps family counseling would lighten your load. We fathers would do anything for our kids. One important way we can care for them is to model self care. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I think we could reword that to read love yourself as you love your neighbor.

One other thing is that the most effective treatment for depression is the combination of therapy and medications. For many of us, antidepressants will be needed for long term maintenance.

Take care of yourself. Let your daughter know how much you love her, and that you're in this together.

Jim

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