Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

Posted by mandrake70 @mandrake70, Fri, Aug 30 8:37am

Hi everyone,
I’ve had depression for the past 30 years or so and was on some heavy medications, tried ECT, etc. Nothing worked. I ended up trying the Ketamine Infusions and they worked for getting rid of my depression. I’m still dealing with anxiety and some really bad memory issues. I can’t remember a lot of things that happened in the past and I am having trouble with remembering new things. Sometimes I am OK with making new memories, other times I can’t recall a damn thing. My doctor is telling me that it’s the anxiety and the insomnia that is causing the problem with my memory. Before the Ketamine treatments, it was depression and anxiety that were causing my memory problems.
I’m scared that it’s the medication I was on for so long or the ECTs I underwent at the suggestions of my old doctor. She had me over medicated so I wonder if that could be some of the problems too. I have this fear that it is early onset dementia.
I’m also dealing with being separated from my wife and daughter right now. My wife pretty much gave up on me due to the depression and asked me to move out two months ago. Now that it is gone, she is angry about my memory issues and wants me to come up with a plan to fix everything that has gone wrong in our marriage. I tried sitting down with her last night with a pen and paper so I could get a list of things she felt needed to be fixed and she wouldn’t go over it again with me. I am pretty sure we are done at this point which is adding a lot of stress to my life. She has some issues too but doesn’t believe she does so they have gone untreated. Her issues have caused a huge rift in the family over the years and made my depression worse. I have always been a fixer so I keep trying to fix the marriage. I think at this point, it might be better if I stop trying.
My daughter asked me to take her to a therapist last night because of what she is going through right now and how she is feeling. I will be calling her doctor and getting that set up today. Something else for me to worry about right now and I am really scared for her.

Thanks for ‘listening.’

Mandrake, My Heart and thoughts go out to you! Having been having your issues all my Life! I have been on meds for the last 30. They work fine although I still get periods of both anxiety and depression. I am quicker to ID it and how to deal with it. Age is a Great teacher! So sad that we are constantly talk about these and throw $$ at them but nothing changes, except private companies make $$$$.
Our medical profession understands very little about the mind and mental illness!
As for advice, I would work hard at understanding when one of these hit. Learn to ID them. Disapear or just jump off the Merygoround for a bit. Ususally and hour helps me. Take a nap! Go sit in a park. I found with the Insomnia to go to your dr. amd get sleep medicine. I took Ambien for years, just recentl changed to Lunesta! There is such a stigma attached to these. But two things to know about Mankind is 1. You can't survive without sleep. 2. You can't survive without water. If you get a good night sleep it will help deal with the others.
Good Luck.
You have found Mayo Connect, It can be your Life Perserver! I know it has been mine for the last year!
You can toalk and ask questions and no one will think ill will of you.
Sundance(RB)

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@sundance6

Mandrake, My Heart and thoughts go out to you! Having been having your issues all my Life! I have been on meds for the last 30. They work fine although I still get periods of both anxiety and depression. I am quicker to ID it and how to deal with it. Age is a Great teacher! So sad that we are constantly talk about these and throw $$ at them but nothing changes, except private companies make $$$$.
Our medical profession understands very little about the mind and mental illness!
As for advice, I would work hard at understanding when one of these hit. Learn to ID them. Disapear or just jump off the Merygoround for a bit. Ususally and hour helps me. Take a nap! Go sit in a park. I found with the Insomnia to go to your dr. amd get sleep medicine. I took Ambien for years, just recentl changed to Lunesta! There is such a stigma attached to these. But two things to know about Mankind is 1. You can't survive without sleep. 2. You can't survive without water. If you get a good night sleep it will help deal with the others.
Good Luck.
You have found Mayo Connect, It can be your Life Perserver! I know it has been mine for the last year!
You can toalk and ask questions and no one will think ill will of you.
Sundance(RB)

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Thanks Sundance. I'm taking Melatonin right now to see if that will help with sleep. My doctor wants me to try that before anything else. I'm still waking up at 4:30 but at least I am not waking up several times during the night most nights. Last night was a bit rough but I think that was because of the issues with my wife. I'm on Ativan for the anxiety issues. Pretty low dose but it seems to be working a lot of the time. Otherwise, I am off of all the antidepressants and mood stabilizers I was on for years. I do feel less like a zombie now though the lack of sleep and memory issues are really bothering me.
Been trying to rebuild some friendships that I let slip away over the past few years when the depression got really bad. I have almost forgotten how to make friends I think. It's a strange feeling now that I recognize the lack of friends to spend time with and do things with. I have a few work friends that I go out to lunch with once or twice a month. That has helped some. I no longer have a best friend that is local. I have some college friends that I have reached out to but they are scattered across the country (and one is in Denmark). Been trying to get out more but I have been spending most of my time taking my daughter to soccer, karate, doctor appointments, etc. My wife complains that she is a single mother now but I really don't see it with all I have been doing for her and for my daughter. I wouldn't trade the little bit of time I get to spend with my daughter for anything though. I miss having more time with her. My other daughter is in the Peace Corp so I don't get to see her at all. I get to talk with her once a month or so. We text most days. I guess the problem is I feel very alone and am trying to fix that but not having a lot of luck right now.

Thanks.

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MD, There is nothing wrong with taking your daughter to different places! She should be your Best Friend! I wish my grandson. 8 years old. lived closer to me so I could do the same. His father wants nothing to do with him. So enjoy your time with her. It will come back to you in rewards 10 fold down the road.
About 6 years ago my Primary Care dr. retired. They gave me a new one. When this one saw I was on Ambien she suggeted another drug. I went along with her because she promised it would be "Easy"! Ten days after I started it I was on a business trip in El Paso, 300 miles from home, Albuquerque. I started getting MONSTER HEADACHES! Could not sleep. I immediately stopped the med. Called her and she said I sould stop also! I got home. After stopping for two days the headaches went away. Was fine the day after I got home. Went sking with my daughter. That night something mysteriously happened. I think I had another reaction to her drug and had stopped taking 3 days before. All we know is I mysteriously went sleep walking! (Which I had never done nor have ever again!) I fell down 20' of stairs and did a face plant on a tile floor. Evedently I went into the rampage and tore up cabinets down stairs. I came to and looked in a mirror downstarisand saw the blood all over my face. Went back up took a shower to get it all off of me. Went back to bed. My wife woke up an hour later and asked why I was so restless. I told her I had fallen. She turned on the light and my pillow was full of blood. Long story short I had suffered a severe brain bleed. Within a week I was having seziures and then went into a coma for 7 days.
The rest is another story! My pont to all of this is I am tired of doctors thinking they are right. In most cases their knowledge or BS comes from either the govt. or hospital upper mgt.! Your job is to get in their face and tell them what you need an want! Over the last two years I have "FIRED" Several of them for both myself and my wife who had a stroke.
Take control of your body and tell the doctor what you want to do!! As I said sleep is one of the most important things to help you with our illness!!
I don't know how old you are, but something that has really helped me is our YMCA has Special Classes. One of my last doctors I saw 4 months ago for my Lyme Disease/Fibrmyalgia suggested Yoga or Tai Chi.
Have never been into either or doing classes, but what I am taking now is a Senior Yoga Class. Having been sick for the last year I was a physical and psycologically mess! So we do it sitting on chairs and standing.
It has really help me turn myself around both physially and mentally. Look into those in your area. Mine meets twice a week for an hour. I write it in my schedule every week. I will schedule trips around it so I don't miss one! There are also many support groups that is a good place to go and listen to others. (Sometimes when you hear others problems yours aren't so bad) Just joking!!
Please don't think you're alone! Don't let your family make you think you are wierd or strange! Believe me when I tell you I have been down that road!
You have the strength to show them all how strong you are! There is nothing wrong to ask for help from the medical community, for mental illeness! A short joke is "that I think we all of some kind of mental illness, It just comes in different colored wrappers for all of us!!"
Use Mayo Connect for your first start looking for help. When someone answers you, you can bet they have been where you are now.
Make your Holiday Weekend Wonderful! Go to an event and take your daughter and your wife! Smile and laugh!
Peace!
Sundance(RB)

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@mandrake70 – I also wanted to bring @mrser52 into this conversation, as she has experienced some memory issues related to recent ECT treatment and may have some input for you.

What kind of response are you getting from the friends you are working on rebuilding relationships with?

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@mandrake70, Good evening. It appears that you are now in a good place with Connect. Lots of folks with an experience similar to yours will be happy to share with you and help when they can. I too thought that my memory was a product of the effects of medication and I too was frightened about recent memory loss or foggy brain.

I was encouraged to get a complete examination by a Neuropsychological psychologist. I spent four hours with at least 8 tests that required different mental skills. What a relief…I do not have Alzheimer's which is what my father had. I do not have foggy brain dementia of any kind. I am just way too anxious about way too many things. So…with the help of duloxetine for the anxiety, some self-compassion instead of self-criticism, and dedicated participation in mindful meditation, I have made real progress and feel like my memory is just short of normal which isn't bad for 77.

I wish for you some clarity of thought and purpose. Remember, we, at Connect, are here for you. Chris

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Actually I totally understand what you are talking about first I must say for me personally pharmaceuticals have never been my friend! I think is some cases the different chemicals cause such different reactions in each person! I just feel stress and illness are like a hamster wheel! Some Drs. Can be lazy, I was put on Thyroid medication after 2 years of saying somethings wrong..Everyone knows there bodyI had major side effects like every side effect puking daily etc. I need a new primary care Dr. this one blames my migraines on 2 car accidents in 5 weeks and 6 month coma, in 1967. Came out fine, oops must be tired. What helps in essential oils for me yoga and meditation since the 60s.. Chat later! Just know be your own advocate and Drs. Aren’t always right! My Thyroid pills made me panic like a never had before short of breathe couldn’t sleep eat! So I investigated and found the problem on my own

Liked by sundance6

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@mandrake70

Thanks Sundance. I'm taking Melatonin right now to see if that will help with sleep. My doctor wants me to try that before anything else. I'm still waking up at 4:30 but at least I am not waking up several times during the night most nights. Last night was a bit rough but I think that was because of the issues with my wife. I'm on Ativan for the anxiety issues. Pretty low dose but it seems to be working a lot of the time. Otherwise, I am off of all the antidepressants and mood stabilizers I was on for years. I do feel less like a zombie now though the lack of sleep and memory issues are really bothering me.
Been trying to rebuild some friendships that I let slip away over the past few years when the depression got really bad. I have almost forgotten how to make friends I think. It's a strange feeling now that I recognize the lack of friends to spend time with and do things with. I have a few work friends that I go out to lunch with once or twice a month. That has helped some. I no longer have a best friend that is local. I have some college friends that I have reached out to but they are scattered across the country (and one is in Denmark). Been trying to get out more but I have been spending most of my time taking my daughter to soccer, karate, doctor appointments, etc. My wife complains that she is a single mother now but I really don't see it with all I have been doing for her and for my daughter. I wouldn't trade the little bit of time I get to spend with my daughter for anything though. I miss having more time with her. My other daughter is in the Peace Corp so I don't get to see her at all. I get to talk with her once a month or so. We text most days. I guess the problem is I feel very alone and am trying to fix that but not having a lot of luck right now.

Thanks.

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@mandrake70 Lack of sleep can help memory issues raise their heads. Each person needs good quality sleep to rest and restore the body and brain. How much is the best amount of sleep, is a question for each person to determine. You have received some great responses here, and I would add my two cents, with your permission. Try journaling your thoughts, write down what is bothering you, what won't let you sleep at night. While you indicate your wife needs some help, and your daughter has asked for a therapist, you may also find it beneficial to get some counseling for yourself, even if your wife doesn't want individual or couples help. You may find it will help you face and deal with the issues you face. I hope you will come back and let us know how you are doing?
Ginger

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Thanks everyone. I'm 49 years old. I'll be 50 in January.
My psychiatrist had me increase my dosage of Ativan for a few nights about a week ago to see if that would help with my sleep issues. It didn't but it made it so I didn't have enough for the two weeks he prescribes it for. He said he would get me a different prescription for the Ativan so I wouldn't run out. I had to call him and then text him last week to get the prescription. He screwed up the prescription so I couldn't get anything over the weekend and then he didn't respond to my texts about the problem. I ended up reducing my dosage over the weekend so I would have a more tapered reduction instead of just stopping when I ran out. The anxiety wasn't too bad over the weekend though today it's pretty bad. I haven't taken anything today though I have one pill left. I won't be able to get the current prescription until tomorrow unless he fixes his screw up. I may, at this point, just stop taking the Ativan since I pretty much have already. I think I need a new doctor since he has screwed up so many things over the past five months that I have been seeing him. I got an apology from him but at this point, I am pretty much fed up with him. My previous psychiatrist had me doped up on Olanzapine and Parnate – actually over the recommended dosage of Parnate I found out. She's the one that got me on Ativan and had me do the ECTs. Those were a few years ago.
Still not sleeping well even with the 6 mg of Melatonin. I woke up at 3 am last night though I was able to get back to sleep. Just don't feel like I slept much last night. Even when I do sleep for 6 hours, I don't feel rested. I'm on CPAP and that has been working for a while. I think I need to see the sleep doctor again and see what he says. My psychiatrist certainly isn't helping in this area.
I do yoga a few times a week. For a while I was doing it nearly every day. I try to run each day though I didn't run yesterday or today yet. I may do yoga tonight at the studio. Doesn't seem to help with the sleep though.
I did some journaling but it became repetitious since it is the same issues bothering me each day. I blame my wife for causing a split between my parents and her. She yelled at my mother on her birthday, basically screamed at her and blamed her for all the problems that my wife and I were having, in front of the kids. The girls were yelling at her to stop screaming at Grandma. First time I heard that we were having problems. My mother never forgave her. Later that year, we had the daughter of a friend of my wife's stay with us during her semester abroad. My wife started to accuse me of having an affair with the girl and tried to send the girl off to another state to get rid of her. My parents offered to take the girl so she could stay in the same school district. That didn't go over well. The girl ended up staying at another home for the rest of the year when the semester abroad people took her from the house. My wife and I tried counseling after that. She says she learned a lot from the counseling and that the counselor agreed with her that I could have been having an affair with the child. She also says I didn't learn anything from the counseling. I also spent a lot of time getting blamed for trying to split her and our oldest daughter up. They would fight, I would get blamed, then I would talk to my daughter and get her to talk my wife. My depression got worse after that. When my eldest daughter went off to college, I sank even deeper. I guess she had been my life line at that point. I think I am dependent on my wife since I have put up with so much over the years and still keep coming back. She has a lot of friends so I often wonder if it is something wrong with me.
I think I will be going back in for a ketamine infusion follow up. The depression is coming back and I really feel it now. It's not as bad as it was but they told me not wait beyond four days if the depression came back. Hopefully that will help some.
I'm doing ok with my old friends. I chatted with one quite a bit yesterday after spending the day with my wife and daughter. I have lunch with another today to talk about what is going on in my life. We have lunch once a month. I think it is part of my depression that I am having trouble connecting with people. It's also been a while since I have spent a lot of time with anyone other than my wife and kids. I am having trouble getting out and meeting new people. Just don't feel like I know how to do it anymore.
I'm not sure where things stand with my wife at this point. She and I had a good day yesterday and enjoyed each other's company. I'm just not sure if that will last. When I think things are going better, she shifts gears and gets angry with me and tells me that it won't work out. She told me she wants love and respect and I said the same thing. I guess neither of us has felt like we have gotten that in the last few years. I'm not sure I have gotten that for a long time. She asked me what I had planned for her birthday, which is today, and I said I planned on sending her roses. She was surprised with the way things have been that I was going to do that. Going to make the call for the flowers in a little bit so she will get them this afternoon. I spent some time with my youngest daughter yesterday too. That was really nice talking with her. She was making cookies and we just talked. Then I took her to meet her friends for a last hurrah before school starts.
I think I will be going back to the other therapist I was seeing. She seemed good and was trying to help me out. The reason I stopped seeing her was that my psychiatrist has a therapist working with him that he wanted me to see. She is pretty much as useless as he is. They switched my appointment from a therapy session to a med check without telling me.
I am so tired of life at this point. I know that is the depression and the lack of quality sleep talking. I'm still dealing with losing my father a year and a half ago. Yeah, definitely need to go back in for another ketamine treatment.

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Hi everyone,
I went in for another ketamine treatment yesterday. They said it will take between 24-48 before I start to feel better. Seems about right. I still feel pretty bad this morning. I started taking Diphenhydramine two nights ago to help with the sleep. I slept a little better. I woke up at 5 am this morning but at least I slept straight through. Still feel pretty tired but I am hoping it will help some. I have an appointment with my GP next week to talk about the sleep issues. I ended up firing my psychiatrist after he screwed up my Ativan prescription. Since I am not on any other medication at this point, I haven't gotten another one. I will be calling the therapist I saw a while back. I do need to talk to someone and she gave me some good advice.
I was going to go to Neutral Ground last night but I ended up just staying on the couch. I felt really bad yesterday. Neutral Ground is a meeting group for people going through separation and divorce. I know I need to get there. The next orientation is in two weeks so I will go to that one.
I finally got a straight answer out of my wife about what she wanted. She said she wanted me to be on my own and independent. So basically an apartment or room of my own in town and away from my mother. I can understand her wanting to see me stand on my own but I keep thinking that she will just keep changing her mind about things. I also really wonder if staying with her is a good idea. I don't see her helping me with my depression since she thinks it is just in my mind or from childhood trauma. The only trauma I had as a child was losing my grandfather and my wrestling coach in the same year. I know that was tough but I survived it. I'm not sure what there would be talk about it besides it happened at this point. I think the reason I stayed with her was the kids. My youngest is 15 now and has asked to go to therapy because of stress and anxiety. I worry about her a lot. I think growing up with me depressed and my wife angry has caused her a lot of problems. I'm hoping that she is OK and the therapy will help her.

Thanks.

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I’m thankful that your daughter feels she can come to you to talk, she already has good insight, a big first step. Please be aware that there are therapists for adolescents, then there are therapists for adolescents. If she isn’t connecting with the first one she sees after a time, may be better to ask if she’d like to go elsewhere. Good for her, sounds like she’s going to come out on top of this in the end. Stay well

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@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

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@mandrake70

@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

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@mandrake70 As @diannelk mentioned, it is a great thing that your daughter felt okay with telling you about her depression and suicidal ideations. That is actually a huge step to her recovery to better mental health! Be proud that she did this, be happy she will have a way to get help now, be proud that the relationship she has with both you and your wife is stable enough for her to share this with you. Please do not beat yourself up. There are so many pressures on youngsters these days. Please let us know how the rest of your day goes today, if you are comfortable sharing?
Ginger

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@gingerw Thank you. I know it's a good thing that she is getting help and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. My own depression isn't good right now since I am dealing with the separation which is turning into a divorce. I worry since my wife doesn't believe that depression is a medical problem and not just something you can beat by thinking good thoughts. She has been pretty rough on me for a while about that. She was crying at the therapist's office so I am hoping that she is reconsidering her ideas. At least as far as our daughter is concerned. I know she will never be there for me so I hope that she will be there for our daughter and not just tell her to 'toughen up' like she did our older daughter when she was having a problem with her host family in Africa. I'm depressed, anxious, and scared right now.

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@mandrake70

@diannelk Thank you. We had our orientation session this morning and they will be assigning her a therapist for adolescents. She said that she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years and has been dealing with depression and anxiety. My wife and I didn't notice. I think we were both caught up in our own problems and didn't see it. We both broke down crying later. I think my daughter got my depression. I started with it at the same age she is now. I apologized to her for giving her depression and she just said it wasn't my fault. I'm having a really hard time with this today. I'm back at work and not able to focus at all. I just want to cry.

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Hi, @mandrake70 – it sounds as though you are going through an awful lot at the same time, with your daughter, your uncertainty about your marriage and your own depression treatment.

I also wanted you to meet @jimhd, who may have some thoughts on all these things, especially right now with your daughter saying she has been thinking about suicide for the past two years.

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Hi @lisalucier,

Yeah, a lot is going on and I am not doing all that well. I am staying with my mother right now since I have been having problems. My dad died last year so she has been happy to have me there. My wife wanted me to get an apartment on my own in town. She felt that being on my own would be better for me and show that I was strong enough to get back with her. She told me she doesn't want to be my mother any longer and I needed to show I could be independent. She also felt that I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and it hasn't done any good for me so I really didn't need the medication. I will admit, that last two psychiatrists I saw did more damage than good. I have felt better since doing the ketamine treatments a few weeks but today is pretty bad. I went for another treatment last week and may have to go for more. I don't know at this point. I need to be strong for my daughter but I don't know if I can be.

Thanks for introducing @jimhd.

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