Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

Posted by mandrake70 @mandrake70, Aug 30, 2019

Hi everyone,
I’ve had depression for the past 30 years or so and was on some heavy medications, tried ECT, etc. Nothing worked. I ended up trying the Ketamine Infusions and they worked for getting rid of my depression. I’m still dealing with anxiety and some really bad memory issues. I can’t remember a lot of things that happened in the past and I am having trouble with remembering new things. Sometimes I am OK with making new memories, other times I can’t recall a damn thing. My doctor is telling me that it’s the anxiety and the insomnia that is causing the problem with my memory. Before the Ketamine treatments, it was depression and anxiety that were causing my memory problems.
I’m scared that it’s the medication I was on for so long or the ECTs I underwent at the suggestions of my old doctor. She had me over medicated so I wonder if that could be some of the problems too. I have this fear that it is early onset dementia.
I’m also dealing with being separated from my wife and daughter right now. My wife pretty much gave up on me due to the depression and asked me to move out two months ago. Now that it is gone, she is angry about my memory issues and wants me to come up with a plan to fix everything that has gone wrong in our marriage. I tried sitting down with her last night with a pen and paper so I could get a list of things she felt needed to be fixed and she wouldn’t go over it again with me. I am pretty sure we are done at this point which is adding a lot of stress to my life. She has some issues too but doesn’t believe she does so they have gone untreated. Her issues have caused a huge rift in the family over the years and made my depression worse. I have always been a fixer so I keep trying to fix the marriage. I think at this point, it might be better if I stop trying.
My daughter asked me to take her to a therapist last night because of what she is going through right now and how she is feeling. I will be calling her doctor and getting that set up today. Something else for me to worry about right now and I am really scared for her.

Thanks for ‘listening.’

@jimhd Thanks. I can't get my wife into counseling. She has decided it won't help since it didn't help when we did it 7 years ago. I just got an email back from her saying that our daughter was fine last night and this morning and that she just needed to vent to someone on Monday. I'm worried that my wife isn't taking this as seriously as she should. She was crying at the initial meeting yesterday after our daughter said she had thought about suicide but today she says our daughter was fine and just needed to vent.
My daughter and I have been talking about the ketamine treatments I have been taking and she made a comment about probably needing them at some point. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I have been thinking about medication as well. I will need to see what the therapist thinks after talking to her next week, assuming there isn't a problem with me talking to the therapist. I think it should be OK.
I've been trying to work on self-love for the last few months but it has been difficult. I have some support from a few friends and my mother – I am trying not to burden the kids with how I am doing. And am trying to find a therapist for myself. Waiting to hear back from the last one I called.

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@mandrake70

@jimhd Thanks. I can't get my wife into counseling. She has decided it won't help since it didn't help when we did it 7 years ago. I just got an email back from her saying that our daughter was fine last night and this morning and that she just needed to vent to someone on Monday. I'm worried that my wife isn't taking this as seriously as she should. She was crying at the initial meeting yesterday after our daughter said she had thought about suicide but today she says our daughter was fine and just needed to vent.
My daughter and I have been talking about the ketamine treatments I have been taking and she made a comment about probably needing them at some point. I'm hoping the therapy will help but I have been thinking about medication as well. I will need to see what the therapist thinks after talking to her next week, assuming there isn't a problem with me talking to the therapist. I think it should be OK.
I've been trying to work on self-love for the last few months but it has been difficult. I have some support from a few friends and my mother – I am trying not to burden the kids with how I am doing. And am trying to find a therapist for myself. Waiting to hear back from the last one I called.

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@mandrake70 I know that a lot of people try to get a depressed friend or family member to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, another variation on the fake it idea. I was in a NAMI class a couple of years ago, and a woman told us that her boyfriend happened to stop by the night before, just after she had attempted suicide. She would have died if he hadn't shown up. A woman in the group said "suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem." She got pretty angry with me when I spoke up (very out of character for me) and told her and the group that when a person is planning their demise they aren't in a rational mind. Telling her that does no good and is probably counterproductive.

Anyway, I'm very sorry to hear that your wife thinks that your daughter just needed to talk, and is fine today. If you or your daughter had a case of the blues, you could fake happiness and thus feel better. But the blues and major depression are two very different conditions, especially if thoughts about wanting to die accompany it. Major depression, also called chronic or clinical depression, is diagnosed if the depression lasts for more than a few weeks. I don't remember the details but you can Google depression quiz and learn more. Am I right in thinking that you already know that you have major depression? And maybe your daughter?

I was 55 when I first became suicidal and was clinically depressed. It was clear that I wasn't functioning at work, and my family doctor told me that I should retire on SS disability. I put off doing that for six months. We had bought a place two years earlier that we planned to rent out for ten years until I retired. So, when I had to retire two years after buying the home, at least we had a place to live with no mortgage. I said all that to say that I know how hard it is to work when you're unwell. And you have way too much on your plate right now to do it alone. I hope that the therapist is a good fit for you and the same for your daughter.

Gotta get up from my recliner and eat supper. Hang on. As much as you can, take things one at a time.

Jim

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@jimhd Thanks. I picked my daughter up this morning and ended up making her lunch and breakfast for her. She was running late and my wife was still upstairs. I know at 15 she can do things for herself but I also understand depression and how it makes doing everything harder. My wife came down while I putting my daughter's lunch together. She said good morning and later told me to have a good day. It's something at least. Maybe we can still work on being friends at least until my daughter goes off to college. I don't know at this point. I think my wife is depressed and she has mentioned seeing the marriage counselor we had seen years ago. I don't understand how she can be depressed and not understand it though.
I know my daughter has major depression because she has said she has had suicidal thoughts for the past two years. I wish she had talked to me earlier or that I had seen the signs but at least she is talking about it now with us. And we are working on getting her help. I am worried about not getting her in until next week but that's the best the clinic can do. I hope she is a good fit for my daughter too. They share the same name so I am hoping that is a good omen. I wonder if she will need medication or if the therapy will be enough for now. I had therapy when I was her age and it didn't help me all that much. I ended up just dealing with the depression and trying to ignore it. I hope that she will get what she needs from the therapy and, if not, then the therapist will help use get her the medication or treatments she needs.
I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in my twenties and have been medicated until recently. I am taking ketamine treatments now and actually have one scheduled for today. My previous psychiatrist diagnosed me as bipolar II and heavily medicated me which truly messed me up. I am pretty sure she misdiagnosed me and screwed me up really bad. I'm still working on getting better from that and have been suffering from insomnia, brain fog, and memory loss. I don't know if I will ever get better. I have an appointment with my general practitioner tomorrow about the insomnia. Something needs to happen since I have been getting around 5 hours or so of sleep some nights, sometimes better, sometimes worse. Even when I do get 6 or so hours, I still feel like I haven't slept well. I don't dream, at least that I remember, so I am not sure if I am getting any restful sleep.

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@mandrake70

@jimhd Thanks. I picked my daughter up this morning and ended up making her lunch and breakfast for her. She was running late and my wife was still upstairs. I know at 15 she can do things for herself but I also understand depression and how it makes doing everything harder. My wife came down while I putting my daughter's lunch together. She said good morning and later told me to have a good day. It's something at least. Maybe we can still work on being friends at least until my daughter goes off to college. I don't know at this point. I think my wife is depressed and she has mentioned seeing the marriage counselor we had seen years ago. I don't understand how she can be depressed and not understand it though.
I know my daughter has major depression because she has said she has had suicidal thoughts for the past two years. I wish she had talked to me earlier or that I had seen the signs but at least she is talking about it now with us. And we are working on getting her help. I am worried about not getting her in until next week but that's the best the clinic can do. I hope she is a good fit for my daughter too. They share the same name so I am hoping that is a good omen. I wonder if she will need medication or if the therapy will be enough for now. I had therapy when I was her age and it didn't help me all that much. I ended up just dealing with the depression and trying to ignore it. I hope that she will get what she needs from the therapy and, if not, then the therapist will help use get her the medication or treatments she needs.
I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in my twenties and have been medicated until recently. I am taking ketamine treatments now and actually have one scheduled for today. My previous psychiatrist diagnosed me as bipolar II and heavily medicated me which truly messed me up. I am pretty sure she misdiagnosed me and screwed me up really bad. I'm still working on getting better from that and have been suffering from insomnia, brain fog, and memory loss. I don't know if I will ever get better. I have an appointment with my general practitioner tomorrow about the insomnia. Something needs to happen since I have been getting around 5 hours or so of sleep some nights, sometimes better, sometimes worse. Even when I do get 6 or so hours, I still feel like I haven't slept well. I don't dream, at least that I remember, so I am not sure if I am getting any restful sleep.

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@mandrake70 When you go to your general practitioner, be sure to update them about what is going on in your life. They may have some additional ideas to consider in your situation. It is good to hear your daughter is opening up to you, and I share your hopes that the counselor she will see next week will be a good fit. There are so many pressures on teenagers these days. Until next week, if she feels the need to, perhaps someone at her school can be a person to speak with. There is also https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or their phone number 800-273-8255. Each person is different in the causes, triggers, and treatment, and finding the right combination can take a while. The first step is realizing you need help. I am working out of a depressive episode myself, but wish i had gone for professional help.
Ginger

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@gingerw Thanks Ginger. She doesn't want to talk to the counselor at school. She does talk to a few of her friends who are dealing with depression and anxiety too. My daughter and I have talked about some of the issues that are bothering her at school and in the world in general. She is a very sensitive kid and the world is just messed up. I'm hoping she doesn't end up with the problems like I have. I'm really scared about that.

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@mandrake70

@jimhd Thanks. I picked my daughter up this morning and ended up making her lunch and breakfast for her. She was running late and my wife was still upstairs. I know at 15 she can do things for herself but I also understand depression and how it makes doing everything harder. My wife came down while I putting my daughter's lunch together. She said good morning and later told me to have a good day. It's something at least. Maybe we can still work on being friends at least until my daughter goes off to college. I don't know at this point. I think my wife is depressed and she has mentioned seeing the marriage counselor we had seen years ago. I don't understand how she can be depressed and not understand it though.
I know my daughter has major depression because she has said she has had suicidal thoughts for the past two years. I wish she had talked to me earlier or that I had seen the signs but at least she is talking about it now with us. And we are working on getting her help. I am worried about not getting her in until next week but that's the best the clinic can do. I hope she is a good fit for my daughter too. They share the same name so I am hoping that is a good omen. I wonder if she will need medication or if the therapy will be enough for now. I had therapy when I was her age and it didn't help me all that much. I ended up just dealing with the depression and trying to ignore it. I hope that she will get what she needs from the therapy and, if not, then the therapist will help use get her the medication or treatments she needs.
I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in my twenties and have been medicated until recently. I am taking ketamine treatments now and actually have one scheduled for today. My previous psychiatrist diagnosed me as bipolar II and heavily medicated me which truly messed me up. I am pretty sure she misdiagnosed me and screwed me up really bad. I'm still working on getting better from that and have been suffering from insomnia, brain fog, and memory loss. I don't know if I will ever get better. I have an appointment with my general practitioner tomorrow about the insomnia. Something needs to happen since I have been getting around 5 hours or so of sleep some nights, sometimes better, sometimes worse. Even when I do get 6 or so hours, I still feel like I haven't slept well. I don't dream, at least that I remember, so I am not sure if I am getting any restful sleep.

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@mandrake70 It's so good to keep those lines of communication open, especially with a teenager. I think that will go a long way toward her own health, and, I suspect, toward yours, as well.

Have you ever had a sleep study? I'm quite slim, so I don't fit the typical image of someone with sleep apnea, but when I started using a CPAP machine I felt way better. I was so sleep deprived that I slept more than 12 hours the first few weeks. Sleep deprivation can surely affect our mental health.

I hope your wife will follow through with the couple's counseling. Could you talk about your daughter's suicidal thoughts and your concerns for her during the first session?

Medication can be a big help for depression. It took me a while to land on the one that did the job for me. You have to take an antidepressant for six weeks to know if it is working or if the side effects ease up. If one doesn't work and continues to have unacceptable side effects, you move on to the next one. I don't remember how many I tried – it must have been 8 or 10 or more.

Did the psychiatrist explain what he/she based the diagnosis on? I know from the reading I've done that meds for bipolar can have bad effects on someone who isn't bipolar.

I wish you well, Jake, in your search for things that will improve the quality of your life. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Jim

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@jimhd Thanks. Yep, I had a sleep study and I am on a CPAP machine. That shouldn't be the problem since I was just in about six months ago for a follow up. That was before the switches in medication, the separation, and the insomnia started. I have an appointment in a few hours to talk to my GP about the insomnia. I am hoping he will give me something to help with it and not just send me off to another sleep study. I'm pretty much exhausted right now.

My wife doesn't want to talk to me at this point. She has said no to counseling several times and is convinced that she is right about everything that has gone wrong over the last ten years. The problem is that she was the cause of most of the problems and I just stayed with her and took the abuse she dished out. My eldest has told me a few time that I just needed to stand up to her mother since she was walking all over me. I got to a point where I just couldn't fight any more and that is when my depression got worse and worse.

Right now, I am not sleeping well, the depression isn't as bad as it has been but it isn't good, the anxiety is manageable most of the time, and I am not on any medication for depression or anxiety besides the CBD oil which may or may not be doing anything. I'm seeing a therapist today and I hope that will help. I saw her a few months ago and she was really good. I'm going to see what she can do to help me.

I don't recall what the psychiatrist's diagnose was based on. My memory is shot at this point. I just know that I was in pretty bad shape and she started going through a ton of drugs until she settled on Olanzapine and Parnate. I did ECT's which I thoroughly regret at this point. I think they may have fried my brain since I think that is when the memory problems started.

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@mandrake70

@jimhd Thanks. Yep, I had a sleep study and I am on a CPAP machine. That shouldn't be the problem since I was just in about six months ago for a follow up. That was before the switches in medication, the separation, and the insomnia started. I have an appointment in a few hours to talk to my GP about the insomnia. I am hoping he will give me something to help with it and not just send me off to another sleep study. I'm pretty much exhausted right now.

My wife doesn't want to talk to me at this point. She has said no to counseling several times and is convinced that she is right about everything that has gone wrong over the last ten years. The problem is that she was the cause of most of the problems and I just stayed with her and took the abuse she dished out. My eldest has told me a few time that I just needed to stand up to her mother since she was walking all over me. I got to a point where I just couldn't fight any more and that is when my depression got worse and worse.

Right now, I am not sleeping well, the depression isn't as bad as it has been but it isn't good, the anxiety is manageable most of the time, and I am not on any medication for depression or anxiety besides the CBD oil which may or may not be doing anything. I'm seeing a therapist today and I hope that will help. I saw her a few months ago and she was really good. I'm going to see what she can do to help me.

I don't recall what the psychiatrist's diagnose was based on. My memory is shot at this point. I just know that I was in pretty bad shape and she started going through a ton of drugs until she settled on Olanzapine and Parnate. I did ECT's which I thoroughly regret at this point. I think they may have fried my brain since I think that is when the memory problems started.

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@mandrake70 I hope that speaking with your GP will help with your insomnia. Like you, I have insomnia, sometimes pretty bad. When they did a sleep study, I didn't go into REM sleep, which explains why there are mornings it feels like I didn't get any sleep. Things that seem to affect my quality of sleep: temperature in the room. I need it cool, with warm blankets in the winter [I choose to use no heat!]. Sometimes the light filtration; what works better for you, complete darkness or some light? What about intrusion of light from outside, like street lights or motion detector lights? Also, I try to "dump" my brain before sleep, writing stuff down if need be to empty my thoughts. Mindful relaxation, starting at the toes and relaxing each part of my body, taking deep breaths. If you are used to sleeping with your partner, and they are not there at this time, that may disrupt your sleep. Limit your exercise before bedtime. Personally, I cannot get my mind to shut down from thinking about so many things going on in my life right now. The struggles you are going through with your wife and your daughter's issues would certainly be factors, also, in your insomnia. Remember we find it hard to function in a healthy manner when we cannot get true rest.
Ginger

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@gingerw Thanks. I have been trying to figure out why I wake up so early, even when I am taking melatonin. Even when taking a sleep aid. My GP prescribed Buspirone for the anxiety and suggested I take two at night to help with sleep. Going to try that tonight and see how it goes. He also wants me to go back on Prozac which I was on 9 years ago. He thinks that will help with some of the depression I am having right now. Basically, something to help me get through the problems I am dealing with. I'm hoping I can get a good night's rest tonight. It will be the first in a long time.

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@mandrake70

@gingerw Thanks. I have been trying to figure out why I wake up so early, even when I am taking melatonin. Even when taking a sleep aid. My GP prescribed Buspirone for the anxiety and suggested I take two at night to help with sleep. Going to try that tonight and see how it goes. He also wants me to go back on Prozac which I was on 9 years ago. He thinks that will help with some of the depression I am having right now. Basically, something to help me get through the problems I am dealing with. I'm hoping I can get a good night's rest tonight. It will be the first in a long time.

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Hi, @mandrake70 – just wanted to mention that my doctor has put me on fluoxetine (Prozac) for a couple of periods of time where I was especially anxious. Most recently, in the spring I talked to her and she put me on it for anxiety I was having during the process of buying a house, selling our current house, moving and making various larger purchases for the new home (e.g., carpet). I didn't find it to work instantly, but it did work. I had to have the dose upped once to get to the right place, though, from 20-40 mg.

You for sure have some really big stressors right now. It sounds like you are reaching out for help, which is a really good thing.

What has your doctor said about the memory issues you've noted?

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@lisalucier Thanks. I took the Buspirone last night but still woke up around 4:30. Will give it a few more nights and see if it helps. I started the Prozac this morning. Hopefully that will start helping in a week or so.
I didn't ask about the memory issues yesterday. I was focused on the sleep issues. In the past, I have been told it was because of the depression and anxiety. That may be the cause or it could be some of the sleep issues. I will have to see if it starts getting better over time.

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@jimhd My wife texted me at 2:00 am saying she was hurting and to call her when I woke up. When I did call her, she explained that she didn't sleep last night and missed me. We talked for half an hour and I explained how what she has been doing has hurt me. I also explained that I was upset about her dismissing my daughter's depression by saying she just needed to vent. She started to argue with me and for the first time in a while I shut her down. I told her I didn't want to argue or fight and that this is what I had been talking about her doing. She said that she needed me to argue with her so that she would understand my point. I tried to explain that talking about something was one thing, but fighting about anything where I disagreed with her was pointless. She never felt she was wrong. She even started arguing about what had happened on Sunday. I stopped her and said you already apologized for that and now you are arguing that you did nothing wrong?

She asked me what I wanted to do about the marriage and I said that she had pretty much told me she wanted a divorce. I told her that when she had yelled at me for suggesting the marriage counseling I was pretty upset. I brought up the fact that she wanted to bring a friend along on a date night I had setup as a buffer between us. What is marriage counseling if not a buffer to help us communicate? She finally got the point about the counseling. It won't make a difference but she said she understood what I meant now. She wanted me to take a half day off to talk with her today. I said no, we could talk tomorrow. She gave me a hug as I was leaving. I didn't return it since the last time I tried to give her a hug she pulled away. This bouncing back and forth with her is driving me nuts.

When I saw the therapist yesterday, I went through my entire history with my wife from the day we met until this week. She basically said I had been abused. And, yet, when my wife needs something I am there to help. I know that I need to get divorced since my wife will never change and she will be the end of me if I go back. I've always wanted to fix things, even as a child, and to give up on my 16 year marriage is not easy for me. I know it is hurting my daughters too, my youngest worst of all right now. I pick up my daughter in the morning for school and from soccer in the evening and then take her to karate most nights. I have been making sure she is eating since I realized my wife isn't cooking dinners or helping with breakfast or lunch. I made breakfast and lunch for my daughter yesterday. My daughter made soup for herself last night and got her own breakfast and lunch today. I know she is old enough to take care of herself (she's 15) but to me that is something that a parent should be doing. It will be one of the things that my wife and I talk about tomorrow.

I think I am actually doing better today. I'm angry and not as depressed or anxious. I think being angry is helping me to deal with what I need to do.

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