@maone I am so glad you have found out part of the puzzle! While it must be confusing as to the reasons he did what he did, finding out he is okay must surely have brightened your day! Accept that he is okay, as in alive, and perhaps with time he will contact you, and realize how his disappearance hurt so many people. Rest well tonight.
Ginger
Thank you so very much ! There is great relief in knowing this. I am at peace with what I have decided. I believe now that continued praying is best for me to do. Thanks for your input so much. ❤️
Thank you for sharing the news that you found out your son is alive. I too want to say that knowing the truth can become a burden under some circumstances. I support you doing whatever you feel is right in terms of notifying his family . My own experience has been different. When I did not know where he was, it was intolerable. All sorts of images in my head. When my son committed suicide, I then knew where he was. The pain is still intolerable but it's a different kind of pain. If your son's wife and son are going through this kind of hell on earth, as you have just gone through, not knowing if he was alive or dead, I wonder if knowing the truth would help them move on. What's that old saying? "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. "
They have not ever mentioned that he might not be alive so I feel they aren’t thinking this but I was. In fact they think he is happy wherever he may be.
Hello @maone
I'm so glad to hear that you have some information about your son, now. I can tell how relieved you are just to know that he is OK. It sounds as if you are making some wise decisions about not seeking out more information about where he is. Keep posting, I'd like to know how you are doing.
Thanks so much ! I at first didn’t want to post then thought it unfair to those that have prayed and cared. Thought maybe some would not approve of my decision? Now, I’m glad I did post. It has been only 4 days since I found this out so I have not waited long to post. I have never been one to try to push anyone into doing what they don’t want to do. If my Son decides to contact me then it’ll be best. God bless all of you ❤️
Thank you so very much ! There is great relief in knowing this. I am at peace with what I have decided. I believe now that continued praying is best for me to do. Thanks for your input so much. ❤️
@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.
Oh. Unless ALL replies are coming through junk mail. In that case maybe you inadvertently have mayo clinic forum under a "spam" alert. If so, unblock the forum.
@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.
@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.
@maone@merpreb I never even thought about the legal considerations. If his wife does want to remarry I don't think it's that easy to declare him deceased but perhaps after a certain amount of time, it can be declared that he has abandoned her and his child? I am sure all of that varies by state. It is complex.
JK
@maone@merpreb I never even thought about the legal considerations. If his wife does want to remarry I don't think it's that easy to declare him deceased but perhaps after a certain amount of time, it can be declared that he has abandoned her and his child? I am sure all of that varies by state. It is complex.
JK
First I basically know nothing about the law but why would he have to be declared legally dead. Couldn’t she simply file for divorce on desertion grounds?
Jake
@jakedduck1- That would depend on the state and it's laws. Usually when a person disappears a declaration of death needs to be made. Divorce is for living people.
@jakedduck1- That would depend on the state and it's laws. Usually when a person disappears a declaration of death needs to be made. Divorce is for living people.
@merpreb
She has no reason to believe he’s dead. Although her spouse needs to be served in a divorce proceeding, if he can’t be located there are alternative methods to serve him, newspaper, investigators, Social Security, Driving Records or however the court deems necessary. I doubt this is the first abandonment case and she needs to see an attorney in my opinion to find out her rights and also to protect herself from responsibility due to any possible criminal activity on his part, IRS issues being one.
I’m my opinion the wife should be told if only to protect her and her son. I think by not being told the problem is only being compounded. I feel it is unreasonable for you to think all is fine with your daughter-in-law and grandson regardless of what they say to you or how they act. Now that your suffering has been eased, why are they not entitled to the same?
Good luck to all,
Jake
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Thank you so very much ! There is great relief in knowing this. I am at peace with what I have decided. I believe now that continued praying is best for me to do. Thanks for your input so much. ❤️
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7 ReactionsThey have not ever mentioned that he might not be alive so I feel they aren’t thinking this but I was. In fact they think he is happy wherever he may be.
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6 ReactionsThanks so much ! I at first didn’t want to post then thought it unfair to those that have prayed and cared. Thought maybe some would not approve of my decision? Now, I’m glad I did post. It has been only 4 days since I found this out so I have not waited long to post. I have never been one to try to push anyone into doing what they don’t want to do. If my Son decides to contact me then it’ll be best. God bless all of you ❤️
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6 Reactions@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.
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4 ReactionsThey all come through the junk mail except the daily one from Mayo connect and the Health one from Mayo
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1 ReactionHi merry. I didn't even think of the issues you raised about legal challenges under the circumstances of someone "disappearing ". Good insight
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5 Reactions@maone @merpreb I never even thought about the legal considerations. If his wife does want to remarry I don't think it's that easy to declare him deceased but perhaps after a certain amount of time, it can be declared that he has abandoned her and his child? I am sure all of that varies by state. It is complex.
JK
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4 ReactionsFirst I basically know nothing about the law but why would he have to be declared legally dead. Couldn’t she simply file for divorce on desertion grounds?
Jake
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4 Reactions@jakedduck1- That would depend on the state and it's laws. Usually when a person disappears a declaration of death needs to be made. Divorce is for living people.
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3 Reactions@merpreb
She has no reason to believe he’s dead. Although her spouse needs to be served in a divorce proceeding, if he can’t be located there are alternative methods to serve him, newspaper, investigators, Social Security, Driving Records or however the court deems necessary. I doubt this is the first abandonment case and she needs to see an attorney in my opinion to find out her rights and also to protect herself from responsibility due to any possible criminal activity on his part, IRS issues being one.
I’m my opinion the wife should be told if only to protect her and her son. I think by not being told the problem is only being compounded. I feel it is unreasonable for you to think all is fine with your daughter-in-law and grandson regardless of what they say to you or how they act. Now that your suffering has been eased, why are they not entitled to the same?
Good luck to all,
Jake
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