~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

I hope I made sense??

This is “family”. They seem to be the worst people to trust. “He” caused such grief and “she” allowed it. “He” is her second husband and her first one wasn’t nice either.

Hi smile, try with all your heart to put them in the back of your mind. Thinking of them makes them win and I know you don't want that. My sister-in-law broke my family apart to the point I never see my niece and nephews since 2003. Cruel to my mother. When my deceased brother met her my entire family warned him including my parents, friends. Comes from a very wealthy family, only child, thats a good picture of her. In order for them not to win push those painful thoughts away it will only make you feel worse. It works.

Hello @smilie
@parus and @amberpep provided some good thoughts in their posts to you. You might read them over again and think about them. The fact that you have never been "independent much" as you said in your post, does not mean that it is impossible, even at age 60, to begin the process of independence. Just remember that it is a process and will take time.

Just begin to reclaim small parts of your life, one step at a time.

Can you think of one thing that you would like to do independent of family? What is that? How might you accomplish that, taking small steps?

Hubby & I worked .saved,,, did well for years, them his work cut his pension. He died , my daughter had a stroke, grandson has mental problems . Spent lots on them and living, medical, RX NO frills. NO vacations. I have CAD + diabetes, Much stress & worry . US says its a Christian country...but our gov't does not behave as such. Trump is a disgrace . GOP has tried to cut our hard earned SS / medicare . How about we cut their wages, perks, great pensions, and bribes aka corruption. GOP has NO family values. All the do is CUT funds for safety programs, education, Clean air & water, They are greedy suckers. We even have homeless vets Thats immoral !! I am 75 and have watched US go downhill . Trump even cut meals on wheels, FDA There is no big emergency at the border Just forks fleeing death & starvation . Trump is not self made His daddy gave him millions and he went bankrupt many times. leaving workers unpaid. US could stop illegals by charging those who hire them a Giant FEE & enforcing it. . Fact is US gov't & greedy Corps love that cheap slave labor. Reagan even passed Open borders in 80's so his fat cats could make billions off cheap labor. Gov't is complicit. The enemy is not foreign workers Its our US gov't GREED. !!! Ignorance is NOT bliss.

Hi smilie .... I re-read your post, and it really hit home with me. I was married for 43 years to a Narcissist. He also was verbally abusive and demeaning, I was "stupid and irrational," I was too fat (5'8" and 145 at the time), nothing I did was right, he never complimented me on anything - meals, clothing, hair. When out 3 kids were young I used to wear my hair in what they then called a "pixie" ...... he hated it and called me "pinhead." He talked to the kids behind my back about me, which I never knew until we were divorced and my son told me, and so much more. Basically, he was and is a Narcissist. I kept thinking, "I can't leave" because deep inside I believed what he said was true. I got so deep in depression that one Thursday, my therapist said to me, "I'm going to be perfectly honest with you .... you either have to get out of there tonight, or I'm going to have to have you admitted to (name of local, private psychiatric hospital). "It just so happened" that only the Sunday before a girlfriend from my church told me that she had a bedroom with its own bath that I could use, plus the kitchen, if I needed one. Well, I knew that was God's message to me, so I got to my car and asked her if the offer was still open. It was and I was there by Saturday PM. And ...... that night was the first good nights sleep I'd had in many months. Narcissists are usually very bright, manipulative, and always want you to "know" how superior they are to everyone else, particularly their mate.
abby

Hi again dianrib .... I was just re-reading some of the older posts (old memory needs jogging!) and I re-read this one about you and your husband and how hard you worked and saved. Yes, there's a lot about things today, both nationally and internationally, that are very disconcerting. So, now I watch the news only in the AM for about 30 min. and the rest of the day they all repeat the same thing over and over and over. I think I'd probably jump out of my skin if I heard all that all day. No, things aren't the same as when we were kids ... that's for sure. I often wonder what it will be like when my grandkids are adults (I'm 74). My financial history has me in the same boat you're in only it happened differently. My father died and left me a substantial inheritance. On the advice of a friend, I placed it all with an Investment Counselor, who apparently was "less than honest." He was running some sort of a ponzi scheme, and well .... you guessed it, my investments began to plummet. Fortunately, I caught it before it hit "0" but there's not a lot left. Yes, I worry about it, some days more than others, but I know my kids won't let me starve. There's a lot of things about our government that I find problematic also, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Yes, there's crooked people working in every large company, corporation, and the government. That's where it usually affects us the most and is most visible to anyone who reads, listens to the news, or is in touch with things going on around them.
Life is tough, and some days I just am fighting mad, other days I'm so far in the dumps that I can't see over the edge, but it is what it is .... I can only do my little portion, and the rest I just have to leave up to God (or depending on your faith, your "higher power.")
What I can't change, I just have to learn to live with.
Take care of yourself my friend,
abby

Hi. Thank you for this wonderful advice!!!!! I will try it, but I’m still afraid to go out to meet people.

I’m so very sorry to hear that! I’m trying so very hard not to think about them!!!! It’s not easy!!!! Gail was always a good sister but not anymore. I still have my eldest sister, Pearl and I’m the youngest. I have my wonderful niece and her family and a good friend!