~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I’m 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I’m just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don’t have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there’s not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there’s enough), and my son sends me money each month. I’m sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I’m thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I’d have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they’re all on line now), and legally they’re not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I’m so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

@colleenyoung Truly this would be the ideal. I always know their are others here. Participation is the key to any community. I'm still here when the physical body permits. Always good to see you are still here too!!!

REPLY
@georgette12

The home health care agencies that offer home care for elderly or rehab clients usually do not discriminate. I've seen some recent posts on working as a senior person. I'm your age and that's where I work. It is possible so do not despair.

Jump to this post

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

REPLY
@amberpep

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Jump to this post

So your kids got up there and then have abandoned you? Is this what you’re trying to say? What were they thinking? Terrible.

REPLY
@amberpep

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Jump to this post

Hi @amberpep, recent posts always bump the discussion to the top of the discussion list. Within a discussion thread, people can decide to read them oldest to newest (chronological order) or newest to oldest (reverse chronological order). You are posting your messages correctly and everyone participating in this discussion can see them.

Hi @parus, so good to cross paths with you again.

REPLY
@amberpep

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Jump to this post

Hi @amberpep,

Moving to a new area and stepping out of your comfort zone, alone, can be incredibly difficult – it’s scary, stressful and can feel very lonely. I’d like to share something that helped me, many years ago, when I moved to a completely different country – from India to the United States – because of my husbands career. I had to leave my family, my friends, everything and everyone who gave meaning to my life at that time, behind, and I was utterly miserable and so lonely. Here’s the advice I was given:
Don’t let the past have any role in the future – how can you move forward if you keep living in your past? Let history be just that: history.
So, although it’s not easy, try your best to shift focus away from what “has been” to what “will be.”

Abby, there are so many reasons why we don’t let go of our past lives: thoughts of revenge or compensation which naturally make us feel we are in control; wanting an apology or hoping the person who has wronged us will feel regret; or worry that by forgetting the past, we will lose that link, we may lose those connections.

And, moving forward doesn't mean letting someone off the hook or minimizing wrongful actions and hurt; it also doesn’t mean you have to pretend that everything is fine. It is a very gradual, internal process – you just have to be determined that you want to end your pain, resentment and anger, so that YOU can move on and start living YOUR life – I think you deserve that.

Maybe you can start by seeing this move as a chance for a fresh start, an opportunity to build a new life, your life in the way you want?

REPLY

I think I’m posting in the wrong place. How does one maintain sleep during benzo withdrawal?

REPLY
@sears

I think I’m posting in the wrong place. How does one maintain sleep during benzo withdrawal?

Jump to this post

Hi, @sears – no worries. Wondering if you wanted to post in this thread you've posted in before about getting some sleep during a benzodiazapine withdrawal https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-clonazepam-story/?

REPLY
@amberpep

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep – Sorry to butt in, but I’m in a similar situation. I’m 75- after retirement 15 years ago we moved far away from friends to a retirement area. Due to long illness I missed making new acquaintances and lost contact with the few I had made. My husband is not much of a companion, so I’m pretty lonely. We do have 2 adult children living with us for now and they drag me out now and then!
You should have therapy at least once a week. I have Medicare and have a therapist who accepts Medicare. Since you are not financially secure you could see if your community offers any free activities. I don’t know if you like animals, but if you do it could be rewarding to volunteer at an animal shelter.
My final thought is that your children who begged you to move there have to take an active role helping you settle. We are not spring chickens any more! Please continue to post.

Liked by Lisa Lucier, Parus

REPLY
@lisalucier

Hi, @sears – no worries. Wondering if you wanted to post in this thread you've posted in before about getting some sleep during a benzodiazapine withdrawal https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-clonazepam-story/?

Jump to this post

Hi Lisa, I haven’t posted for a little while. I’m not feeling well. It started Tuesday night and this is physical, to be really tired to the point of damaging my car and having to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting the car in front of me because I was falling asleep driving. Yesterday morning I was in absolute tears 😭 that I wanted to jump off my balcony and that was my thinking. The thoughts were so fast and I just wanted to sleep and that’s all that I’m doing now. I’m going to try and sleep a little bit more. Wish me luck.

REPLY
@smilie

Hi Lisa, I haven’t posted for a little while. I’m not feeling well. It started Tuesday night and this is physical, to be really tired to the point of damaging my car and having to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting the car in front of me because I was falling asleep driving. Yesterday morning I was in absolute tears 😭 that I wanted to jump off my balcony and that was my thinking. The thoughts were so fast and I just wanted to sleep and that’s all that I’m doing now. I’m going to try and sleep a little bit more. Wish me luck.

Jump to this post

Hi, @smilie – wondering how you are feeling lately?

REPLY
@lisalucier

Hi, @smilie – wondering how you are feeling lately?

Jump to this post

Hi Lisa, I'm still not feeling well. My sister Gail's husband is a pain in the ass, big time and I can't get his voice and face out of my head. I am blocking him all the time because I want nothing to do with him. He is an angry man who likes to argue with everyone and that's what his brother said about him. My sister Gail has dementia, it's progressing but she is still functioning. When it's grey out I have to use my sad lamp and I have arthritis.

REPLY

I also can't stop calling myself an idiot.

REPLY
@amberpep

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays – most days – it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep

Hi, Abby. It's been a while since I've picked up on things. I seem to remember that you got a small dog. Am I right?

Money is a common denominator for many of us seniors. My wife and I are challenged to keep up with the bills, too. When my wife started getting Social Security, we dropped from more than $300 in food stamps to $35. That basically means that we live on my check, and now we're looking at $435 deductible for each of us on our medications. I just pray that we don't have any catastrophic money guzzler.

Our Camry was worn out after 22 years, and we had to take out a CD to buy something to replace it last year. I'm glad that the CD came up available at just the right time. There's no way we can afford car payments.

I wish our son and daughter and their families lived closer. Our son-in-law is in the Coast Guard, and he got moved from Boston to Alameda, CA. That's a lot closer – a 12 hour drive. They have a new daughter who's 9 months old, and a very active 3 year old girl. Our son and his family live in Indianapolis. Their daughter started 1st grade this year. Too far away.

I'm glad that our kids are in good financial condition. They don't share the wealth with us, but we'll survive.

Good to hear from you again.

Jim

REPLY
@amberpep

I will make this as short as possible. When I was divorced, over 10 years ago (after a 43 year marriage) I did not ask for alimony as I had a substantial inheritance. Well, I ran. into an unscrupulous money manager (suggested to me) and he was running a ponzi scheme. I was left with much less than I had, probably not enough to live on til my end. I live in a low-cost apartment, can barely pay my bills, buy absolutely nothing fun, and sometimes my rent is late. My X is doing great – big house, goes everywhere – Europe, etc. Now considering that I did not ask for alimony because at that time I had plenty of money. I talked to my lawyer about this and she told me the case could be reopened IF he was working, which he is not. I am considering writing to him, carefully (he's a narcissist) and ask him to please consider giving me some extra $ each month, considering I did not ask for it before. I had what I thought was plenty, and "didn't want to make him live like a pauper." Part of me says "do it" and the other part says "no." He's well aware of my situation. If it were not for my dear son, who sends me money each month, I'd never make the monthly payments.
abby
abby

Jump to this post

No harm in asking! Good luck!

REPLY

I will make this as short as possible. When I was divorced, over 10 years ago (after a 43 year marriage) I did not ask for alimony as I had a substantial inheritance. Well, I ran. into an unscrupulous money manager (suggested to me) and he was running a ponzi scheme. I was left with much less than I had, probably not enough to live on til my end. I live in a low-cost apartment, can barely pay my bills, buy absolutely nothing fun, and sometimes my rent is late. My X is doing great – big house, goes everywhere – Europe, etc. Now considering that I did not ask for alimony because at that time I had plenty of money. I talked to my lawyer about this and she told me the case could be reopened IF he was working, which he is not. I am considering writing to him, carefully (he's a narcissist) and ask him to please consider giving me some extra $ each month, considering I did not ask for it before. I had what I thought was plenty, and "didn't want to make him live like a pauper." Part of me says "do it" and the other part says "no." He's well aware of my situation. If it were not for my dear son, who sends me money each month, I'd never make the monthly payments.
abby
abby

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.