How about a laugh, (hopefully)

@hopeful33250 Groan... I think we've all been there.
JK

Many years ago, I was a teacher. One of the classes I taught was Ancient History. I find history fascinating. History explains so much of our lives today. For example, at one time every town had its own king. Wars between towns was very common. As time passed, some kings conquered more and more towns and their kingdoms grew larger and larger. It would get to a point that a kingdom would become too large for a king to rule effectively. So the kings would divide their kingdoms into counties and place a count in charge of each county. The counts would collect the taxes from the people and bring the money to the king and basically govern that part of the kingdom under the authority of the king. This is why many of our states are divided in counties today.

A story is told of one count who collected money from the people of his county, but instead of bringing the money to the king, he hid it, intending to keep it for himself. When the king noticed that no tax money was coming from that one county, he had the count arrested and brought to his castle. He demanded that the count surrender the money, but the count refused. The kings in those days were both jury and judge. The king called for the executioner to come. The count's neck was placed on the chopping block and the executioner raised his axe. The king gave the count one more opportunity tell where the money was hidden. The count refused to answer. The king gave the order and as the axe came down, the count shouted, "No! Wait! I'll..." But it was too late. The count was dead.

And what can we learn from this story?

Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

A woman tells her husband that she wanted him to take her to a restaurant where you can watch them prepare your meal. So he took her to Subway. The fight continues.

@hopeful33250 ROFL I'm keeping that one

@lioness
@hopeful33250
What’s a man to do? Give a woman what she asks for and she still gets mad.
Jake

@jakedduck1 Did you ever hear of a woman's scorn ,depends on what you said before you tried to please her

TWO NERDS ON A TANDEM

Two nerds are riding along on a tandem bicycle when, suddenly, the one on the front slams on the brakes, gets off, and starts letting air out of the tires.

The one on the back says: "HEY! What are you doing that for?!"

The first nerd says, "My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit."

So the one in the back has had enough. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction.

Now it's the first guy's turn to wonder what's going on. "What are you doing?" he asks his friend.

"Look, mate," says the rider in the back, "if you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home.

SPOUSAL TANDEM

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

A NERD AND HIS NEW BIKE

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Hans and Olga woke excited. They got up early to get all their chores done and have everything spic and span. Ole and Lena were coming to visit today for the first time. Ordinarily the trip would take two days, but now that the new super highway was done they would be able to make the trip in one day. By 11 am Hans and Olga had everything cleaned and a nice meal cooking. The table was set with their best dishes and linens. A mason jar of field flowers sat in the middle of the table. Finally there was nothing left to do but wait. They decided to take cups of coffee to the front porch and watch for Ole and Lena to come down the road. At noon Olga went in and turned off the stove. There was no sign of Ole and Lena. They should have been there by now, they had left at 3 am. At 2 pm Hans and Olga could wait no more and went in to eat something. Olga stowed the food and started something fresh for dinner. Then they went back to the porch to watch and wait. Growing more and more anxious they waited all afternoon until they had to do evening chores. They waited until 9 pm to eat some of the dinner and stow the food. Hans and Olga were extremely worried by now. It was after dark and they began to wonder if Ole and Lena had been in an accident or some other tragedy had befallen them. At 11 pm Hans and Olga gave up and went to bed, only to be woken at 2 am by the arrival of Ole and Lena. The friends all hugged and shared greetings, followed by Olga getting out food and making coffee for the late travelers. After eating and resting a bit, Hans asked Ole why it took them so long? Had they had trouble along the way? "No," Ole responded, "It was the new highway"
Hans did not understand how the highway could make their trip so long. This time Lena responded, "It was the rest stops. They were every 20 miles!"
Hans and Olga were still baffled. How could rest stops make their friends' trip so long?
"Well," Lena replied, "Every one had a sign that said Clean Rest Rooms!"
As Hans and Olga still appeared confused, Ole added, "We had to stop at every rest stop to clean the rest rooms! Some of them were a real mess!"