How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

@jakedduck1

I just watched my dog chase his tail for 5 minutes and thought WOW, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized….. I just watched my dog chase his tail for 5 minutes.

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@jakeduck

I just burst out laughing

FL Mary

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I can drive a woman wild with my tongue,
It’s pretty easy
all you do is say
have you put on weight?

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Husband
“When I die I want to die having sex”
Wife
“At least we know it will be quick.”

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A guy takes his blond girlfriend to a football game. After the game he asked what she thought. She said she liked all the players with the big muscles and the tight pants, but she said she couldn't figure out why they put in so much effort over 25 cents. Her boyfriend looked at her funny and said, what are you talking about. She replied , at the beginning of the game they had a coin toss. Then one team got it and during the game everyone in the stands keep hollering, get the quarter back, get the quarter back.

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@jakedduck1

I can drive a woman wild with my tongue,
It’s pretty easy
all you do is say
have you put on weight?

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@jakedduck1 Do you have a whole book of jokes? I always loved Bob Hope and Red Skelton even tho it ages me!

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@becsbuddy

@jakedduck1 Do you have a whole book of jokes? I always loved Bob Hope and Red Skelton even tho it ages me!

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@becsbuddy
These jokes were from a friend in England.
I really liked them too. Remember Red Skeleton imitating a piece of bacon frying? They had so many jokes and gags.

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@becsbuddy

@jakedduck1 Do you have a whole book of jokes? I always loved Bob Hope and Red Skelton even tho it ages me!

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@becsbuddy
Hi
I liked Bob Hope but never cared for Red Skeleton. Some of my favorites were George Carlin, Flip Wilson, Jonathan Winters, Jackie Gleason, Victor Borge, Robin Williams, Bob Newhart. Loved Carol Burnett show and Tim Conway , Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Gilda Radner, Peter Sellers. Current favorite is Sebastian Maniscalco. I like Jon Stewart.
Different kind of humor…never liked slapstick like the Four Stooges or Abbot and Costello although Charlie Chaplin was wonderful.
Lot of funny people out there, can’t remember them all.

There’s some smart funny young stand up comics today that don’t use foul language or tell dirty jokes. I remember Totie Fields. I saw her in Vegas once and boy, was she a smutty mouth. So different from her TV appearances which I thought were funny. When I saw her live…meh…not so much , and I’m no prude. Buddy Hackett was another filthy comedian…saw him live in Vegas too….didn’t think he was funny on TV either.

Waxing nostalgic in FL…..Mary

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@imallears

@becsbuddy
Hi
I liked Bob Hope but never cared for Red Skeleton. Some of my favorites were George Carlin, Flip Wilson, Jonathan Winters, Jackie Gleason, Victor Borge, Robin Williams, Bob Newhart. Loved Carol Burnett show and Tim Conway , Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Gilda Radner, Peter Sellers. Current favorite is Sebastian Maniscalco. I like Jon Stewart.
Different kind of humor…never liked slapstick like the Four Stooges or Abbot and Costello although Charlie Chaplin was wonderful.
Lot of funny people out there, can’t remember them all.

There’s some smart funny young stand up comics today that don’t use foul language or tell dirty jokes. I remember Totie Fields. I saw her in Vegas once and boy, was she a smutty mouth. So different from her TV appearances which I thought were funny. When I saw her live…meh…not so much , and I’m no prude. Buddy Hackett was another filthy comedian…saw him live in Vegas too….didn’t think he was funny on TV either.

Waxing nostalgic in FL…..Mary

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@imallears
I like your list of comedians and I’m gonna add a few.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don Rickles
George & Gracie Burns
George Goble
Dean Martin
Johnny Carson
Milton Berle
Henny Youngman
Red Buttons
Lucille Ball
Gallegher & some others I can’t remember.
I thought it was funny on the Johnny Carson show when Dean Martin, Bob Hope, George Goble & Dean was flicking ashes from his ciggy into George Goble’s drink. He kept drinking it and never caught on. Maybe you had to see it to appreciate it.
I really liked Totie Fields on the Mike Douglas show.
We sure are aging ourselves
Jake

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These aren’t gut wrenchingly funny but I enjoyed them maybe you will too.

1 – Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

2 – I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

3 – Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

4 – Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

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A man calls his doctor at 11 PM frantically telling the doctor to come to his home as quickly as possible;” it’s an emergency my 2 year old swallowed a condom! The doctor quickly started to dress when the phone rang again and it was the same man much calmer now: “ no rush now Doc” relieved the doctor inquired how he got the consumer out? The man said” oh, I didn’t get it out, we found another one.

Liked by Leonard

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@stuckonu
That was a good one, thanks for the laugh.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@stuckonu
That was a good one, thanks for the laugh.
Jake

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Thanks Leo, I guess you figured out that it wasn’t a “ consumer “ that that the doc was asking about. What would the operation be called that removes the “ spell checker “?
I wonder what the best mistake ever made by “ spell checker “

When “ The Twist “ was the number 1 song and the number 1 dance my mother thought that
Cubby Checker was a Fat Taxi

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@stuckonu

Thanks Leo, I guess you figured out that it wasn’t a “ consumer “ that that the doc was asking about. What would the operation be called that removes the “ spell checker “?
I wonder what the best mistake ever made by “ spell checker “

When “ The Twist “ was the number 1 song and the number 1 dance my mother thought that
Cubby Checker was a Fat Taxi

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@stuckonu
lol, I never even noticed to error. Shows where my minds at.
Jake

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Five NFL players decided to climb a mountain during the off season. They met at the base of the mountain, got their gear together and started the climb. Things went very well and they climbed steadily until 11 am when they stopped for a quick sandwich and hydration. During their break they began discussing the state of the world and all the problems going on now. After a while the Seahawks player stood up, walked to the side of their campsite and said I need to do more than talk about things; I need to take action! Then he faced away from the camp, yelled, "I dedicate my life to my team, the Seahawks, and all of Northwest USA!" and ran off the ledge. The other three sat stunned to silence for a few minutes. Then the player from Chicago stood up and announced that he, also, was going to take action rather than just talking. As he ran toward the ledge he yelled, "I dedicate my life to the Bears and all of Chicago!" By now a pattern was set, so when the man from Green Bay stood up the other two thought they knew what was going to happen. But the were wrong. The Packer said, "I dedicate my actions and these lives to the betterment of the entire world!" And threw off the Viking and the Bronco.

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A few years ago my husband and I were running errands and stopped by McDonalds for a refresher. I stepped up to the counter and ordered a coffee. The young man behind the counter efficiently rang up the purchase and asked, "How would you like it?" I stood stunned for a second running through 'over easy', 'medium-well', etc. in my mind. Nothing seemed appropriate so I responded, "In a cup?" My husband chocked behind me and the young man completely stopped all movement and met my eyes. I kind of shrugged and he handed me a cup of black coffee. I grabbed napkins and ketchup for my husband and found a seat. When he sat down he was still chuckling and asked if I did not realize the counterman was asking if I wanted cream or sugar. Lifting my eyebrows I responded that of course I didn't think of that or I wouldn't have suggested a cup. I still chuckle when I think about it.

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