1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Apr 11, 2019

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer…

… for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.
The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.”

The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?”

Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?”

Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?”

Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.”

Jake

REPLY
1 reply
lioness | @lioness | Apr 11, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer… … for $250 and the..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer…

… for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.
The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.”

The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?”

Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?”

Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?”

Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.”

Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 Lol

REPLY
2011panc | @2011panc | Apr 11, 2019

Not exactly a joke, but a part of my "little known and useless information" collection:

There will always be a "lie" in Believe
There will always be an "over" in Lover
There will always be an "end" in Friend
There will always be an "us" in Trust
And there will always be an "if" in Life.

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Jump to this post

Just goes to show you how smart women are! Thanks for the smile.

REPLY
1 reply
marvinjsturing | @marvinjsturing | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Jump to this post

A man and a woman were killed in an accident on the way to their wedding. When St. Peter greets them at the Pearly Gates they tell him that they love each other so very, very much and they would still like to get married. St. Peter says, "Let me see what I can do." He leaves them standing at the Pearly Gates. Peter is gone for a very long time. As they wait for his return, they continue to talk. "We love each other very much and want to get get married, but what would happen if we didn't get along with each other. Would we be allowed to get a divorce?" When St. Peter finally returned, they asked him. Peter was exasperated and said, "It took me 3 months to find a priest in heaven. Do you know how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

REPLY
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Just goes to show you how smart women are! Thanks for the smile." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Just goes to show you how smart women are! Thanks for the smile.

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250
“Just goes to show you how smart women are!”
OR
Devious
Jake

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 10, 2019
In reply to @jakedduck1 "@hopeful33250 “Just goes to show you how smart women are!” OR Devious Jake" + (show)
@jakedduck1

@hopeful33250
“Just goes to show you how smart women are!”
OR
Devious
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 I'll stick with smart!

REPLY
1 reply
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | May 10, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@jakedduck1 I'll stick with smart!" + (show)
@hopeful33250

@jakedduck1 I'll stick with smart!

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250
“I’ll stick with smart”
I imagine the gals will agree with you. The truth is hard to accept sometimes huh?
I think the fellas will agree with me.
Jake

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