1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

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anniegk | @anniegk | May 7, 2018
In reply to @nikki1234 "People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get..." + (show)
@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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Wouldnt that be great if you could just get over it. None of us like the way we are. This time around with my depression, it has been a full year of feeling like hell. I dont know when or if it will end. Iam 72 and treatment resistant. My last depression and anxiety lasted for 2 years.

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ladybugmg | @ladybugmg | May 7, 2018
In reply to @parus "I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except..." + (show)
@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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I usually do well in receiving attention when visiting a doctor by bringing two copies of a check list (one I can read aloud and a copy that I present to the doctor.) As we discuss each item I check it off the list, or make a note about what I am told and also ask the doctor to write out his advice. I also request a printout of the visit or so I can go over the recommendations that the doctor puts into the computer. You would be surprised at the respectful attention that I receive from both my primary care doctor and the specialists that I see. In today's medical climate one has to be prepared and proactive!

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anniegk | @anniegk | May 7, 2018
In reply to @liz223 "I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I..." + (show)
@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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Do you mind if I ask how old you are now? Are you on any meds?. You sound like you are trying hard to cope. Its tricky getting good medical help for these condtions. Unless you have the ability to pay large amounts of money for care, it is like assembly line treatment. You see your regular doctor every 3-4months rather you need it or not. They treat all their patients the same even though we are all different with our symptoms etc. I really miss good medicine. I come from a generation that grew up with good medical care. Our doctors actually knew our names. Not anymore. You are really on your own now. It is quite scary.

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | May 7, 2018
In reply to @mamacita "I have had many days where I wake up and immediately, even before my feet hit..." + (show)
@mamacita

I have had many days where I wake up and immediately, even before my feet hit the floor, I know that I have a battle to fight. I want to be positive, I want to have a smile on my face for my family. I want to tell the demons to go back to the hell they came from. Many days I am an overcomer. Some days the struggle takes so much out of me that I hug the couch and the tv remote, read my daily devotional, get my Bible close by, and pray that I get at least three verses covered. Even if it takes all day to accomplish it. Depression is a respectable condition. Like Diabetes, Gout, and Eczema. Get some medicine, take it easy, and wait to feel better. Only sometimes, it takes several trials of different medications to achieve anything resembling balance. Then there's this thing called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If we have suffered from depression for decades, changing our thought patterns is not the easiest thing to do. But if we will try to eliminate the negative thought patterns that are so drearily comforting, we just might see a lot more sunshine in our days. "I'm worthless." "I have no special abilities." I'm ugly." " No one ever comes to see me." All of these lies that we tell ourselves need to go straight into the trash can. You are of infinite worth. You have gifts, and lots of them. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. If no one ever comes to see you, then make plans to go see someone in the nursing home who never gets a visitor. Be to others what you wish others would be for you. In the meantime, try to take just one step towards making a positive change that will do you a world of good. It will be so worth it. You've got this.

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It is so easy to tear ourselves down.  Much harder to build ourselves up. But it is possible.  I'm living proof! Blessings and favor to all my brothers and sisters who fight the good fight of faith.  Depression does not have to defeat us.

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anniegk | @anniegk | May 7, 2018
In reply to @littleonefmohio "@seeker70 I can relate to your depression. I also had it since I was a kid..." + (show)
@littleonefmohio

@seeker70 I can relate to your depression. I also had it since I was a kid and now a senior. It is mild sometimes but mostly it stand its ugly head out and it keeps me from enjoying most things. I recently told a friend I was depressed again and don't know why. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I want the joy most people feel and live. When I was younger I would work long hours so my mind would stay busy on work instead of depression. Now that I am older I realized I was only hurting my children because I was engulfed in work and too busy to be with them. The guilt and worry that comes along with depression is terrible. Prayers for all of you. I hope we all beat this thing once and for all. Wanda

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I understand completely. Are you on any treatment?

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anniegk | @anniegk | May 7, 2018

The area where i live, our office calls are only 15 minutes long. I do have a pyschologist that i see every couple of weeks. That helps. When you are afraid of some new physical symptom that developes it would be nice to be able to see a doctor that is somewhat familiar with your case instead of giving you a appointment with a on call doctor that knows nothing about you. It is scary.

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1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 7, 2018
In reply to @nikki1234 "People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get..." + (show)
@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

Jump to this post

@nikki1234

Some folks are just ignorant of the reality of depression and how hard it is to overcome. It can become so habitual that it is hard to break from a depressive cycle.

Teresa

REPLY
ladybugmg | @ladybugmg | May 7, 2018
In reply to @liz223 "I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I..." + (show)
@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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If you are refering to ladybugmg, I am 91 years old,had occassional depression when in my 20's due to heavy responsibilites and now and then since my husband died 12 years ago. I am proactive so if I feel sadness coming on I immediately take more time for mindfulness meditation. One thing I have learned is letting go of the past that was hurtful and try to focus on the happy days that I shared with my late husband. I also look for news on the internet about people doing good things for each other, even strangers to them. I also do research on the internet about the latest research about the brain and because of imaging they are coming close to solving the mystery about anxiety and depression.

REPLY
anniegk | @anniegk | May 7, 2018
In reply to @liz223 "I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I..." + (show)
@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

Jump to this post

You are a amazing lady. I

REPLY
ladybugmg | @ladybugmg | May 7, 2018
In reply to @liz223 "I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I..." + (show)
@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

Jump to this post

Thank you!

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