Time to move to retirement home?

My husband and I moved to independent living in a CCRC in March. We used to live in this area until we found a great retirement home in another state in 1990. It was isolated (26 miles to a supermarket) in the woods. We lived there over 35 years, but when he started showing signs of dementia, I decided it was time to get closer to family. We looked at this place in 2024, but he wasn't as bad then and we didn't make the move.

It's in southwest Ohio, so I don't know if any of you are in that area, but I'd highly recommend it if you are. There also seems to be a lot to choose from around here. Ours is a non-profit with all levels of care and it's been around for over 100 years. It's like a small town. We are in a duplex in an old section with lots of grass and big trees. There are also apartment buildings, cottages, and larger homes available for independent living.

There are two restaurants on the grounds, a YMCA with a pool, movie theater, library, outdoor courts for pickleball, garden plots, a greenhouse where you can store big plants over winter (they pick them up in the fall and deliver them back to you in the spring). bus trips to groceries and Walmart, a shuttle to take you wherever you want to go on campus, a clinic on site, and probably other stuff I'm not even aware of yet. A new development of houses borders a golf course at the county park next door and the CCRC owns a boat that can take residents for boat rides on the small lake there. There's an entire wing in one of the main buildings for arts and crafts, a woodworking shop, and even a room for model train enthusiasts.

It's not just like a small town in size. It's also like one in the friendliness of the people and staff. And they allow pets! That sold me! 🙂

If needed, there's memory care, adult day care, assisted living, and a nursing home, plus they have a home health agency that serves the CCRC as well as the surrounding community. None of it is cheap, but then no CCRC is. However, they do have a wide variety of prices. They also offer the option of paying an entrance fee that is fully refundable to you if you move out or to your estate if you die while living here. Paying the entrance fee gives you lower monthly rent. Or you can choose to skip the entrance fee and pay higher rent.

We're in one of the cheaper sections, and so far we haven't paid the entrance fee. The rent is high, but it includes all utilities and TV service, plus a full maintenance and groundskeeping staff. And since we're no longer paying property taxes and insurance or having to pay for home repairs or replacement of appliances, etc., it really is pretty much a wash.

If you're considering a move to a CCRC, shop around and ask a lot of questions. If you can manage to talk to any of the residents, do that. And I'd guess a non-profit is also the best way to go anywhere, especially if it's been around a decent amount of time.

And good luck on the downsizing! That is NOT fun. I sold some things, gave away a lot more, and threw away stuff that wasn't worth selling or giving away. Haven't missed a bit of it. It was just "stuff," and I didn't need or use most of it anyway. I have a Life Is Good shirt that says "Simplify" on the front, and that has become my new motto!

Do I miss our home in the woods? You betcha! But life moves in stages, and at this stage of our lives, this is the right place to be.

@ret2tus Great to know. You gave me a lot of food for thought and I did talk to my husband tonight about it. I'm going to get through this month with trying to resolve remodel issues/selections. Get to a completion date, figure out how to get it on the market. Sell, and chill in the rental I'm in. While doing that, I am going to look at independent/assisted living places here in South Florida where we are since all of our doctors are here, and he's been doing the lequembe infusions. Thanks, again. I really appreciate the reach out.
Best, Karla

@kjc48 You have a great memory. We did move into our NYC apartment. Our daughter lives nearby. Our son and his family live in LA.

@judimahoney I love your grandmother's wise poem....and your generous share. thank you.
Best, Karla

@grandmajoan Yippee, I remembered but that's because it was such a good post that day, and something positive happened for you, and that's a good thing! I'm glad your daughter is nearby! And New York, New York. I used to work for IBM in New York. I remember those days. Best, Karla

@zanthi
If you ever need help with senior moving and want coordination for every detail, including packing and secure transport, https://www.nobelrelocation.com/ can offer specialized options for these situations. They’re known for being especially careful and supportive with moves like this.

@4goakley
Hi Kathy. My husband and I didn't exactly what you are doing. We downsized by 2/3. We have been married 52 years. Sold our home. We were so excited to move into a brand new independent living community that also has Memory Care when needed for him. Now, I am not saying this to dissuade you from your new adventure. I am saying yo really check out your new place. I was so looking forward to housekeeping...it's not enough. I have to pay someone extra to come in and do a good job. Oh! To not have to cook anymore! The food is bad and after 3 years it's only gotten worse. My husband was excited about not having to do lawn care. We have more weeds than the field next to us. Nothing is as they promised. So, unfortunately, we are moving. My husband has Dementia and Parkinson's. Every change or move causes him to decline even further. Talk to other residents. We had no one to talk to because it was brand new. Good luck! God bless! May your dreams come true. ❤️

I would definitely do it now. I waited and regret it. My husband has Dementia and Parkinson's. The move and all the changes really caused him to decline.

This is such a helpful thread, with so many sharing resources that are available, along with their personal experiences! I'm in the midst of researching options in my area - everything from CCRC for both of us to Memory Care for my DH, who is , thankfully, still in moderate-stage Alzheimer's. Here's a site that I've found invaluable: MyLifeSite.net. Its goal is to "provide unbiased and in-depth information to help consumers and their advisors effectively navigate the decision process." I've especially learned from the tab on the site labeled CCRC resources - it has so much detail, including a lengthy set of questions to ask when researching CCRC's. The questions are GOLDEN! (And even though its focus is on CCRCs, I also learned more about the other options available.)

Here's where I am right now ... although that may change as I learn more or as our situation changes. (I do have more places to visit). What I came to understand is that my priority is to make sure my husband has an option in place for quality care if and when I can't manage his needs in our home -- which would be if his physical needs require more strength than I have ... or if there are other situations beyond my ability. And if that occurs, he would need to be in a place I feel great about. So I focused my efforts on identifying just such a Memory Care facility that is also close enough I could go there regularly. I have applied for him to be on the waiting list there ... and I continue to look for other memory care options in my area, because waiting lists can be long and it's okay to be on more than one list. Like the wonderful grandma poem ... one thing at a time! I'll continue to look at other options for me, because I wouldn't need our entire house just for me. But knowing the huge work of downsizing, I may focus on that secondarily. The hard reality is that we don't know how slowly or quickly this awful disease will progress, and I want to have an option for him in place sooner rather than later. It seems we each have to find the route that works best for our unique situation. So thankful for this support group!