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Time to move to retirement home?

Posted by Kathy @4goakley, Feb 12 6:41am

My husband , 3 yrs into an ALZ diagnosis, is still fairly independent.
We are happy in our apartment and neighborhood.
I am wondering if it’s better to move into a retirement community while he can still adjust to a new environment, join in activities, etc.
Or to wait until we NEED more care ?
I would appreciate hearing others' experiences.
Thank you.

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bclane | @bclane | 11 hours ago

My husband and I moved to independent living in a CCRC in March. We used to live in this area until we found a great retirement home in another state in 1990. It was isolated (26 miles to a supermarket) in the woods. We lived there over 35 years, but when he started showing signs of dementia, I decided it was time to get closer to family. We looked at this place in 2024, but he wasn't as bad then and we didn't make the move.

It's in southwest Ohio, so I don't know if any of you are in that area, but I'd highly recommend it if you are. There also seems to be a lot to choose from around here. Ours is a non-profit with all levels of care and it's been around for over 100 years. It's like a small town. We are in a duplex in an old section with lots of grass and big trees. There are also apartment buildings, cottages, and larger homes available for independent living.

There are two restaurants on the grounds, a YMCA with a pool, movie theater, library, outdoor courts for pickleball, garden plots, a greenhouse where you can store big plants over winter (they pick them up in the fall and deliver them back to you in the spring). bus trips to groceries and Walmart, a shuttle to take you wherever you want to go on campus, a clinic on site, and probably other stuff I'm not even aware of yet. A new development of houses borders a golf course at the county park next door and the CCRC owns a boat that can take residents for boat rides on the small lake there. There's an entire wing in one of the main buildings for arts and crafts, a woodworking shop, and even a room for model train enthusiasts.

It's not just like a small town in size. It's also like one in the friendliness of the people and staff. And they allow pets! That sold me! 🙂

If needed, there's memory care, adult day care, assisted living, and a nursing home, plus they have a home health agency that serves the CCRC as well as the surrounding community. None of it is cheap, but then no CCRC is. However, they do have a wide variety of prices. They also offer the option of paying an entrance fee that is fully refundable to you if you move out or to your estate if you die while living here. Paying the entrance fee gives you lower monthly rent. Or you can choose to skip the entrance fee and pay higher rent.

We're in one of the cheaper sections, and so far we haven't paid the entrance fee. The rent is high, but it includes all utilities and TV service, plus a full maintenance and groundskeeping staff. And since we're no longer paying property taxes and insurance or having to pay for home repairs or replacement of appliances, etc., it really is pretty much a wash.

If you're considering a move to a CCRC, shop around and ask a lot of questions. If you can manage to talk to any of the residents, do that. And I'd guess a non-profit is also the best way to go anywhere, especially if it's been around a decent amount of time.

And good luck on the downsizing! That is NOT fun. I sold some things, gave away a lot more, and threw away stuff that wasn't worth selling or giving away. Haven't missed a bit of it. It was just "stuff," and I didn't need or use most of it anyway. I have a Life Is Good shirt that says "Simplify" on the front, and that has become my new motto!

Do I miss our home in the woods? You betcha! But life moves in stages, and at this stage of our lives, this is the right place to be.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 8 hours ago
In reply to @ret2tus "@kjc48 Karla, the nice thing about the rental option for an independent/assisted living place is that..." + (show)
Profile picture for ret2tus @ret2tus

@kjc48 Karla, the nice thing about the rental option for an independent/assisted living place is that you're typically not locked into a year-long contract. Rents are usually month to month. Of course, there can be waitlists for these places too. That seems to be more and more the case where I live in the Tucson area. May be different elsewhere.

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@ret2tus Great to know. You gave me a lot of food for thought and I did talk to my husband tonight about it. I'm going to get through this month with trying to resolve remodel issues/selections. Get to a completion date, figure out how to get it on the market. Sell, and chill in the rental I'm in. While doing that, I am going to look at independent/assisted living places here in South Florida where we are since all of our doctors are here, and he's been doing the lequembe infusions. Thanks, again. I really appreciate the reach out.
Best, Karla

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grandmajoan | @grandmajoan | 7 hours ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@grandmajoan I know what you mean about bowls, platters, forks, spoons, all the duplicate stuff I..." + (show)
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@grandmajoan I know what you mean about bowls, platters, forks, spoons, all the duplicate stuff I accumulated. I used to cater so I have so much kitchen stuff. The challenge for us right now, everything got thrown into storage, when we were forced to move out. There's so much stuff packed in, I can't get in, and I'm alone - you're right. My husband isn't helping. I can't put a dumpster out where storage is, so I haven't been able to do anything in those storage areas.
We're in a rental. I've got boxes in here now. And right now, I just have to finish this remodel, get the house on the market. I'm a realtor, so I'm selling it, which is another overload right now for me, get a buyer, go through the closing, and then deal with all the stuff in storage. I have a rental, but all this cost is killing me, so I haven't been able to even look around. I'm just trying to deal with first, the remodel, then the sale, then the buyer/closing, then the storage and finding another place, then transferring it all to the new place, then sorting it with a dumpster and getting rid of alot of it. Maybe that's backwards but I can't figure it out any other way. I might be able to make a dent in two of the storage units, but where' the furniture is crammed, I can't get it any of that! And OMG I have a million cookbooks, that I for whatever reason, can't bring myself to letting them go. So that's my story, but thank you for answering, because your move reminds me, and gives me clarity, on what I need to do. I'm glad I posted this this morning, because it actually gave me some clarity.
Courage, clarity and God's light in helping us through life's challenges.
Best, Karla (PS, I remember you telling me, where did you move? near your adult children, I think).......Wasn't it New York in an apartment where you saw your two daughters, I think? Sorry, if I'm wrong....

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@kjc48 You have a great memory. We did move into our NYC apartment. Our daughter lives nearby. Our son and his family live in LA.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 7 hours ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@kjc48 Hello again. I think I've posted this poem I found on Facebook here before, but..." + (show)
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@kjc48
Hello again. I think I've posted this poem I found on Facebook here before, but it seems appropriate now for all of us feeling overwhelmed:
My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future
or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.

You see?

Advance step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
And then another.

You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.
Author: Elena Mikhalkova

I decided we are moving next year so have started organizing our things into sell, donate or trash piles.
I also enlisted a family friend to help organize the basement full of tools and machinery that have been in a state of suspended animation for over two years.
Once I made the decision to move and downsize, it was a little easier to tackle something I knew would need to be done before we leave.
My therapist suggested I make a list of all the things I would like help with (even if it probably won't happen). It's a start. That way if anyone (shocker!) offers help, you are ready with your list and can give them an assignment that anyone can tackle without you having to be there (since you are so busy with everything else).
Good luck! 🍀

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@judimahoney I love your grandmother's wise poem....and your generous share. thank you.
Best, Karla

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 7 hours ago
In reply to @grandmajoan "@kjc48 You have a great memory. We did move into our NYC apartment. Our daughter lives..." + (show)
Profile picture for grandmajoan @grandmajoan

@kjc48 You have a great memory. We did move into our NYC apartment. Our daughter lives nearby. Our son and his family live in LA.

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@grandmajoan Yippee, I remembered but that's because it was such a good post that day, and something positive happened for you, and that's a good thing! I'm glad your daughter is nearby! And New York, New York. I used to work for IBM in New York. I remember those days. Best, Karla

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