Time to move to retirement home?

My husband had to pass a simple cognitive exam and show that he was able to ambulate independently. The problem is trying to guess how much time you have before he won't be able to do so. He also wasn't driving when we moved in. The CCRC provides weekly bus trips to local stores. I still drive so it is not a concern. Also in the last 7 years the amount we were required to pay as a buy in has increased about 70,000 dollars. It is never going to cost less than now.
If this is something that you believe you will need in the future then now is the time to look. Some facilities have waiting lists that take several years depending on the type of unit you want. I looked for a facility that had every level of care and I toured them all, not just IL. Because we moved before it was necessary he was with me in IL for the first 5 years. Then his mobility issues caused his move to assisted living where he remained for a year. He moved to skilled care in January 2025.
This was not an easy decision or move. We moved to a state where we had never lived because it was close to our daughter and her family but the facility is lovely and was financially reasonable.

@judimahoney that is good to know. My 82 year old mother was just diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. My 83 year old father is completely overwhelmed. My parents have always been very closed mouthed about their finances and still will not discuss it with my sisters and I. However, after meeting with the Home Health social worker he has finally relented to meeting with the Elder Care Lawyer but wants me to do it as he doesn’t think he will be able to understand what is going on. We had to do a lot of translating for him after the geriatric doctor and social worker appointments. I am waiting to hear from the lawyer about how to move forward.

I would recommend seriously considering moving sooner rather than later for all the good reasons given by others. Based on what I have heard in my local support group, people have also been very happy that they made the move early.
- There is a limited number of options in each location and you do not want to be surprised about missing a window of eligibility.
- The whole downsizing process is grueling and once your partner is more advanced, you may not have the bandwidth to manage it.
- Establishing a bit of history in the new home is good for both of you. People get a chance to know your partner when he is more "himself"

It is not easy. We are in a lovely area that is familiar to my husband and that has a lot of places and events that have allowed us to stay very active, which has been great for him and for me. But I am far from family members.

@turtle4115
This is so helpful. Thank you!

When my grandmother needed more care, we moved her while she was still adjusting fairly well to new settings. From what we saw, settling in earlier made a big difference for her, she was able to make new friends and get used to her surroundings before any sudden health changes happened. It also gave us time to figure out which community and care level felt right. It’s a tough call, but early moves do seem to make the transition less overwhelming for the whole family in the long run.

I am currently thinking of our future living requirements. Spouse has dementia and is at the stage where she sometimes forgets grandchildren’s names, where we live and never remembers the date. She has been diagnosed with L.A.T.E. We have an excellent facility nearby and I will be scheduling a tour soon. Currently our veterans group meets there weekly and the staff has been very kind and generous. I did inquire about cost and it is eye opening IMO. While I can manage the $10k per month cost that includes memory care I find myself wanting to explore other options in that price range. Right now I am the 100% caregiver and it takes the majority of time. I am considering having someone come in to help. I’ve told myself the trigger for full time memory care is when she forgets who I am.

If we were to move into a facility and my spouse is in memory care and I am in independent living does that mean she would live in another part of the facility under 24 hour supervision?

Hi. I made this original post in February.
Well, we are moving into a retirement community in September ! My husband is actually looking forward to our new apartment, new activities, new friends. 🤞
I am looking forward to NOT shopping, cooking, cleaning, and planning every minute of our lives.

Yes, it’s a lot of work….downsizing, moving, etc so I’m glad we are doing it while we are still healthy, and not in a crisis situation.
Yes, it seems expensive and I realize we are fortunate . We worked and saved all our lives. We can no longer travel. Our financial advisor has assured me we can do this.

To answer danno900 . We will be in independent living as long as possible. When my husband needs memory care , he would move to another part of the facility.
But communities vary in their services……you have to check them out. Wishing you all the best. Kathy

@4goakley I appreciate you making this post again, as I'm in a rental from a house that had mold-turned-into-a-full-remodel (and still not ready) so I can sell it and move. During the same time my husband was diagnosed with MCI and is doing every two-week infusions. Our life has been in chaos now for almost a year living in 7 storage units - it's been so overwhelming. To add to the pressure, I have to sell my house, close, take the $ and figure out where we go. Then deal with 7 storage bins of stuff. I'm stuck. Caught up in whether I plan short term and where to go, or plan for long term, where to best go, based on my husband's MCI progression, and whether we'd be best suited in continuing care facility, independent living first or an over 55, with in home care OR in a downsized house in a community, for whatever time, OR some out of state move closer to our adult children who are all spread across different states. Quite frankly, it's been so confusing for me. We love our kids, but their lives are so busy, and my son from another marriage, I never see him. He's in Texas; I'm in Florida. So, my hunch is not to focus on closeness to the kids but figure out the best living situation for our needs now. I just wish I had more clarity. Best, Karla
Best, Karla

@kjc48 Good morning! After just going through a downsizing and a move, I really recommend you do it as soon as possible. It is an overwhelmingly exhausting and emotional time. Take advantage of the opportunity to give away or throw out things you don’t need. For example, I’m amazed at how many mixing bowls, colanders and measuring cups I accumulated. 😄

Also get as much help as you can. My husband was not able to help very much or he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to throw anything away. I had to do much of the sorting and discarding on my own. I understand his strong attachment to our things but we couldn’t fit everything in the new place.