Time to move to retirement home?

@4goakley Well we’re moving to one next month! We had thought of moving in several years (we’re almost 80 yrs)! It should be a lot easier and it’s in a great location. But you can ask me in a few years, Becky
I totally forgot to say: if you are thinking about, then it’s best to start looking NOW. Start by making lists. Does the home accept our health insurance, does the home have aides that can help you, do they provide good meals. You get the idea! It’s a lot of work, but worth it!

Hello:
I am (hopefully) years from this decision.
Is there one facility that has levels of supported housing, so you can move from retirement home, to assisted living, to memory care as needs change?
I am hoping I will ultimately find an ideal situation like this so it's less impactful at each change (i.e., the facility won't change, just the level of care, so your husband won't be as upset or confused with each change).
All the best to you. 🌼

I have a couple of friends who moved to retirement communities quite early (IMHO!) because they anticipated that their spouse was going to need much more care at some point. I think they and their partners benefitted from making friends and engaging in activities while they were still able. In one case, the spouse has now declined considerably so is in the skilled nursing portion of their community but she is still in the unit they shared originally.
The other couple moved to another community to be closer to supportive friends since they lack family support.
If it were me, I would look for a suitable retirement community close to where we are now, that would enable us to maintain friendships, doctors, and other community activities. But since my husband is not likely to move from our house, which he and his brother built, I can only speculate.

Depending on the availability of "retirement homes" in your community, waiting until you "NEED" more care may not be an option. Both my husband and myself are now 79 and feel fortunate to be living in a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community) since last May. Let me explain our decisionmaking process and journey to get here.

I began noticing my husband's memory lapses five years ago, and after being referred by his PCP to a neuropsychologist in 2023, it was determined that he hd mild to moderate cognitive impairment. He was subsequently referred to a neurologist and after many tests was diagnosed with dementia in 2024. By that time we had decided that it was time to move from our single-family home in a lovely 55-plus community , but we weren't sure whether to move closer to one of our two married children--both of whose families live cross-country--or to stay in the area where we had retired 20 years ago. We decided to take a first step by selling our house and first moving into an independent living apartment in a rental care community that also offered assisted living. After not quite a year living there, we decided that my husband would most likely need skilled care or memory care in the future, neither of which the rental facility offered.

We were extremely lucky that the CCRC we liked had an independent living apartment we preferred at the time. So far, my husband is OK living in that apartment as long as I am with him, but all the other levels of care are available to him as his dementia worsens. The reason I said we were extremely lucky is that eight months later, this CCRC is 100 percent occupied, with a waiting list of almost 100 people! However, because my husband already had "dementia" on his medical record (those records are scrutinized very carefully by CCRC's), he wasn't approved as a Life Care resident like I was but only as a "90-day" resident. That means that if he goes into Memory Care, he will receive only 90 days of care before having to pay the market rate.

So my advice to anyone considering a move to a "retirement community" in the future, is to research what's available in your area and get on a waitlist (or even two) so that option is more likely to be available when you decide you need it. Aside from a fairly minimal refundable deposit, there really is no downside to getting on a waitlist. If your number comes up, you can always say you're not ready and you'll retain your position on the waitlist. The second thing I'd recommend is to decide to move in before your loved one is officially diagnosed with dementia so that they can get the full benefit of a Life Care community. (It's my understanding that in some CCRC's, a person with a dementia diagnosis can't be approved for entry at all, so we were again lucky that my husband was accepted at all.)

I apologize for this being so long, but I hope our story may be helpful to those who are just beginning their decisionmaking journey.

We moved to a retirement community with progressive levels of care when my husband began getting lost and doing unusual things, and it has been a fairly smooth adjustment. I think moving sooner than necessary is preferable.

@4goakley: Moving is hard work, but we downsized our possessions, sold our real estate and moved into a CCRC retirement continuing care community over 10 yrs ago (independent/assisted/nursing).
I believe in looking at life realistically - we made this big decision FOR each other. This decision would assure our future would ok, even if circumstances changed and we were alone, had less income, health problems occurred and we needed care, etc. We have a Lifetime Guarantee we will be okay!
We are now in our 80’s & 90’s and have never doubted our decision. We have no worries or doubts… we have Peace of Mind! We are living life in luxury with fun neighbors and future help available when needed.
Our children were skeptical of our decision at first, but soon saw how comfortable we are living. Your decision is YOURS to make.
I wish you good hunting and hope you ask lots of questions of each facility, visit at odd hours and talk to residents about their lives. You will know when you find the right place!
Lots of good days ahead!

Ditto to these posts. My decision making processs is similar. My husband was diagnosed in 2023 but had his first MRI in 2016. We are moving into a CCRC in August- waited 2 years and now the waiting list is 3-7 years depending on what you want.
Turns out my husband may be going to Memory Care before I move into the apt but we will be in the same community so I can see him every day if I want and we can still enjoy some of the programs together.
He is 79 and I’m 74 this year.
Do not wait til you NEED it. Put your deposit down if you can.
Ideally we would have been able to enjoy independent living together but unfortunately that’s not working.
I’m so glad I have this plan though so I am taken care of too.

Thank you to all who have replied to this post.
We are meeting soon with a "Senior Living" consultant, who operates like a real estate agent for all retirement homes in our area ( with no obligation) She will assess our needs, give advice , book appointments to visit AND take us to see places, handle paperwork, etc..
Before proceeding, I will meet with our financial planner to determine what we can afford. 🤞
A big step , but I am encouraged by all of you on this site.

@4goakley Good for you. Having a plan is the road to peace of mind for you and your family.

@ret2tus
This is so helpful for me. We have been tossing around a move for a couple years now. I am confused about the continuing care community Not taking folks with dementia. Isn’t that the whole point of those facilities? We visited one in the Boise idaho and one in southern Utah. They are both beautiful setups, however we don’t buy a home you rent. Im worried about using too much of our savings. We are 69 & 70. If healthy hubby lives to his 90s we could be in a pickle.
Thanks for your thoughts!