Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

New to this support group I’m seeking empathy and suggestions. Married 40 years, I still work full time and my husband 11 years older, is retired, suffers from severe memory loss & depression. It’s gotten worse the past 5 years and I struggle daily to just
Live. He gives nothing back to our marriage, has one friend and leans on me for everything in our life. It’s overwhelming and sad. These are not the golden years I’d hoped for.

@kmliste You know "they know not what they do" due to whatever is happenign in their brain. They get tripped up easily, can't sequence their thinking, I think this leads to a bit of anxiety, and vulnerability especially when things are coming across text and the PC like wildfire. I don't really know how to manage it all; I'm having a hard time dealing with it with my own things on the PC, etc. It's too much. My stepson's mother, got scammed by an online guy who pretended to be a movie star that she just happened to idolize: Outlander's Sam Hueghan. Whoever catfished her got her to open up a bank loan, and the rest is history. My stepson was really upset along with the rest of his brothers, but that's how vulnerable people are even in sound mind.
Take heed, and that's just what I'm trying to do. Best, Karla

@lostinlimbo Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so sorry about your situation; it sounds so difficult. Has a doctor diagnosed him with severe memory loss? That office may have a social worker who will be able to help you. The SW may also know of someone who you could talk to and get some support. But, I’d better let the members who are much more experienced than I, help you.

@lostinlimbo l’m really sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed, caregiving certainly can do that to you. You have the added responsibility of showing up for work on top of a million other responsibilities, that’s a lot. I don’t know what kind of work schedule you have, but if you could find a therapist and there are support groups at many times to accommodate all kinds of schedules. Come to this source anytime you have some extra time, you will always find caring, supportive comrades that are going through so many of the same problems and feelings as you. It’s comforting.
Blessings, Linda

@rolett1
My wife has dementia, White Matter disease, and at high risk for Alzheimers. She had been on Aricept, and it didn't seem to help much. She started having side effects, mostly nausea, and we went through a whole series of tests and changes in medication. At this point, she is off Aricept, and she's doing well in the nausea area, doesn't need Zofran any more. This has been a ten year slide so far, was finally diagnosed in December of 2023. We have Long Term Care insurance which covers a caregiver on a 24/7 basis, but we just use her weekdays for 8 hours a day. We are aging in place, I'm the 24/7 unpaid caregiver. We've been married over 70 years, both 90. I believe there is no silver bullet for this, and so we are taking it one day at a time. What has helped me, in dealing with this situation, was the Savvy Caregivers program, put on by Dartmouth Hopkins Dementia center of Excellence, a six week Zoom program. The course covers the various Dementias, and coping with the behavior. This Mayo Clinic connection has also been helpful.

@kjc48
It seems like you are doing a great job, too. You are being very proactive. Scammers are thieves and they prey on people.Your husband is blessed to have you. I KNOW you are tired of all of it too as am I.
Whenever possible, I ( Just me-not a suggestion for all) try to listen to webinars and go to seminars on scams. It is what I can do for both of us for now.
This walk we walk is very difficult. Sometimes I can laugh about some of it but most of the time it is constant vigilance…..and he is not yet in the actual dementia phase!!! It wears me out. I also have someone with IDD that I am responsible for. No retirement for me! or us!
You get it! I may some day too be in this boat. Who knows? God be with you and all of us.
Most sincerely….

Same happened with my husband. He got involved with three different scams and lost A LOT of money which has put us in a very difficult place financially. There was no convincing him he was being scammed. A year later he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Looking back, this was the first sign that something was seriously wrong - an out-of-character breakdown in judgement.
The dementia red flags should go up if scams are occurring. Hopefully this will help someone else to recognize early signs!

@kmliste I like your suggestion and never considered that. So thank you. We had someone get into our bank accounts and credit cards, they were changing all of our credit card background detail to a "green dot" bank. Fictitious. I still don't understand what they were doing but over time, they probably would have pulled out the remaining money we could use and forward to their scammers fictitious account. My husband isn't in the dementia stage - diagnosed last year with MCI. but he's up there clicking away every day. Ugh. Prayers to all of us, daily. I remember days long ago, when I never heard about a lot about scamming. A different generation we live in now. For sure. Best, Karla

@kmliste PS, thanks for telling me you think I'm doing a great job. I'm sure you are too! Best, Karla

@inkyblb
I agree with you. When my husband was scammed it was very out of character for him and a first sign!!!!!! And he would not listen to me.