Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Good morning nod Happy New Year @tryingtimes10 I know you only asked for women's perspective, but my wife suffered from brain cancer and severe dementia-like symptoms, so I wanted to chime in. We were married for 41 years and she was diagnosed when she was 46.

I was my wife's sole caregiver for over 14 years. I think the most important things that helped me were these:

Her broken brain (disease) made her a different person. I had to accept that and learn to love this new person each day as things, and she changed over and over.

While we wish there were guarantees in life, there are none when it comes to our future. Also, life often feels unfair when it comes to how our lives change as we become caregivers.

My dad was an alcoholic, and I learned to live the mantra of "one day at a time" as a caregiver and to loving my spouse for how she was that day.

I had to learn to give up wishing this wasn't happening and wanting to go back to how things, and she, were in our past. Our clocks can never go backward.

I hope my insights might be of help.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@stuffy Thank you for this post. I especially found your comment supportive where you mentioned that friends,and family and guests don’t really see any difference
. That’s our house.
You made me chuckle (when you said that vegetables may end up in the bread box). I relate. Hopefully I can upload two photos to show you what happens when my husband unloads the dishwasher (which I used to appreciate). I think you will appreciate how it is supposed to look vs after he unloads the dishwasher….) 🙂
Pardon errors I may make. Broke my hand over weekend and doing everything one-handed.
Here are the photos (I hope).

@IndianaScott
I really get all of this. Dealing on a daily basis with someone who once was so strong and independent, the go to person, is slowly becoming dependent on me. Living day to day with all the repeat questions, conversations, and repeated stories, some days lots of confusion and not understanding simple instructions, technical issues with phone, bank, sending a message, taking a picture, and the list goes on. Today I made steak with different color peppers and onions and he told me he doesn’t like onions and peppers. I thought I was in the twilight zone. All his life he LOVED PEPPERS AND ONIONS, I’m so confused.

I feel for all of the spouses here taking care of our loved ones with MCI. I feel so sad for him sometimes because he doesn’t even know it. 🙁

I speak to a therapist twice a month because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

@IndianaScott
I really get all of this. Dealing on a daily basis with someone who once was so strong and independent, the go to person, is slowly becoming dependent on me. Living day to day with all the repeat questions, conversations, and repeated stories, some days lots of confusion and not understanding simple instructions, technical issues with phone, bank, sending a message, taking a picture, and the list goes on. Today I made steak with different color peppers and onions and he told me he doesn’t like onions and peppers. I thought I was in the twilight zone. All his life he LOVED PEPPERS AND ONIONS, I’m so confused.

I feel for all of the spouses here taking care of our loved ones with MCI. I feel so sad for him sometimes because he doesn’t even know it. 🙁

I speak to a therapist twice a month because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

@rolett1 Oh yes, you do have someone to talk to everyday: Mayo Connect. And this site is loaded with people who care, who understand, who can relate to your husband loving peppers and onions and now he doesn't like onions and peppers. Go figure! It's not funny, but I chuckled when I read this. Because my husband hated chicken. Now he loves it! Go figure again! I agree with one of the below responses. Your articulate description of what you're going through matches exactly what we're going through, what I'm specifically going through ....repeat. repeat. repeat. It's like the old "Pete the Repeat Parrot I got for the family a long time ago. Yes, the simple instructions he trips up, repeated stories, some days lots of confusion, all the technology ups and downs with his phone and his dreaded PC, where he keeps clicking, on anything and everything, and then we have more technical issues. However, with all that said, I just have to keep reminding myself, he's physically here, my life partner by my side - even on days he's confused - for better or for worse. Best, Karla

@kmliste This is a wonderful, visual representation of how jumbled the brain of a loved one with MCI is. Thank you for posting.

@kjc48 thank you, Karla, I appreciate you. Thanks for letting me vent. This morning I’m deleting all the apps on his phone he never uses. 🙁

@rolett1 Just wake up every day and ask God for his help so you don't feel so alone. Every day feels like a Monday with caregiving. Just one continual challenge after the other. Repeat. repeat. repeat. I appreciate you too, for responding to my share. Good, you have a plan to delete all the apps on his phone. I pass by my husband while he's on the PC and every day, I ask him. "Now what's my Edward Scissorhands getting into today." Yikes we were hacked into back in 2025 so I'm real cautious over what he's clicking.
Best, Karla

@IndianaScott
I really get all of this. Dealing on a daily basis with someone who once was so strong and independent, the go to person, is slowly becoming dependent on me. Living day to day with all the repeat questions, conversations, and repeated stories, some days lots of confusion and not understanding simple instructions, technical issues with phone, bank, sending a message, taking a picture, and the list goes on. Today I made steak with different color peppers and onions and he told me he doesn’t like onions and peppers. I thought I was in the twilight zone. All his life he LOVED PEPPERS AND ONIONS, I’m so confused.

I feel for all of the spouses here taking care of our loved ones with MCI. I feel so sad for him sometimes because he doesn’t even know it. 🙁

I speak to a therapist twice a month because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

@rolett1 tonight my husband with MCI got a text from a close friend and he asked to interpret the message. It broke my heart. This is by far the toughest thing I ever dealt with. Message me whenever you need to reach out to someone. I am going through the same thing