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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Posted by tryingtimes10 @tryingtimes10, Dec 31, 2024

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.

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2me | @2me | 1 day ago
In reply to @agnes01 "I can certainly relate. My husband was diagnosed with MCI about 3 years ago. Every month..." + (show)
Profile picture for agnes01 @agnes01

I can certainly relate. My husband was diagnosed with MCI about 3 years ago. Every month he seems to get a little worse. It is a frightening feeling that the person you have depended upon (married 56 years) is not "there" in the same way. I am usually patient but I find that rather than repeat the same story from the beginning again and again, I just don't bring it up. I try to get him to do some games like crosswords, but he isn't interested. I signed up for this group about 3 years ago when he got the diagnosis, but haven't found it necessary to follow. Now I do, and I thank you all for being there for support.

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@agnes01 I could have written most of this. Diagnosis for my husband was in 2021, but for awhile memory loss was on a plateau. Things seem to have speeded up in the past several months…and, like you, I’ve not given details of upcoming events until it’s almost time. And I’m sad not to be able to discuss some things that all of our 52 years married, would have been mutual discussions/agreements on things. Flying solo was not on my radar, but here we are. Like you, I lurked once in awhile on this group, and now, I rarely miss a day of checking in with my “friends” here. Thank you all!

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judimahoney | @judimahoney | 1 day ago
In reply to @2me "@grandmajoan —I hear you! At every turn, we hear “exercise is very helpful for memory patients”..." + (show)
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@grandmajoan —I hear you! At every turn, we hear “exercise is very helpful for memory patients” but when the patient can no longer walk that far, or has pain when they do, well…not only does it take away the beneficial movement for the patient but also another way of doing health things together. I find myself forgoing walks, for fear of making him feel even worse…and that isn’t good for MY health! I also feel I’m missing out on some things for not wanting to leave him alone too long. And he says “May I borrow your brain for a minute….” You and I are in a similar place. 52 years married, here. Take good care of yourself! (Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out how, with the limitations? Be well.

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@2me
I wonder if movement in water, any form of semi-swimming, may be less painful as a form of exercise. Sometimes I do a mini workout in the hot tub; that may feel good and hopefully not painful and keep his muscles from atrophying.
All the best. 🌺

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2me | @2me | 1 day ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@2me I wonder if movement in water, any form of semi-swimming, may be less painful as..." + (show)
Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@2me
I wonder if movement in water, any form of semi-swimming, may be less painful as a form of exercise. Sometimes I do a mini workout in the hot tub; that may feel good and hopefully not painful and keep his muscles from atrophying.
All the best. 🌺

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@judimahoney Thanks, Judi! We do have a pool…and maybe this week it will get warm enough for him to swim. That will help a lot, as he does love swimming! 🌻

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agnes01 | @agnes01 | 22 hours ago
In reply to @2me "@agnes01 I could have written most of this. Diagnosis for my husband was in 2021, but..." + (show)
Profile picture for 2me @2me

@agnes01 I could have written most of this. Diagnosis for my husband was in 2021, but for awhile memory loss was on a plateau. Things seem to have speeded up in the past several months…and, like you, I’ve not given details of upcoming events until it’s almost time. And I’m sad not to be able to discuss some things that all of our 52 years married, would have been mutual discussions/agreements on things. Flying solo was not on my radar, but here we are. Like you, I lurked once in awhile on this group, and now, I rarely miss a day of checking in with my “friends” here. Thank you all!

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@2me
It is terrific to be in a group where you are so easily understood and validated. I try not to burden my children with the day to day issues. I can see the day when I will be needing more of their help. For now, I will check in to this group.

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trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | 4 hours ago
In reply to @2me "@judimahoney Thanks, Judi! We do have a pool…and maybe this week it will get warm enough..." + (show)
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@judimahoney Thanks, Judi! We do have a pool…and maybe this week it will get warm enough for him to swim. That will help a lot, as he does love swimming! 🌻

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@2me rs years.
Be very careful getting him in the pool; my husband was always a very strong swimmer.
A couple of summers ago, my daughter and grandson were here swimming, and my husband jumped in to join them. He couldn't keep himself up. Using a float, my daughter was able to help him to the stairs; it took two of us to get him out. If she hadn't been here, I don't know if I could have gotten him out by myself.
I'm not sure if he forgot how to swim or was too weak, too.

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n82821 | @n82821 | 3 hours ago

We have been married for over 70 years, both 90, she is five months older. She was diagnosed, with dementia in December of 2023, although it had been apparent to me for several years before, that she was having difficulty. We decided to age in place. The Life Plan communities would separate us, she in Memory Care, and I in independent living, so that was a no brainer. It is not easy, though, as I am wearing out. We both have long term care insurance, so she has a caregiver for 8 hours a day, five days a week. The Plan of Care allows for a 24/7 live in caregiver, and we may have to go that way, as I am slowing down. There are some really tough moments living with her, as she is scared and very dependent upon me, and sometimes gets very anxious, and belligerent. I use deflection, a lot, changing the subject, or just walking away. I did a Savvy Caregivers program with Dartmouth Hitchcock, and it was very helpful. It's not easy being green, and it's not easy being a 24/7 unpaid caregiver. Our children help out when they can. One day at a time.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 3 hours ago
In reply to @joycel10 "These are are very good questions. I was followed by a Neurologist for a couple of..." + (show)
Profile picture for joycel10 @joycel10

These are are very good questions. I was followed by a Neurologist for a couple of years. Every year she gave me a written test with a supervisod
Psychologist.
When she saw a my numbers are going down she started testing with pet scans, blood test to see if I hv the dna other test
Pet scans saw I had plaque on on brain. I did a lot research there are 2 infusions Laquembi and Kasula the first 2 X month the second once a month stronger
I went the 1st one
Let me know if you want to talk
Joycel10

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@joycel10 I see your post and am curious how you are doing on lequembe. How many lequembe infusions have you had? My husband is on the 19th infusion, every two weeks. I'm just curious, how far into the lequembe you are, and from a person taking the infusions, if you are noticing any improvement. Thank you and best of luck with your treatment. Best, Karla

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2me | @2me | 3 hours ago
In reply to @trishaanderson "@2me rs years. Be very careful getting him in the pool; my husband was always a..." + (show)
Profile picture for trishaanderson @trishaanderson

@2me rs years.
Be very careful getting him in the pool; my husband was always a very strong swimmer.
A couple of summers ago, my daughter and grandson were here swimming, and my husband jumped in to join them. He couldn't keep himself up. Using a float, my daughter was able to help him to the stairs; it took two of us to get him out. If she hadn't been here, I don't know if I could have gotten him out by myself.
I'm not sure if he forgot how to swim or was too weak, too.

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@trishaanderson wow…that is very scary! thank you! I’m glad your daughter was there to help!

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midnightwalker | @midnightwalker | 1 hour ago
In reply to @2me "@joycel10 My husband just made that same decision this past Friday at the Neurologist’s office. All..." + (show)
Profile picture for 2me @2me

@joycel10 My husband just made that same decision this past Friday at the Neurologist’s office. All the tests seem to point to it being a good idea, to help slow the memory loss. He will be starting Lequembi as soon as insurance is sorted out, which hopefully will not take long. Best wishes to you!

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@2me I'm getting the insurance sorted also to start Leqembi . I have been taking 5mg Donepezil for about a year and feel my memory is pretty stable. I am hoping the infusions will clear out some of the gunk in my brain, but worry about the effects of such an invasive medicine. Anyone out there getting bad reactions from the infusions? I don't know if I continue the Donepezil--will have to ask...so many questions, so few concrete answers in this new world. Going to be 80 this year so really can't complain.

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