Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Posted by tryingtimes10 @tryingtimes10, Dec 31, 2024

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.

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Profile picture for agnes01 @agnes01

I can certainly relate. My husband was diagnosed with MCI about 3 years ago. Every month he seems to get a little worse. It is a frightening feeling that the person you have depended upon (married 56 years) is not "there" in the same way. I am usually patient but I find that rather than repeat the same story from the beginning again and again, I just don't bring it up. I try to get him to do some games like crosswords, but he isn't interested. I signed up for this group about 3 years ago when he got the diagnosis, but haven't found it necessary to follow. Now I do, and I thank you all for being there for support.

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@agnes01 I could have written most of this. Diagnosis for my husband was in 2021, but for awhile memory loss was on a plateau. Things seem to have speeded up in the past several months…and, like you, I’ve not given details of upcoming events until it’s almost time. And I’m sad not to be able to discuss some things that all of our 52 years married, would have been mutual discussions/agreements on things. Flying solo was not on my radar, but here we are. Like you, I lurked once in awhile on this group, and now, I rarely miss a day of checking in with my “friends” here. Thank you all!

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Profile picture for 2me @2me

@grandmajoan —I hear you! At every turn, we hear “exercise is very helpful for memory patients” but when the patient can no longer walk that far, or has pain when they do, well…not only does it take away the beneficial movement for the patient but also another way of doing health things together. I find myself forgoing walks, for fear of making him feel even worse…and that isn’t good for MY health! I also feel I’m missing out on some things for not wanting to leave him alone too long. And he says “May I borrow your brain for a minute….” You and I are in a similar place. 52 years married, here. Take good care of yourself! (Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out how, with the limitations? Be well.

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@2me
I wonder if movement in water, any form of semi-swimming, may be less painful as a form of exercise. Sometimes I do a mini workout in the hot tub; that may feel good and hopefully not painful and keep his muscles from atrophying.
All the best. 🌺

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Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@2me
I wonder if movement in water, any form of semi-swimming, may be less painful as a form of exercise. Sometimes I do a mini workout in the hot tub; that may feel good and hopefully not painful and keep his muscles from atrophying.
All the best. 🌺

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@judimahoney Thanks, Judi! We do have a pool…and maybe this week it will get warm enough for him to swim. That will help a lot, as he does love swimming! 🌻

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Profile picture for 2me @2me

@agnes01 I could have written most of this. Diagnosis for my husband was in 2021, but for awhile memory loss was on a plateau. Things seem to have speeded up in the past several months…and, like you, I’ve not given details of upcoming events until it’s almost time. And I’m sad not to be able to discuss some things that all of our 52 years married, would have been mutual discussions/agreements on things. Flying solo was not on my radar, but here we are. Like you, I lurked once in awhile on this group, and now, I rarely miss a day of checking in with my “friends” here. Thank you all!

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@2me
It is terrific to be in a group where you are so easily understood and validated. I try not to burden my children with the day to day issues. I can see the day when I will be needing more of their help. For now, I will check in to this group.

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