Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Posted by tryingtimes10 @tryingtimes10, Dec 31, 2024

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.

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Profile picture for slarson14 @slarson14

My friend is 70. Flew in to do some business and I volunteered to pick him up at the airport. I was in the "Cell phone lot" waiting and waiting. He texted me that "We have landed". He texted me "Am behind 120 other people getting off this plane". Then he texted me "At baggage claim". Then nothing else until he texted TWENTY minutes later: "Have I missed you?".

The weird thing is when I got this text and went get him: found him standing at the curb outside "Arrivals". I asked him: "Why did you text and tell me you were at baggage claim"? He said: "This IS baggage claim". I said: "No, baggage claim is INSIDE and this is passenger pickup at the curb". He just said: "No big deal...!" I had sat there for 15-20 extra minutes waiting.....so I thought it very odd he would not have texted me "Am outside at the curb...".

He has also begun to fixate so MUCH on a task that he forgets other important things going on during the moment....it is as if he is unable to multi-task any longer and if interrupted he gets angry. This has been going on for more than a year.

He has been doing odd things like this for about two years. His father had dementia by age 72; do you think he has something going on? Anyone else ever have this experience?

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@slarson14
It's possible there is something going on. If my husband is engrossed in something (usually word search puzzles or on his phone), nothing else exists. He doesn't hear me when I talk to him, notice I am in the room, no awareness of anything else except what he's focused on.

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Profile picture for annie1946 @annie1946

That is a great thing to remember. Thank you. I worry about the future a lot too.

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@annie1946 Me too !

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Profile picture for tuckerliko @tuckerliko

Thank you to all who have posted. My husband, 80 years old, has MCI. Diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. So far his abilities are pretty stable
but his ability to process requests seems to be getter worse. I have over time changed my expectations such as not asking him to do anything related to budget, bills, financial issues. I would appreciate any tips you all have regarding adapting to verbal difficulties, checking on his welfare etc. I try not to be too afraid for the future but am still sad, as you all are, about the changes in my darling active capable husband.

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@tuckerliko Likewise. The changes. . . I never dreamed this would happen. Lonely as he is “gone” a lot. It’s often like I am just one person here.

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Profile picture for kjc48 @kjc48

@joemurphy43 Joe, in evaluating your question, my husband isn't on donanemab but lequembe. He's in his 18th infusion - a treatment of 36 infusion. There's an article from mindthegulf.com that compares Lecanemap vs. Donanemab, I thought was helpful. Made me question, why our neurologist suggested one over the other. That's worth asking which I'm sure you've done.
I tried copying the link with no success. What I can tell you about the consideration of doing any infusion therapy, my husband and I didn't see any other way. He was hopeful it would slow down the progression of his early diagnosed MCI and still is. He's had no side effects. Not that this is a deciding factor, but the infusion therapy in South Florida is packed with people both men and women from 60-90 years old. Although these general comments may not provide the statistics we look for, it does validate the hope that comes from slowing down this awful progressive disease. Best, Karla

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@kjc48 KC. Thanks for your input, after much research and anguish, we have decided against going forward with the infusion treatments…we will never know if this is the right or wrong decision (if there is in these situations) but we are comfortable with this and after 53 years together we will make this work and enjoy the good times

Thanks to all
Joe

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Any decision is a good decision and being positivite regardless of what we decide is a good thing.
Enjoy your 53 years together, one day at a time. That's all we can do. Best, Karla

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Profile picture for dederickve @dederickve

@tuckerliko Likewise. The changes. . . I never dreamed this would happen. Lonely as he is “gone” a lot. It’s often like I am just one person here.

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@dederickve
It messes with my mind that I am terribly lonely with my husband by my side. Luckily we have a dog that I speak to all the time. If I speak to my husband and he doesn't answer, I turn to our dog for conversation and much-needed pets.
Some folks on this forum talk about seeking others to be with for physical touch, etc. I just can't imagine doing that while still married, but I totally understand the temptation for deeper connection.
Hugs all around folks. 🫂

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Has anyone taken special videos or audio recordings of their MCI spouse to listen and/or share with family later? People often do this with end stage ALS or cancer. Heading into the depths of MCI your loved one’s voice, like @judimahoney mentioned, may be lost.
I’m more fond of audio recordings - maybe of a story they often tell or a favorite subject. A recording of a time well spent with a child or grandchild would be lovely to share in the future years.

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Profile picture for 2me @2me

@joycel10 My husband just made that same decision this past Friday at the Neurologist’s office. All the tests seem to point to it being a good idea, to help slow the memory loss. He will be starting Lequembi as soon as insurance is sorted out, which hopefully will not take long. Best wishes to you!

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@2me
Thanks

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Profile picture for slarson14 @slarson14

My friend is 70. Flew in to do some business and I volunteered to pick him up at the airport. I was in the "Cell phone lot" waiting and waiting. He texted me that "We have landed". He texted me "Am behind 120 other people getting off this plane". Then he texted me "At baggage claim". Then nothing else until he texted TWENTY minutes later: "Have I missed you?".

The weird thing is when I got this text and went get him: found him standing at the curb outside "Arrivals". I asked him: "Why did you text and tell me you were at baggage claim"? He said: "This IS baggage claim". I said: "No, baggage claim is INSIDE and this is passenger pickup at the curb". He just said: "No big deal...!" I had sat there for 15-20 extra minutes waiting.....so I thought it very odd he would not have texted me "Am outside at the curb...".

He has also begun to fixate so MUCH on a task that he forgets other important things going on during the moment....it is as if he is unable to multi-task any longer and if interrupted he gets angry. This has been going on for more than a year.

He has been doing odd things like this for about two years. His father had dementia by age 72; do you think he has something going on? Anyone else ever have this experience?

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@slarson14 Definitely sounds like some form of cognitive impairment.

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Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@dederickve
It messes with my mind that I am terribly lonely with my husband by my side. Luckily we have a dog that I speak to all the time. If I speak to my husband and he doesn't answer, I turn to our dog for conversation and much-needed pets.
Some folks on this forum talk about seeking others to be with for physical touch, etc. I just can't imagine doing that while still married, but I totally understand the temptation for deeper connection.
Hugs all around folks. 🫂

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@judimahoney , for me it helps to hug friends and family. Accept any friendly touch offered by others. I know, it’s not the same as the touch from your special person, but it helps. Receiving no physical touch for weeks is devastating to the soul.
Hug your dog.
🌻

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