Survivors of toxic relationship with a Narcissist: Let's Connect

I would like to just talk to other members who are dealing with a narcissist partner. I am not intending to leave him. Too late in life for that
I just would like the community support.

I am one of those people. 71 year old lady here. Been married for 44 years. I don't want to leave him and have hung on knowing that he is a narcissist for 2 years now. Some times do come that I can't stand him any longer and I am ready to leave him and then it gets better. Always a struggle and a roller coaster ride for sure. It takes it toll on you after awhile but I seem to always persevere. How about you?

Often what is going on within someone narcissistic is much worse than it feels on our side. Step back and pray for their healing works nicely but can enable their behaviors to become an every day part of life that has no boundaries, lacks responsibility for the hurt they cause ( it’s our fault?) and we are living in an environment that is at least emotionally unsafe. I wish we could love that trait out of others but, for 19 years, I enabled instead.

@sheila1960 It has been a while since you last posted, and I was wondering how you are doing. Could you post an update when it's convenient?

Hello @dublin2019, and welcome to Mayo Connect. I'm glad you found this forum and are looking for support. Share a little about your situation as you would like. For example, what do you do for yourself to keep yourself safe and happy? Do you have a personal support system within your family or among your friends?

Hello,
Yes I have friends to support me.
My husband is a narcissist . I have sought out professional advice and described my situation
They stated he is malignant.
Also, I recently have been dx with Invasive breast cancer. He has suddenly become "normal", caring and non manipulative. We are both going to separate therapists. He said the 6 weeks he has gone has really helped him and he wants to be t better person.
In addition, I was so stressed out about us not talking for 3 months and my BC dz that I told my two adult children some of the experiences I've had with him. They turned against me like I was single handedly the sole perpetrator in this situation. They are 38, 34 2 males that live 1 mile from me and have their own place.
Our family life has been stellar because I never told them what I was expert. I had reached my limit with a number of unexplainable situations that sent me into extreme anxiety.
I am 72 female and have been married to this man for 42 years.
Please t
Joyce

@dublin2019
God Bless You. Best of Luck. My heart breaks for you. Joyce I am saying a prayer for you now and will keep you in my prayers. The narcissist is never healed through therapy. Please know that. Once a narcissist always a narcissist. My husband has been through therapy now for a year and a half. Yes, he is better for sure but relapses many times. Make sure that you have strong boundaries and review them and enforce them at all times to protect you. I am 71 years old and have lived with my narcissist husband for 44 years. I just went through lung cancer stage 1 surgery in February. He was very supportive and helped in many ways. But always remember that they are never really healed. Their narcissist character always comes back to haunt them and you. Be well

@diverdown1
Don't they have to be diagnosed? I did mention to attorney that I believe my ex is a narcissist, but attorney just asked if a Dr. diagnosed it. No diagnosis because , ex never sought one. Ex would deny the very thought that he is one.
Does a diagnosis help your case ? Especially if it goes to trial? Can the courts demand a Dr. diagnosed report? Thank you anyone who can answer this

@gardenchef
You've endured for so long,
Can you share traits of narcissist behavior? I didn't realize my soon to be ex is was narcissist until recently, I'm trying to understand this behavior & how it's diagnosed.
I pray for your situation 🙏 May God give you strength, wisdom & peace

I would suggest that you read the book It's Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula. The book explains a lot. It saved my life. Best of luck to you.