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Life after being a caregiver
As i read some of the post i can certainly relate to the frustration, anxiety, guilt, etc... I was a caregiver for my husband who had pancreatic cancer and lived for only 9 months. What makes me upset is people telling me how i should act/feel. I have secluded myself from them, because i didn't want to hear it. People often think they are helping but, i would rather they say nothing. I will never be the same my life is in total turmoil. Being a caregiver was the hardest job i ever had to do, and i would do it all again, through all the mood changes, anger, every time i did something he didn't like i would tell him im sorry and he would say sorry is not good enough. My children kept telling me that's not dad, he doesn't realize what he is saying. I pray often and rely on my faith but my heart is broken and who knows if it will ever heal. Thanks for listening.
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Listening and understanding. Time always helps heal but a broken heart will always be broken. Wish it were not so, but it changes you.
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4 Reactions@slarson14
It took 5 years after my husband died with Alzheimer’s on April 29 for me to quit hating the beautiful with life and promise of April in my area. Yes, agreed that you kind of get over it, but you are forever changed.
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5 ReactionsI am so very sorry for all you have been through.
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3 Reactions@angelicajoy21, the multiple layers of your loss are also expressed by many in this related discussion started by @anncgrl
- The End: When caregiving ends, my husband passed away https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-end/
It's a lot to unpack, reflect, and define the next path your way, not how people think you should feel, do, or react. You are among people who get it.
If you would like, you can also join the discussions in this related support group:
- Loss & Grief https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/
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4 ReactionsYour words, "Being a caregiver was the hardest job i ever had to do, and i would do it all again" brought tears ....no, not just tears - I can't stop bawling like a baby - your words resonate - Those are my feelings exactly! One can never anticipate what life would be like after the loss of a spouse, unless they have experienced such a loss, is going to ask how you feel - they know! Take care of yourself now, as difficult as that may be to begin with. I know - it's been four months and I'm still struggling to find some semblance of normality. Grief support groups may help, I've joined one and find being with other struggling with the same emotions and attempting to understand what comes next does help. All the best to you, stay strong.
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8 ReactionsAngelica -- It's been over a year for me, and I'm doing pretty well... I think.
But I still experience moments now and then, that take me back to where I was previously... where the feelings were heavily sad. Believe many of us here will admit that we share these episodes. Just witnessed this in some of the earlier posts in this same thread.
Reading your words this morning got to me... and took me back for a spell.
What helps me is to recall that:
-- I did the best I could -- not saying I was perfect; and
-- She's now in peace, and no longer suffering.
Time does help. Engaging with others (family, friends, others, pets) can also. Hobbies, reading, music and spirituality too. Also taking good care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally... healthful eating, exercising, some outdoor activities... and staying connected to the world.
It's good that you shared your feelings with us. We're all in your corner here. And wish you the best during this time.
/LarryG
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10 ReactionsI'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know what you are going through because I lost my husband to lung cancer in 2024. Life is never the same and you are lonely. But you do have your faith and that helps. I know that my husband is up in Heaven and out of pain. We will be reunited in God's time eventually as will you and your husband. However, it's hard being left behind. You are fortunate that you have your children. Tell them how much you love them often. I'm going to be 80 and all my family and friends are up in Heaven with my husband except for one son who hasn't spoken to me in 20 years. So, I talk to God everyday and it helps. My prayers get answered.
You mentioned that you pray. That's good! That will get you through this difficult time. Life does get better. I'll say a prayer for you.
PML
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5 ReactionsI totally agree that being left behind is beyond hard. Its been only 5 months and i feel so broken at times. I cannot imagine my life ever getting pass this, but with god's help maybe just maybe i'll learn to feel again.
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3 ReactionsThank you for those kind words. No one see that side the broken side of humanity (good choice of words). Being a caregiver was so very frustrating because i wanted to fix him. Make him better, enjoy him, But reality of it all is I was slowly watching him die. God said that he doesn't give you more than you can bear. I fail him in that aspect. I having a hard time functioning, and feeling. However, i totally agree with no one knows how you feel until you've walked in a caregivers shoes.
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2 Reactions@angelicajoy21 I’d like to add that the quote isn’t like that in the bible. It is different and used often unfortunately imparting feeling of defeat in caregivers.
Strength, Courage, & Peace