The End: When caregiving ends, my husband passed away

Posted by anncgrl @anncgrl, Tue, Oct 22 9:58pm

My husband passed away on July 17th from complications of frontal temporal dementia. We were both at our end. We fought the good fight for a very long time knowing there was no cure. It is going to take awhile to change speeds and join the world around me. I am working on recovering my health and beginning to take care of long ignored business matters. I am grateful for the opportunity to caregive my husband and I will always be amazed at how exhausting, sad, frustrating, rewarding and painful caregiving was for me. I could not have done it without the chat groups of other caregivers sharing so honestly about their journey and their many tips on how to do various processes at home. God bless each of you. Caregivers are unsung heroes!

My thoughts and heart are with you tonight, and in the many lonely nights and days to come. What you have done for your husband is extraordinary, and we understand. Love and comfort to you.

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Yes You have a lige to kive even though the hole in your heart will awyays be there. I have read so much since my husbamd died 2 years ago: it helps me remember…

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@anncgrl Blessings on you, and your family. I am glad you let us know. It's a lonely time right now, and you're so right, having to change hats to another role. Please be gentle on yourself, and know we are still here for you.
Ginger

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Hi @anncgrl, I really appreciate your taking the time to come back to Connect to tell us about the passing of your husband and your new "status". You might be interested to know that we have a Loss & Grief group on Connect: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/

I know what you mean about having to change speeds. After his passing, there's so much to do and people around, but when that's all done what''s next? How are you doing today? What are you doing for you?

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Other caregivers in the group, including me, are thinking of you. We're applauding your devoted care and sending you virtual hugs. There is life after caregiving. Is there something you've wanted to do for a long time? You deserve happiness and can claim it for yourself.

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Condolences. Caregiving is hard and you did a wonderful job. I am still on my journey on dealing with the grief of losing my mom and the only advice I can offer is to take it one day at a time. And if you need help, do not be afraid to ask.

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Hello @anncgrl I am sorry to read of your loss. This is never an easy time, but seems to be especially when you have been a caregiver. I have found grief to be as arduous and unique as the caregiving journey you have recently completed.

I wish I had some gems of wisdom, which would make this time easier, but all I can think of is one of the ideas I used when my caregiving time ended. I began a 'to do' list of things that I had not been able to do when caregiving. Most were short and tiny — call some old friends, reach out to someone I had lost touch with during my years of caregiving, attend a local event in town, paint all the chips in the walls from the wheelchair, and the like. As I would do one, my 'rule' was to add a new one to the bottom so I always had something to look forward to, or that I had to undertake (when they were the things that weren't so fun like repairs, deep cleaning a room, etc.)

Wishing you all the best as you move forward!

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Please accept my condolences, @anncgrl.

I'm sure that you and your husband waged a valiant war as you fought this process. Please know that I am proud of your courage and determination. I hope that you will continue this journey with the help of family and friends.

Do you have a strong support group surrounding you right now?

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Thank you for your words. Especially for those of us who are at the beginning of our caregiving journeys. Sometimes I think I may lose myself in this. I’m trying to figure out how to create a new life during this time that my husband is going through recovery from surgery and treatment for pancreatic cancer. I appreciate your words. If it feels right to you, I would be interested in reading updates from you, how you catch up on all that needs to be done and how you recreate your life.

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@anncgrl, Good evening. It is November 9, and your name was flashing on my waitlist. That means it is time to check with you. I think it has been a while since we heard about your shoulder replacement recovery process. What are you experiencing now? Have you found the right clothes and the best exercise? Did you use the ice machine? What has surprised you and what has caused you some difficulty? We all learn from each other so sharing is our food chain if you will.

I am also concerned about your grieving for your husband. In what stage of grieving do you find yourself? Do you have feelings of anger? Are you experiencing depressive thoughts and low energy? Grieving is a process….and most of us do very well and can begin another chapter with some degree of ease and comfort. Others need more time and can benefit from counseling therapy. I am hoping that you are moving forward and healing. Be content and at peace. Chris

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I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing. Grieving is extremely difficult. My daughter, 45 passed suddenly in June and I have cried and am sick inside every day. It is tough. She was my life and my sunshine. They say it gets easier and memories become sweeter. I pray for strength fir you in the months to come. If you ever wish to chat, I am Kathi from Hampton Hall.
Im so sorry. I share in your sorrow.

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@ihtak46

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing. Grieving is extremely difficult. My daughter, 45 passed suddenly in June and I have cried and am sick inside every day. It is tough. She was my life and my sunshine. They say it gets easier and memories become sweeter. I pray for strength fir you in the months to come. If you ever wish to chat, I am Kathi from Hampton Hall.
Im so sorry. I share in your sorrow.

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Hi @ihtak46 Just wanted to suggest you may want to edit your post and remove your name, hometown, and phone number since Connect is a public forum.

Just a suggestion for privacy and your online security.

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@ihtak46

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing. Grieving is extremely difficult. My daughter, 45 passed suddenly in June and I have cried and am sick inside every day. It is tough. She was my life and my sunshine. They say it gets easier and memories become sweeter. I pray for strength fir you in the months to come. If you ever wish to chat, I am Kathi from Hampton Hall.
Im so sorry. I share in your sorrow.

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Hi @ihtak46 Kathi, I removed your personal phone number from your post. We recommend not sharing personal contact information on a public forum for your safety.

Kathi, I'm glad to see you posting here. Thanksgiving must have been a trying time without your daughter. Did you do something special in her memory?

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@ihtak46

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing. Grieving is extremely difficult. My daughter, 45 passed suddenly in June and I have cried and am sick inside every day. It is tough. She was my life and my sunshine. They say it gets easier and memories become sweeter. I pray for strength fir you in the months to come. If you ever wish to chat, I am Kathi from Hampton Hall.
Im so sorry. I share in your sorrow.

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@ihtak46 I remember you talking about painting again. If you don’t mind, maybe you could tell us what you’re working on and whether it has helped you

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