96 YO Mother fall questions

@gently, Bigger fish to fry. Just left the hospital. Mom's heart failure is progressing. She stopped taking her water pill. Doc says she should be okay but she may need rehab stay after the treatment. This will be interesting how she gets evaluated.

We were out of town when she called my wife asking for advice and she told her to call 911. I called her back a few minutes later and she was confused. I yelled call 911 three times. Her neighbor call us and said the ambulance was there a few minutes later. Great fellow who just lost his own mother recently.

@renee17, It's almost impossible to know when to back off. I've had that situation this past week. She was telling us her breathing was a little difficult. I asked her all the usual questions thinking possible heart failure. She told me she was okay and I reminded her to call 911 if she felt typical heart attack symptoms. We've been through these many times. About three months ago she called 911 when her BP spiked. I praised her for her action instead of calling me. So today she called my wife while we were out, complaining of difficulty breathing. My wife told her to call 911. I waited a few minutes, called her back and she hadn't called 911. In fact she was beginning to sound confused. About ten minutes later, her neighbor called us and said the ambulance was there.
She's doing well tonight. I won't say what she said when we got to the hospital but I think she's beginning to accept the idea that she can die. The ball was in her court and she chose 911. If she hadn't I was going to call 911 but she doesn't know it.
So yes, it's very hard to intervene. If they die because you didn't, I think you know how you'll feel forever.

Woojr, prayers for your mom.
I've so enjoyed your spirited posts about her. She just may charm her way out of rehab.
Thank goodness you and your wife are on call, even when you're out of town.

@gently, just to clarify out of town was 45 minutes away and mom knew where we were going. To one of the most beautiful and relaxing places, Longwood Gardens. I'd also compliment the hospital staff for such a great effort to keep us aware of her situation. Her nurse called this morning to tell us she was doing well.

Picking mom up today. Doc says she's looking great. Now comes the challenge, will she take the meds as directed? My money's on maybe.

@gently thanks so much for the link and especially for reaching out. I will revisit this and look into it in the morning when my brain is fresher.

I thought looking dazed and confused while driving quite subjective as well. That was written on the letter from DMV stating his license was revoked. My hubby thought that came from the police. I told him it couldn’t have, they have never watched him drive. We live in California where there has been some controversy over “older” drivers. My husband is 78. Perhaps I will go ask for the police report. I chalked most of it up to the neighbor being oddly difficult.

My husbands depression and some of the ptsd stuff didn’t start until he retired and had time to ruminate. He had always been a workaholic which kept all that pretty much at bay. Unlike in the story and what u hear with many veterans there isn’t any acting out. The biggest issues are detachment and depth of depression. In going thru the VA programs several times “they” decide my husbands ptsd isn’t that bad (another subjective and vague opinion) even though the VA acknowledges both the ptsd and depression. In fact we’ve been told that until he deals with the ptsd that he won’t get rid of the depression but then they say his ptsd isn’t enough to garner more treatment.

crabby, the block is used for general depression. I consider that most of us have had enough trauma by the time we are fifty, that we all could benefit from a reset by stellate ganglion block.
I wondered what state you were in because my friends' experiences in CA gave me the impression that the DMV is protective of the right to drive for the elderly. I think a procedural mistake may have been made in your husband's situation.
I find the description of the revocation of his license completely unfair, though you have the better understanding of the situation with his driving. I hope it works out for the best for both of you,

@woojr ,your mom sounds just like our dad. He’s 94, last year he had a fall at home after his birthday celebration, he had too much to drink, we put him to sleep at his house, he insists in living alone. He’s been pretty much healthy until this fall. I wasn’t there, I live in Tampa Fl, he lives in jax Fl, close to older brother.
Next morning my brother and family went to check on him and found there was blood on the floor and dad was still sleeping. Dad doesn’t remember anything and insisted he was fine. He had a bruise nasty eye and small cut above the eye, refused medical attention at the time, very stubborn. During the next month, still refusing medical attention, we all noticed while talking with him on the phone, he’s speech was a bit different. Then he finally said, something isn’t right, I don’t know but I feel different, more tired than usual , I immediately travelled to Jax, the next day took him to the emergency room, he was dx with bilateral hematoma, incredibly he’s lucky to be alive! Ever since then he isn’t the same. He needs walking assistance, cane, he still do his walk out in the morning, completed physical therapy, speech therapy, he’s been staying with 2 other siblings since. He refuses to live in an independent living, he insists to go home. His geriatric dr is great with, he listens to her not us 😆.
The doctor said no more driving and next week my sister will take him home to watch him how he does, the doctor suggested it. This trial will prove if he can live alone or not, my sister is not allowed to help him , food, nutrition is still a problem, he had a person that he paid , he drove to pick up food Monday to Friday, since he’s not allowed to drive, the lady doesn’t drive, we are still trying to resolve the issue, he’s a picky eater! In the meantime he’s doing a bit better, we see that he’s becoming stronger, but is part of the recovery, slowly and the care we are giving him, we are concerned if he lives alone, he will decline fast. Stay strong everyone. Take care of yourself also. 🩵

Only the luckiest of us depart this life with dignity and in peace. The rest of us will have a troubled and somewhat undignified end. Just hope your marbles will know the difference and plan ahead.

@gloaming , I'm missing something, the marbles? It's strange, because when I read this, I have a deja vu feeling. Something I never get.

As for luck involved in leaving this life, I don't know if there is such a thing.

Mom is home from the hospital and trying to balance her water pill with what she takes into her body. No luck there. I think she will tire of this challenge. My wife just prepared some things she likes. I think she'll eat it and feel better for a bit but she now knows she has heart failure.