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96 YO Mother fall questions
Hello and thank you for reading this message. Mom is in unusually good shape for her age. She's had a few falls over the last five years but has been very fortunate to really only have had some stitches and a couple bruises. She has started to walk with a cane but mostly walks around the house holding on to furniture, walls etc. Most of the house (she lives alone in her home), has no steps or tripping hazards. She stills drives regularly to PT, hairdresser and local store. She's been taking supplements for decades and takes BP and Thyroid meds for about ten years. She has a pacemaker. She cooks and eats a healthy diet. She had a minor stroke over ten years ago with no after effects. She's recently had issues with itching and dry skin and scalp. All in all she's amazing. A couple days ago she called and asked my wife and I to come help her get up from a fall in her kitchen.
We found her sitting on a hard tiled floor without any apparent injuries. There was a chair knocked over and some other things on the floor as she appeared to have been reaching for things. She weighs 97 lbs and it took all had to get her up without hurting her. I asked her what happened and she said she was standing at the table reading the mail and suddenly lost her balance and went straight down without hitting her head or anything else but she couldn't pick her self up. Most of the house is carpeted and a lot has throw rugs. She refuses to remove them. I think she likes the extra padding because she's fallen without having to tell us. I took the opportunity to address a number of falling while alone issues for the hundredth time. In the past I've noticed her balance has been getting worse and she refuses to use on of the several walkers around the house. I could go on about her risky lifestyle but why? Any suggestions to get her to carry one of the many phones at all times? And when should she be in assisted living before she falls and can't get up until I discover her unable to call for help?
Thanks again for reading.
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Update on mom today. She seems to be wearing down. I'm concerned about her living alone but she's very actively refusing any changes in her lifestyle. She's not recognizing the dehydration risks which are showing some symptoms. She just cooked some eggs with tomato sauce in a pan with toast under it. It's an Italian dish, sorry can't remember the name. I asked her what she'd like to drink, I'll get it. She looked puzzled and I told her what the choices were. It appeared she hasn't been in the habit of not drinking with meals. There weren't any cups or glasses near the sink with plates, pans, etc. I gave her a half a cup of water. She continued eating and I gave her a few minutes to take a sip. I asked her to do me a favor and take a sip. She drank a few sips and I asked her if the water tasted okay. Her voice immediately sounded better. She had just started her day just before we arrived about noon. She said she slept well. She slept from 9:30 the night before to almost noon.
I'm going to start a new regimen. I'm going there everyday about noon to verify her hydration and eating. Also to deal with mail burden which she can't manage any longer. She's a "victim" of mail harassment. A constant badgering of donation solicitations for decades.
For anyone out there who has opinions on my way of dealing with her aging, this has been an evolutionary trip for over ten years. Seeing her puzzled face and difficulty hearing and not understanding my questions around her drinking water was not aging with grace. It was not the confident woman I've known for a lifetime. It's close to the point where I'm going to have make decisions I don't want to deal with.
crabby55, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Depression can really cloud thinking and delay reflexes. I hope he can get help for that. It is so hard to live with for either of you. I wonder if he would be receptive to treatment with stellate ganglion block.
Did he lose his license over the hedge. there something else. Do you suspect the depression results from dementia or is depression the cause. Foot pedal misapplication is a very common cause of low speed, non injury though usually in parking lots accidents, mostly unreported.
Bless your struggle.
@woojr, does she have hearing aids.
@woojr, you might be interested in the helpful tips being shared in this related discussion about hydration and caregiving:
- How do you encourage adequate hydration?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/how-do-you-encourage-adequate-hydration/
@gently No hearing aids. It's weird, sometimes she acts like she understands what's being said but when I ask her to tell me what she heard she shakes her head. Her hearing has been failing for a few years. I knew it when I could hear the TV outside the house. She's not interested in seeing an audiologist. Neither is my wife who I could benefit from.
Same issues here. My MIL will be 95 in August. Has all her facilities, but she is very unsteady on feet. We can’t convince her to use a cane. FIL is 93 has macular degeneration and his Dr said he should be used no a walker. Again won’t use one, then my husband who is 73 needs to use a cane or walker, multiple falls; thank goodness nothing breaks. Nothing I can do!
@woojr at first, I thought you were reading my mind. My mom will be 93 next month, lives alone, has had a few falls but nothing too serious - yet.
She also walks around the house holding onto things and refuses to wear hearing aides. She doesnt drive anymore, thankfully.
She has lost weight, down to about 95, and has lost a lot of memories but can still make her own food using a microwave and keeps small bottles of water in the fridge to encourage herself to drink (she has mild sjogrens).
I go by everyday in the afternoon to make sure she remembered her medicine (not much) and has a plan for lunch and dinner.
She often can sleep from 10 at night until 2 or 3 pm unless someone wakes her up.
Is this a typical pattern? Is it bad to let her sleep longer than 12 hours?
It’s hard to know when to intervene or back off.
@breewhi, @woojr
"Mild degrees of hearing loss can cause up to a threefold increased risk of falling
https://www.utsouthwestern.edu/newsroom/articles/year-2022/july-hearing-loss-and-falls.html
@gently thanks for your response. I've never heard of Stellate Ganglion block. I will look that up. Part of the depression is probably familial, the other part PTSD from the Vietnam war. He's tried going thru the VA and I have even participated in special studies to help veterans navigate the mental health care system. Sadly bc my husband can "show well" his depression and PTSD is dismissed by the VA. He did loose his license over the hedge. Even though it was all on private property the neighbor the next day called the police to report. Unfortunately the police are obligated to turn it in to DMV. Also unfortunately these neighbors do things with a smile but are known to be problematic. They had also reported that my husband appeared dazed and confused while driving in his own neighborhood. Regardless, perhaps the accident was a wake up call of how easily things can happen. My husband lives in a lot of denial over how bad his depression is, how bad is physical health is [from lack of movement] etc. While unfortunate he lost his license perhaps this is a good thing. Fortunately he has the funds and know how to take Lyft. and we live in area where that is readily available.
crabby55, you seem to be staying neutral but have the thought that maybe your husband isn't a safe driver. I'm glad for the sake of your relationship that you are letting him remember and letting the DMV decide.
It surprises me that the DMV would accept a third hand report originating with a neighbor to suspend the license. The police report should be available to you. Looking dazed while driving is both subjective and vague. My neighbors son hit the neighbor's garage door after the same pedal mix-up. No one talked about taking his license; they bought him a new car.
Do you think your husband is protecting himself from labels or really doesn't recognize his depression. Even more than hoping for resolution over his license, I hope he can get free and free you of his depression.
I hope he is willing to try the block. I've read the most wonderful reports on success with PTSD.
https://veteransinpain.org/blog/f/a-veteran%E2%80%99s-sgb-story.