To move near family or stay put

I'm 73 and in very good health, considering that I need to rest more than I used to. I've been considering this question for the past several years. Both of my kids (daughters) are happily married with young kids. First, I looked at retirement communities close to one of my kids. who lives about 450 miles from me. The other cringed at the thought of me being closer-- I live about 300 miles from her now. I saw 2 communities that seemed ok, I could move there if I chose to, but I decided not to. My current home is nicer than their new homes and my mother was still living and spending six months of the year with me. I'd rehabbed the first floor bathroom, which is next to an office/bedroom, to ADA specs for her and I thought it would be better for her to have things the same. When she died last year (at 100) I started considering a CCRC friends were moving to. I could afford it and there were a lot of "pro's". But after looking at several units and spending some time there, I felt like I do after a long vacation- I just wanted to go home to my home. I've decided I'm not "ready" to downsize from my 4br, 2400sf home to a 2 or 1 bedroom unit. I love the artwork I've collected from friends or purchased, and the inherited furnishings I wouldn't have room for. Besides, my home is accessible with extra bedroom(s) if I need a live-in attendant. So, no, I'm not moving. My friends are here, my neighborhood is friendly (I've been here 25 years), and I can hire a driver if/when the day comes when I shouldn't be driving. So much to consider, and its such an individual decision. I know I can change my mind if I want to or need to. My kids are busy with their families. I love my grandkids so much that I do my best to be with them when they visit. I've just had a new kind of adventure with each of the families. I met one in Williamsburg and the other at Great Wolf lodge before several more days with each at my home. When they left, I slept for 3 hours, and was glad the housekeepers came the next day. I see them about 3x/year. That's about as often as my kids saw their grandparents and they were emotionally close, so I know it's possible.

@pachab00 my thinking exactly. But I’m 82. House is still too big for one tho. No I don’t want a roommate either.
I need to live where I feel safe, where things are familiar, and close enough to get to stores if I want to. At least for now I’m content. I love being content!

Aging in place - where you are familiar and happy, is insurance you will live longer. It is good to be around those who understand aging and friends who are supportive.

Kids today don't want us Boomers any more than they want our "keepsakes" or belongings.

We now live in a nice large community near beaches in Delaware and our adult children & grandchildren live 10 to 12 hours away. We are 70 & 74. We like it here & have a few friends here but not very close. We miss our kids & grandkids very much. Our kids visit 1 x year for the beach. We have 3 daughters in their 30’s & 40’s & one is an RN BSN. We always travel to them in Asheville & Nashville for holidays since it hard for them to travel long distance, otherwise we’d be alone. Our kids want us to live closer as we age either in Asheville or Nashville. We both had some medical stuff the past 2 years & are ok now. Since we are pretty healthy & independent now @ 70 & 74 we are discussing whether it makes sense to start looking into moving closer to our children whether it’s Asheville or Nashville area in a 55 plus community.

We now live in a nice large community near beaches in Delaware and our adult children & grandchildren live 10 to 12 hours away. We are 70 & 74. We like it here & have a few friends here but not very close. We miss our kids & grandkids very much. Our kids visit 1 x year for the beach. We have 3 daughters in their 30’s & 40’s & one is an RN BSN. We always travel to them in Asheville & Nashville for holidays since it hard for them to travel long distance, otherwise we’d be alone. Our kids want us to live closer as we age either in Asheville or Nashville. We both had some medical stuff the past 2 years & are ok now. Since we are pretty healthy & independent now @ 70 & 74 we are discussing whether it makes sense to start looking into moving closer to our children whether it’s Asheville or Nashville area in a 55 plus community.

We now live in a nice large community near beaches in Delaware and our adult children & grandchildren live 10 to 12 hours away. We are 70 & 74. We like it here & have a few friends here but not very close. We miss our kids & grandkids very much. Our kids visit 1 x year for the beach. We have 3 daughters in their 30’s & 40’s & one is an RN BSN. We always travel to them in Asheville & Nashville for holidays since it hard for them to travel long distance, otherwise we’d be alone. Our kids want us to live closer as we age either in Asheville or Nashville. We both had some medical stuff the past 2 years & are ok now. Since we are pretty healthy & independent now @ 70 & 74 we are discussing whether it makes sense to start looking into moving closer to our children whether it’s Asheville or Nashville area in a 55 plus community.

@sef26
Think about the things that you like about where you live now and if you can replicate those things if you move. Be realistic about how more often you would see your kids and grandkids if you move closer to them. Look seriously into the healthcare available in any location you're considering. Check into the cost and quality of living at each location. Look into the cultural opportunities and the culture at each location. If traveling is important to you, think about how close you want to be to major airport. If church participation is important to you, check out the local ones in wherever you're considering moving. Do you want to choose between the Nashville area and the Asheville area or are you considering something halfway? The fact that you are asking our group makes me think you're not fully buying into a move yet. If you were only to see your children and grandchildren as often as you do now, would you be as happy in the new location? Besides your children and grandchildren, what is important to you?

@kjoed53 , those are excellent points to consider. If I look at what has brought satisfaction to the seniors I see who have retired, I see those who are near amenities they can easily access such as medical facilities, grocery stores, pharmacy, restaurants, parks, etc. to be as positive factors. In some small communities transportation isn’t as available as larger cities, so being nearby services is crucial.

I work full time, but am also a caregiver for my mother, who is in a nursing home. Previously, I cared for her and my father in the home. Her current care still requires a lot of my time almost daily. I stay nearby to facilitate that. But based on what I have observed over the last 10 years, it’s not common for adult children to devote a significant amount of time in visiting or attending to their parents’ care or needs, even if they live close by. People think it’ll certainly happen, but it’s surprising how often it doesn’t. The visits are often infrequent and the parents end up disappointed and relying on friends and hired professionals. My parent’s friends often tell me they are shocked and dismayed.

So, I would talk to many of your peers to see what they are experiencing. Adult children pay caregiving, visiting, etc. their parents lip service, but in realty, it might not pan out. No judgment, no blame…..but it’s often the case even when living in the same city. You know your kids, but I’d really be cautious before moving from a place you love and that will meet your needs in the future.