To move near family or stay put

@jimhd I started a reply to you and my computer screen went blank and then black and the beginnings of my message to you were gone. . . .
Yes, the west side of the Olympic Peninsula is much wetter that Olympia. Once on a forestry field trip starting in Forks and going inland along the Hoh River, it rained 3.5 inches during the day we hiked in. We had been told to wear good rain gear, so I wore my canoeing suit which was rubberized, but the water on the trail went over my boots so I was sloshing most of the day. One woman wore sweats. She was cold and miserable, and could have been in danger if we hadn't taken care of her when we got back to the bunkhouse. We put her in a hot shower, and someone took her sweats to a local laundromat to dry them out; someone else loaned her clothes until hers were dry. More than one person ended up at the laundromat that evening.
Olympia's annual average precip is 50 inches. Bend gets about 13. Ponderosa pine needs 11 to grow. I'm right on the E edge of Bend, right at the transition between ponderosa and juniper, which says that it gets about 11 inches of rain here.

Be with family!!! As your death approaches you’ll never miss the pickle ball, clubhouse dining room, etc. You’ll want to see & hug your family as much as possible. They will be your comfort & assurance. End of discussion on my end.

@pegcmke not all families are emotionally close enough to see and be or want to be hugged. More often the younger generation are too busy with their own lives. Sometimes friends can be the family you are not fortunate to have.

@joanland What an experience! Years ago I considered being the pastor of a church in Forks, but my wife said that if I did, my salary would have to cover therapy for SAD.

We're in the middle of irrigated fields, at the edge of sage and junipers. I'd prefer ponderosa to juniper, as long as there's sunny space around the house.

@jimhd I just checked and Forks gets annual precip of 10 to 12 FEET! or about 150 inches.
Yes, living in Forks would require good rain geat, as well as $$ for treatment for SAD.
I take it you didn't accept that call.

@joanland You're correct. I chose to go to the tiny town of Paisley, instead, for ten years, then retired.

@rashida
In this post, the children are asking them to move closer to them. That is significant. Because our friends tend to be in our same age group, they face the same issues that we do. That means that we shouldn't depend on them for support because they may not be in a position to do so.

@kjoed53 sometimes children will encourage parents to move close to them with all good intentions, but young people have extremely busy lives with work and their own growing family so may not be able to give the kind of social and emotional support that the parents are getting already, where they are living. If they are enjoying their social life among friends of the same age group with same issues … why fix something that is not broken?

@rashida
I agree. My 94 year old dad moved in with us, now entering our sixth year. Prior to that, he and mom did not have friends or socialize very much in the community where they lived, but had friendly neighbors drop by daily here and there to chat—which counted for a lot, and they had each other (and I was over there frequently during the week). Our household, once teaming with activity of young people in and out, is now very quiet as kids are adults now living away, and caregiving began while COVID was still prevalent and no vaccines (so we never re established our friendships as they were before, with people here at the house frequently).
Dad feels lonely and isolated and hasn’t found a niche/outlet—despite many offerings over the years. Tough for him to explore with health issues mounting and physical abilities declining, even with my constant support and encouragement.

Seeing all this, I think that if someone is established with strong friendships and enjoying activities in their current location, it might be worth considering planning to age and obtain care within that same community. I would tour assisted living, independent living, skilled nursing facilities and make choices for the future. I would interview area care managers to have them eventually help with attending doctors appointments, coordinating care, and checking in to make sure all care is going well. I would talk to kids/loved ones about being POA and/or healthcare POA from a distance using the care manager when/if the time comes. I would have a plan and write it all out. Of course, finances can come into play here too—so options can vary and all this may not be obtainable….But having an active life that you enjoy is definitely not to be taken for granted! Of course, everyone’s situation and health needs are different, as are their family and friend relationships. And no one wants to find themselves isolated in their home and needing help, with no one close by to support them. So for myself, I hope to plan everything out as best I can (and afford)—being realistic. Just something to consider…..

There is one other consideration that may already have been mentioned: If we move closer to one of our children, and that person is also advanced in age (60 is advanced in age!), and that person is in an intact marriage, one or both of those two might need a great amount of care suddenly, just about the time the van driver asks you to sign his 'Everything got here and nuthin's broke' forms.

Now what...?