Survivors of toxic relationship with a Narcissist: Let's Connect

Wow, sounds just like my ex! The kind of person who stayed up at night thinking of ways to ruin my happiness. Would not let me have an enjoyable holiday, vacation, special occasion. It had to be ruined to make him happy. I guess that’s what struck me as the oddest thing. Even if his good time would be ruined, it didn’t matter. His joy came from making me cry.

Oh, and lying! The man would lie when the truth would help him. Lol

Don't waste anymore energy and life on this person. Leave now!

Both a therapist and attorney (if appropriate) could be of tremendous help to guide, plan and prepare a separation.
You must take steps with confidence to avoid returning to the same pattern.

I had a mother with NPD and a sister with NPD. My mother's sister had NPD and HER daughter has NPD. That's it .. I hope. My impression: It seems to me that NPD is more akin to a brain disorder than a mental illness. As such, psychiatric treatment is mostly ineffective with those that suffer with NPD. Most of us are born with a sense that there is something greater than self. Morals, ethics, religious ideals are based on our (human) sense that the whole world isn't necessarily about us. A connection with our sub-conscious if you will. People who have NPD lack this ability. All of their morality is about what is in THEIR best interest as a result. Their IS nothing greater than self for them. Individuals vary, they can be caring (as long as it makes them feel better about themselves in some way). They cannot love unconditionally; their love is based on what they get in return, (power and praise).

No-one really " survives " they merely move on, and try to make the best of what remains despite the damage!!

It’s simple: Don’t deal with crazies.

We invited my brother and his N wife to dinner. With no heads up, they arrived with a stranger whom my sister in law had met the day before and just brought her. Zero regard for others.

Hello @gardenchef and others in this discussion group,

In your post, you mentioned "setting up healthy boundaries." When an individual is separating themselves from an unhealthy relationship, setting healthy boundaries, as you mentioned, is an important first step.

Share, as you are comfortable, how you set up boundaries. Were there particular actions you took to keep yourself emotionally safe from the unhealthy relationship?

I see this thread is over a year old and I am in such a desperate need of talking to others who have been in a relationship with a narcissist. I can't say I'm a survivor yet because I'm still begging and pleading for him to talk to me because as normal I'm on the silent treatment probably til mid week as always . I can't keep living like this because I'm not even living anymore and havent for years. I feel so pathetic and just cannot believe that I havent the slightest clue on what to do or how to live day to day with out his f____ bulls$*t!!! Why am I begging him to tear me down more? Why can't I just be done with him. It's sickening to me and I am desperate to talk to someone who understands what I'm going thru right now. I can't think of a word that describes the level of distress I'm in right now.. please point me in the right direction for a support group anything that will help me help myself out of this daily f--ing turmoil !! Sorry about the cursing , I just ugghh!!! Uggh ugh . I can't do this by myself

@tlstark08 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Although this discussion was started in mid-2024, it continues to be active, the last post before yours was just last week!

May I suggest you take time to read through the posts by other members, and see what tools they have come up with to help them in their own situations?

Perhaps if you tell us a bit more about yourself, like how long have you been in this situation? Have you attempted any therapy for yourself or the both of you?
Ginger