Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

@bellsback
I am sorry to hear about your son. I pray daily for people with mental illness.
my sincere condolences.

@bellsback -- So very sorry! Surely there's nothing worse than losing a child---no matter his/her age. What you're going thru is beyond heart-breaking.
------- PS: -------
Please PLEASE
call your nearest Hospice. Most of them have ZOOM capabilities for each meeting!
-------
A NON-Profit hospice will offer FREE bereavement counseling. Some of the non-profit Hospices also offer a group just for parents who've lost their child--- any age. Also, some non-profit ones include 3 private sessions for Free in addition to the small group gatherings
I repeat: all can be attended by ZOOM.
I will put your son's name on a prayer list ... as "Bellsback's son" -- If, you'd like a different name, please message me.

--------------Anyone reading this:

If you're grieving the death of a family member, friend, please-please connect with a local Hospice.
Your loved one need NOT have been a hospice client before she/he died.
I only know about the NON-Profit hospices sprinkled all over the US.
My understanding about the ''FOR-PROFIT' ones is that most of them are top-quality too.
Please don't stuff your grief...
Grief work can be a beautiful tribute to your loved one.
Sending love to all who hurt.
_______

@ihatediabetes

Any time I've sent parcel or cards I'm accused with the words used "inappropriate behaviour" not once but several times. Which is bizarre when I'm acting normally as a mother. It must be projection but it's extremely hurtful when I'm doing all I can to stay connected with no reciprocated action 😢

I am in very similar if not even worse circumstances. Having "lost my kind young husband to terrible personality breakdown" in 1990. We had 2 beautiful infants at that time. 6 months and 18 months.
I was eventually left with no choice but to divorce him. Devoted life to babies happy wonderful well adjusted infants children. Became capable confident wonderful people skills. Clever respectful outgoing teenagers. Eldest my son went to University. Yet daughter at same time felt the loss of him the wrench away from home. She suffered a cluster of vaso vagal collapses. Neither her nor I at the time knew what was happening. Son thrived at his BA course whilst living in Halls away at Uni Natural concerns over sister took his focus away from applying himself. At that point I noticed time to time my son's change of behaviour. In my ignorance put it down to influences at Uni. My daughter lost all her wonderful self confidence. That was the beginning of cracks in her personality. Which are only evident in retrospect. That was 20 years ago at aged 16. Beautiful angel of consolation. Kind loving gifted in many ways. This beloved daughter has gone completely. Only to have become unprovoked vindictive and malevolent towards her beloved mum. There is no change in her ruminating narrative after all these years have past. Especially noticeable in Ed 2009 she became detached and lost her familial loving bond.. It just deteriorated and to this day holds the same bizarre wordplay. Which is traumatic for me to listen to. Bringing it home she not anyone close to her has influenced her for healing counselling. I'm at the other side of the excruciating pain and at a loss what as a mother I can do. She hid from me throughout her 20s 😔 despite me making efforts to connect. With bizarre intermittent contact to say she loved me but nothing made sense and arrangements to meet up never came to fruition. I can scarcely believe I'm still alive today at the pain every minute of the hours of the months and years without her smile her laughter love and kindness. Where do I go from here to bring about a healing for her. She is now about to be 37. No children Yet she works freelance.. I'm certain she relapses often & despite growing up with stable weight being very outdoors active. An eating disorder is evident. I'm not missed nor confided in it's as if I don't exist anymore.. Me the object of Constancy of Constancy is all but forgotten. They were both well brought up with a lovely respect for their mum that's all gone as they have. There's too much to tell.
My lifeline and miracle was leaning entirely upon God. What human could ever sort such complexity. She is a clever girl yet seems unaware she has lost herself. Now in 2026 I must have failed her to restore her senses to herself. It's beyond heartbreaking what I've witnessed heard and seen.. Like a never ending Horror movie is my only life. Metaphorically standing at a bus stop waiting waiting waiting for them to come home.......
What is this? Spiritual Warfare. I'm ready to fight.
If anyone is suffering the same The Power of Prayer is as real as electricity and God somehow gives me strength and Hope. Please pray for this ongoing daily situation unabated in 16 years.

What must I do?

@oneloneangel I am so very sorry reading your post...your life circumstances with both your adult children. I wish I had answers for you. Please reach out for all the support you can get to help yourself! It won't help no one if you become sicker and sicker over such an family crisis. There are lots of support groups available for you and lots of book on the market (amazon has a ton) to help guide you. I am getting (from your post) that you are referring to mental illnesses in both your children? Or is it substance abuse? Unfortunately I am not getting a handle on my own adult son as to exactly what is going on with him. He lives far away, contact limited. He has reported a severe depression but I also know there "might" be substance drug mis-use or abuse involved. Again, I am simply not sure and because of HIPPA laws I can not speak to his therapist or psychiatrist without his permission - which he refuses to give me. Keep holding on to your faith! Yes, the Power of Prayer is powerful!
And, remember, SELF CARE, is so very important for you!
Blessings.

My son is schizophrenic and living on the streets. He refuses to believe he has a problem. When I mention medication he calls me a pharmacist nazi. There is a group called NAMI that has support groups.I am heartbroken, cry every day and having a tough time dealing with this. I love him so much.

@oneloneangel I live through the same nightmare with our son, replaying over and over the last 10 years. Mental illness is so cruel, it is hard to watch and managing it is a constant challenge. I try and find a little peace and happiness here and there, but the reality of suffering for our son and our little family is always there. Blessings

@kathrynq1037 Sending prayers your way. Praying for all of those suffering from mental illness and for their families who suffer along with them. It is hard

I am going through this with my 40 year old son. He doesn't believe I'm his mom but an imposter. Owns 3 homes and his truck and many expensive tools. He went to the Philippines 3 months ago. Just walked away from everything. Insists it was all taken from him. I'm living in the one house and have his dog and his truck is here. I'm going to pay the property taxes for this home but can't afford to pay taxes on all 3. I don't know how much money he has but can't be much. I can't ask him questions, he doesn't trust me or anyone. I text or call weekly and so far he responds even though nothing he says makes sense. Before leaving the country his brother tried having him committed, he called the police but they didn't feel he was a threat. I feel all I can do is pray, there's no help. I definitely feel your 😢 😭

Our 34yo daughter bi-polar. If she takes her meds she almost normal and can talk with her rationally. If she forgets, a Harpy and bitch. She is very sick outpatient and we paying big bills for her tho has no concept of appreciation. Yet a very good nurse at fine hospital. Jekyll and Hyde. In 2025 we spent out of savings
$352,000+ on her health to try to keep her alive. With zero tax break since she not dependent and we are gifting her the $$. Not cooperative fully in following doctors order. Stroke or MI could take her out any day. We’ve figured out how much $ we have left to spend on her and still have roof over our heads. Unless illness takes her. Time not far off when will have to stop paying her life-maintain expensive drugs and we will have to watch her die. Hideous possibility. Therapist advised us don’t go bankrupt and have virtually nothing for your own life needs. She is back to work now and has ins which is somewhat helpful. We adopted her at birth. A real crap shoot. We don’t have the constitutions to just throw her out which is legal. Earlier on life was good. Then in JHS her lurking disorder came into view. Lying, hostile thieving no-respect episodes finally finding right drug cocktail to control her mood disorder - but only most of the time. Now our whole extended family broken. you may not get this. I have name for my “autobiography”: either “ROSARY OF REGRETS”. or “ANOTHER DAY’S USELESS ENERGY SPENT”. 🎱⛓️💣⚰️💉☣️❌♠️🏴📝🎀💊🔪🕯️🌪️💩