Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

My 30yr old son experienced prodromal/1st episode psychosis around 4yrs ago. It runs in my family but sadly UK MH services didn’t listen when he approached for help & he was untreated for around 18months.
Similar to you I am now navigating our new dynamic which is full of suspicion, accusation and him isolating but also not functioning that well, meaning I often need to compromise healthy boundaries and endure his horrible treatment of me to ensure he eats & has his basic needs met.
We used to be so close and he was so loving. He was the funniest person to be around and had so many friends, ran his own business.
I totally understand what you are going through. The sadness is overwhelming sometimes right?

My 30yr old son experienced prodromal/1st episode psychosis around 4yrs ago. It runs in my family but sadly UK MH services didn’t listen when he approached for help & he was untreated for around 18months.
Similar to you I am now navigating our new dynamic which is full of suspicion, accusation and him isolating but also not functioning that well, meaning I often need to compromise healthy boundaries and endure his horrible treatment of me to ensure he eats & has his basic needs met.
We used to be so close and he was so loving. He was the funniest person to be around and had so many friends, ran his own business.
I totally understand what you are going through. The sadness is overwhelming sometimes right?

I found out recently that 80% of teenage boys that use Marijuana regularly are highly likely to become schizophrenic later in life.

I wish that was taught in school health classes.

They say marijuana is a gateway drug, but don’t explain that one of the gates that open up is devistating mental health issues later in life.

I have spoken to doctors and police and they all reacted like it is common knowledge!!!

Just not common to the public!!

I believe this is the cause of my son’s issues. He is 36 and is living in a tent downtown in Calgary with temperatures dropping to -20 c. Or lower on the next few months.

I check on him 2-3 times a week and each time after a cold night I feel like I am going to find him frozen to death.

I don’t know what to do. We are both 60 years old, newly retired and are about to set off to Asia in January for 8 weeks. We’ve been planning this trip for 2 years. With our son still in the hospital 2 hours away, now going on 2 months, I don’t know if we can leave. They are having trouble finding a medication that can control his mania. Seems like every couple years he has a relapse and his meds stop working. I don’t know what to do. This is a horrible way to live for him and us.

Sadly, it's been over 3 1/2 years and there has been no improvement in my son.
But I haven't even taken the first step yet...I had plans this month to visit him but he had lots of reasons not to fly out to him.
He is "expected" here for Christmas. I must take that agonizing first step in addressing not "confronting" this situation head on. I believe I have been afraid of losing him, so I held back fully knowing his abuse goes on.
My husband (not his Dad) always wanted us to have a nice Christmas and not to rock the boat with him. At those times, I agreed with him. However, Christmas was always ruined anyway...so I must expect the same for 2025.
I even believe I have been in denial. He lives so far away from me, it's been easy to do that. Our phone contacts are now limited - only thanks to him, not me. He is calling the shots. He will deny, deny, deny and very well might leave immediately and head back home. Once this can of worms is open there is no going back. It will always be there between the 2 of us. From his childhood, he was always so close to me. Since is...but it's much different now. His Dad lives in the south and simply thinks he has a "mental illness" (which he does have too) but I haven't told him about his prescription drug abuse yet. Why? He is basically no help at all. Never really was with him, it was always all me from the get-go. He wants nothing to upset "his" apple-cart.
I am very afraid of this. But I can no longer keep my head in the sand. Once we have this conversation I will tell his father. I will approach my son in a supportive, kind and loving manner...offering to help him in anyway possible. Of course, he will refused because he "doesn't have a problem?"...that is what I am expecting.
Any thoughts from other Moms would be appreciated in how to approach this heart-breaking situation.
I feel it's a lose-lose situation. BUT I will feel better in my mind when I bring it out in the open. After all, this abuse can kill him. Thank you.

@briarrose I truly believe confronting him is not the way to go. You won’t get any answers, he will probably leave and cut you off ( until he needs something)

It is really REALLY hard not knowing, but if you want to keep him in your life, you just have to keep letting him know you love him and he is safe and not judged.

I work on this everyday and now trying to make my husband understand as well. He keeps saying that I need to confront him, and that it is him— not the disease.

I found out recently that 80% of teenage boys that use Marijuana regularly are highly likely to become schizophrenic later in life.

I wish that was taught in school health classes.

They say marijuana is a gateway drug, but don’t explain that one of the gates that open up is devistating mental health issues later in life.

I have spoken to doctors and police and they all reacted like it is common knowledge!!!

Just not common to the public!!

I believe this is the cause of my son’s issues. He is 36 and is living in a tent downtown in Calgary with temperatures dropping to -20 c. Or lower on the next few months.

I check on him 2-3 times a week and each time after a cold night I feel like I am going to find him frozen to death.

@riverbendab
I understand what you are saying. It is the disease completely taking over. The addiction is now in control of his life, not him.
Of course, I want my only child to be in my life forever. I can "address" not confront him in a loving, safe and non-judgement way. My purpose would be to plant a seed. I have no idea if it will take. Only he can help his addiction - not me. But I want him to know - I am here to help him overcome his addiction. I will always be in his corner.
If I say nothing, continue to walk on eggshells when he visits...making myself sick with the stress of all that - what if, God forbid, he accidentally or purposely overdoses and dies?
Can I live with myself...knowing I KNEW of his addiction and said nothing to him? Never offering my understanding, help, support and unconditional love?
He is not living with me, he is not asking me for money, he is not a threat to me or to others (only himself)...yes, he does hurt me by not showing up for me. But, again, that's the drugs.
I would regret forever and be barely alive if I never reached out to discuss this issue with him and he died. And he surely could die from all that he is doing and taking, he's killing himself.