Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@wctdoc1943
So much of what you wrote at the beginning is my story, except my husband does not admit that he has anything wrong. Even though multiple doctors have spoken plainly about his condition- he will not talk to me or anyone about it.

Today I am having one of those days and I just want to be alone. He asked me why I did not smile anymore and I did not have the heart to tell him. He is driving me to distraction, he blames me for not listening to him, and then watches TV most of the day.

I understand why - his brain does not work right and he also has osteoporosis and bad balance. He could give up - but he has not. I admire him for that, but at the same time I am so tired of biting my tongue, sweating in my house because he is always cold, handling all the money, folding laundry and putting it away, and doing all the driving. Oh- and working full time.
I pray every night that he will find a good friend that can just be a friend.
I am a homebody and he wants to leave the house every chance he gets.
I am just so darn tired…

So everyone- hang in there!,

@tryingtimes10 I wanted to thank you for this post, which is from over a year ago now. I hope things are easing somewhat for you. Your words spoke to me, as do so many in this group. I feel very thankful that I found this wonderful place to read, learn, vent and just “be” where others understand. My husband also has lost short term memory, and used to be able to fix most anything around the house. Now I either google it and attempt it myself, or call for help. We’ve been married 52 years. The pandemic, the loss of both my younger sisters and my son (brain cancer) has totally changed me. I strive for patience, and most days do pretty well at it. But I’ve lost my best friend, the very person I would have discussed concerns, financial decisions, etc - my husband. I read a lot about MCI and where we may be headed…he currently has no friends, no hobbies, and doesn’t like being alone. I, on the other hand, have always needed a little “me time”. Please know others here care about you and hope you’re feeling a bit better than when you first wrote, New Year’s Eve, in 2024.

@minniem I read your note too and it touched me. As I feel how you are feeling. To go from roles each one of us had together, to now be the caregiver, that has to do the bills, figure out the solution to every problem now, and for me, being forced to think through where we're moving, because we were displaced in a house filled with mold and now in a rental, it's just been too much. I had dreams to move to larger house, (although up there in years) and now with what's happening, I'm forced to have to rethink, where we go, and his needs as we progress through this. In some way, work may be somewhat of a Godsend for you, just to have a break, but then once back all those responsibilities of caregiving, and being the only one handling everything, is still there and still very tiring. I'm tired mentally and I too, like many parents with adult kids, find that they are just too busy (and out of state) to deal with what's happening to their parents. Yes, you hang in there too. And thank you for sharing how many of us feel......

@tryingtimes10: Thank you for recognizing our role in having a life partner with MCI! I know I can speak to y’all of my frustration EVERY minute of EVERY day… I want to hide in the closet for some mental-health time and let the quietness heal my unhappiness with this life!
Every morning I try harder to increase my patience & understanding. 🙁

@becsbuddy I am 85, married for 65 yrs to Chuck, 85.
Chuck has early stage of dementia.
We get along pretty good but I am getting tired.
With that comes impatience, anger,
And so many other emotions. I feel so guilty when I loose my temper and raise my voice which makes him feel bad. Sometimes he is arguementitive.
The mind works in mysterious ways on a normal day but with dementia, the one with dementia drives the caregiver crazy which is a different kind of mind dysfunction. That’s where I am right now. I cry too much, I need my alone time. Sometimes I don’t want to have to move—-not a muscle. On the other hand, I know there are so many in a worse situation than I. I also feel guilty for not being a stronger wife and partner. I think Chuck would do a better job if it were the other way around. I need some suggestions.
I am so tired.

@islanders1952 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m glad that you felt comfortable enough to express your feelings and to say how it really is and to know that you can get support here. The members here are very welcoming and try to help each other. So, again, welcome.

@dida84 i understand your concern. Being a caregiver is stressfull and there are times when we do not feel qualified for this task. Even if it is your husband. We are human and have emotions and ferlings that go along with caregiving. Unfortunatly, we even have feelings of resentment, if we are honest. It isnt their fault and not your fault. It is life and we do the best we can. It is a job that can be draining, confusing, and wear on your entire being.

I am in the same position although my husband's diagnosis was much more recent in 2025. I find I don't have time to be resentful. I think I'm more frightened (or frozen) with the potential outcome so I'm more at wits end trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I realize now the decisions are on my shoulders, that's frightening, I realize that the adult kids can't help even if they wanted to; they have their own jobs and life in other states. I find I need to enjoy what I can of my partner now, so I can cherish the moments when he's not confused or forgetful. I find him getting on the PC frightens is a major worry since we were hacked into last year, what a horrible mess that was, changing every account and password. But I just can't watch him every breathing minute as he's still independent although forgetful and sometimes confused. I just find myself in so much uncharted water that it's hard on any given day to stay afloat. I pray a lot; I'm doing everything in my power to be more mindful, show more kindness and to be grateful to still have him near me. I'm up at 4 this morning, stressing about it all. But to every caregiver on this network, I know how you feel. We are not alone.

My husband just had partial knee replacement surgery. The first week is rocky because of the pain and lack of real mobility. Add MCI on top of that and I am at my wits end. He had the other knee done about four years ago and that was easier because he was stronger physically and less confused about everything. Plus my daughter went to the Caribbean. She didn’t realize the date of the surgery when she booked it. I’m hoping things improve in the next few days…

@dida84
No useful suggestions, just keep working on that alone time. I rarely get time alone, so it's precious to me. I did find a respite daycare facility in town I've used once and will use again.
My husband's diagnosis was MCI in 2024, now it has progressed to frontotemporal dementia.
Some days I am Gung ho and others, I just want to be left alone with my easy chair and the TV remote.
So, I feel for you and sending virtual hugs.
All the best. 🫂