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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 hour ago | Replies (571)Comment receiving replies
@wctdoc1943
So much of what you wrote at the beginning is my story, except my husband does not admit that he has anything wrong. Even though multiple doctors have spoken plainly about his condition- he will not talk to me or anyone about it.
Today I am having one of those days and I just want to be alone. He asked me why I did not smile anymore and I did not have the heart to tell him. He is driving me to distraction, he blames me for not listening to him, and then watches TV most of the day.
I understand why - his brain does not work right and he also has osteoporosis and bad balance. He could give up - but he has not. I admire him for that, but at the same time I am so tired of biting my tongue, sweating in my house because he is always cold, handling all the money, folding laundry and putting it away, and doing all the driving. Oh- and working full time.
I pray every night that he will find a good friend that can just be a friend.
I am a homebody and he wants to leave the house every chance he gets.
I am just so darn tired…
So everyone- hang in there!,
Replies to "@wctdoc1943 So much of what you wrote at the beginning is my story, except my husband..."
@minniem I have been dealing with this for some time. Around Christmas, I unknowingly accepted my husbands dementia. I thought it was another stage of his dementia but it was me. I became more loving, laughed more, smiled more, and once again started enjoying what we have. Our 56th anniversary was just before Christmas and I have prayed to God that thing would get more tolerable. I was so stressed and trying to carry on as we had for so long. I had to change and it just happened. We are hugging and loving one another again. I don't know what I am facing each morning when I wake, but I know I can deal with it if I smile, love him, and find some things to laugh about. I didn't realize that I was grieving, I was angry, and I was not accepting what was happening to my husband. I now know "it is what it is" and I am enjoying every day no matter what it brings. I cannot tell anyone how to get to this point as we are all different and grieving is real-each person will grieve longer and harder. Trying to recognize what is causing all of your stress. I have given up on keeping the house organized as he just is not organized anymore. I have given up on cleaning all the time as he needs my time if just to sit with him. I have given up asking him what he wants for dinner as he does not know so I just fix it and he eats it. A side note. I am 77 and still cooking. I have always cooked and we seldom eat out. I have been somewhat of a gourmet cook. I have found that he now prefers food that teenagers like. I make him pizza, hamburgers, burritos, etc. and he loves it. I hope this is helpful to someone.
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@minniem I read your note too and it touched me. As I feel how you are feeling. To go from roles each one of us had together, to now be the caregiver, that has to do the bills, figure out the solution to every problem now, and for me, being forced to think through where we're moving, because we were displaced in a house filled with mold and now in a rental, it's just been too much. I had dreams to move to larger house, (although up there in years) and now with what's happening, I'm forced to have to rethink, where we go, and his needs as we progress through this. In some way, work may be somewhat of a Godsend for you, just to have a break, but then once back all those responsibilities of caregiving, and being the only one handling everything, is still there and still very tiring. I'm tired mentally and I too, like many parents with adult kids, find that they are just too busy (and out of state) to deal with what's happening to their parents. Yes, you hang in there too. And thank you for sharing how many of us feel......