Blaming and anger: How do you deal with it?

@grandmajoan sometimes you have to tell little white lies so that the pacient agrees with you. Ist all part of your journey to keep both happy. They don't know the difference and you both are happy. If she/he uses the wrong words but you know what they mean its OK to agree with what they say or call something.

@edj1950 Yes you have to guess sometimes what the words they use are correct. She might say she going to put the clothes in the Bag, washer, microwave, or a number of other things.

@lueverson I am going through the same things. My husband is a but more advanced. He walks around the house accusing "people" of stealing his glasses, ginger ale, keys, whatever. Insists that our sons are here at night and go through his finanaces. They are all over 30, married and living in their own homes.

He got very upset at me for authorizing new tires on his car. He no longer drives but I drive it often and it had been 8 years since tires. He insists we live in a differnt house and seems confused in ours at night (sundowning). Always asks when we are going home. I am working with a therapist. She has been great. She says I can pick and chose what I want to engage in. I can leave him for an hour or two daily and I do, just to get out. All the craziness is waiting for me when I return home but I need that break. He masks it well with the boys but I know that is a tactic they use while they are able. I want you to know you are not alone. I will often say "I am not going to do this with you" and walk away. He will forget after a bit or even apologize. He is in total denial about his condition, however. Hang in there. Don't be afraid to walk away or ignore when you can.

@grandmajoan

@brunnece7 I don’t think we can outsmart memory loss. But I do think we can share tips how to live with someone who has it.

@brunnece7 I know. I think part of the idea is to be selective in what is communicated, and how you react to conversations to make life a little easier.

@grandmajoan
Hi, since i fail at outsmarting Dementia each day it seems silly to reply. But i have found a couple work arounds.
I need signs on all the doors to remind him to be quick going in and out. So i told him that I am forgetting about our new kitty and he escaped outside a couple times. He has accepted it but doesn’t like the signs.
The other one is just listening or agreeing to things he thinks he remembers, or has experienced, or has seen before. It could be locations, tv shows that are new, or experiences that could not have happened. I don’t know if he’s “filling in the gaps” or delusional. Either way it doesn’t hurt anyone to pretend he’s correct.
Hope this gives you ideas about your situation.
Hugs

You are very thoughtful to reply. I try to do the same thing. It doesn’t help to correct the facts he remembers unless it’s going to cause a problem for him.

Hi my name is Margaret and I'm trapped in an abusive house and trying to get help to get a safe long-term house to make into a home and hopefully not have to move/relocate for a long time. I live in Maryland and I know exactly how much it hurts and causes anger and I want you to know that if you Google "caregiver support financial assistance" the state and other groups will pay you for taking care of Ms. Jeckell and for what it's worth trying going to a "rage room" especially if it is titled or mentions catharsis in the description and you can pick out your own music list for your time to help get out more stress as you smash the crap out of things. Personally it should be a mental health deduction for taxes as it's better than medical assistance and a true and in my eyes valid use for anger management. I have done it twice and a huge weight was gone from my chest and I could breathe with out my inhaler and I was my old self and so happy until the crypt keeper came in and the stress came back but nonetheless not as bad. Worth trying! Hang in there. I'm cheering for you.

@tomsgirl This sounds very serious. Are you getting the help you need? Are you in a safe situation? Are you providing care for someone? We would definitely want to help you, if at all possible. We’re constrained, though, by not being where you are and having only our voices and prayers to offer.