1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there's nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It's "We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don't bother me - but we love you!" I'm old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can't ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

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anniep | @anniep | Mar 12, 2017

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor's office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don't mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the "go to" person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can "cook and deliver" (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the "ill" caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I'm not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I'm tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; "But you look fine!.") I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don't already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn't see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can't ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

REPLY
2 replies
deev | @deev | Mar 12, 2017
In reply to @anniep "Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor's office or..." + (show)
@anniep

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor's office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don't mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the "go to" person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can "cook and deliver" (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the "ill" caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I'm not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I'm tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; "But you look fine!.") I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don't already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn't see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can't ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

Jump to this post

Oh my gosh! You are definitely being taken advantage of! Try organizing a group to share helping with others needs. If no one is willing to help you, let some who ask know you are already maxed that day and will be unable to help this time. You should not feel guilty, and perhaps someone unexpected will come forward to give you some relief. If I had showed up and the "sick" person was shopping, I probably would have said I must have misunderstood and I will take the food to someone else (your family). If you continue to let others take advantage of you, they will never stop. PLEASE take care of yourself. Keep sharing on this site and you will find that many will have ideas and suggestions for you. Work on finding the strength to stand up for yourself. I'm working on this very thing myself.

REPLY
sharlynn62 | @sharlynn62 | Mar 12, 2017

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children...I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey....Sharon<br>

REPLY
8 replies
deev | @deev | Mar 12, 2017
In reply to @tamara1967 "@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married? I have been..." + (show)
@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I'll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know....i haven't heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

Wish I could take you up on that offer. You're the greatest! God bless you!

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 13, 2017

@sharlynn62 Hi Sharon: I like your phrase, "On the recovery journey." It is a journey isn't it? Sometimes the journey seems like a long one, therefore it's important to have good people to share the journey with. Best wishes to you! Teresa

REPLY
1 reply
anniep | @anniep | Mar 13, 2017
In reply to @anniep "Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor's office or..." + (show)
@anniep

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor's office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don't mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the "go to" person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can "cook and deliver" (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the "ill" caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I'm not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I'm tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; "But you look fine!.") I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don't already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn't see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can't ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

Jump to this post

Thank you, deev. I have backed off in the last several months.

REPLY
anniep | @anniep | Mar 13, 2017
In reply to @sharlynn62 "anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know..." + (show)
@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children...I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey....Sharon<br>

Jump to this post

Thank you, Sharlynn62. No, no children; step-children who made my life hell for a long time.I suspect one of the reasons my husband chose me was for me to "finish rearing his children". Bull. Should have been honest with me.

REPLY
Mentor
Terri Martin, Volunteer Mentor | @windwalker | Mar 13, 2017
In reply to @tamara1967 "@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married? I have been..." + (show)
@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I'll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know....i haven't heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

<br><br><br><br><br>How are you doing today?<br> <br><br>

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Terri Martin, Volunteer Mentor | @windwalker | Mar 13, 2017
In reply to @sharlynn62 "anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know..." + (show)
@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children...I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey....Sharon<br>

Jump to this post

<br><br><br><br><br>Have either you or Sharlynn ever heard of NAMI? It is a non-profit <br>organization that educates the public and lobbies for laws concerning mental <br>health. They also have support groups. Just about every town has a NAMI office. <br>I took classes through them to better understand my bi-polar daughter. I found <br>this organization extremely helpful.<br> <br><br>

REPLY
kathyannyarborough | @kathyannyarborough | Mar 14, 2017
In reply to @tamara1967 "@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married? I have been..." + (show)
@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I'll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know....i haven't heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

Thank you & you are right. That was 26 years,ago & we are still friends today. I'm very blessed.It's a,win-win about your friend and the soup she makes. I'm always tempted, also, to make a lot of soup. It's so fun to make, smells so good cooking, and just as easy to make more as less. So I also am glad to find friends who will eat it all up! Hate to waist. My grown kids invite their friends over and they help finish it off sometimes. Point is, we soup makers appreciate you as much as you do us!Consider her paid back already.(Yet if you still want to be generous to others, just to do it not because you OWE it, I won't stop you.Lol.

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