Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

My husband started refusing to shower, which was unusual for him.
I asked a caregiver if she had any ideas. She suggested not calling it a shower or bath but "let's get cleaned up or freshen up."
I think the idea of what I'm asking him to do is overwhelming, so I get in with him to gently prompt him on what to do.
She also suggested no-rinse shampoo and body wash, which I ordered on Amazon.
I put them on a warm washcloth; it helps freshen him up when he won't get in the shower.
There are also no-rinse caps that you put on their heads/hair and massage for a minute or so. These caps clean their hair and scalp without rinsing.
Timing is always important, choosing a time that both of you are up for it.

So comforting to know how common this is and that it’s not the end of the world.

Thanks Trish,
I’ll Check out the No Rinse options. Fingers crossed!

My husband looks like a homeless person. He wears the same clothes most days, ragged jeans and shoes that are coming apart. Sometimes I can get him to wear something decent if we're going out to dinner or something. He also won't cut his hair or beard. He looks like a wild man. All of this has really been getting to me, but these comments help me see that I should just let it go. As long as he doesn't smell bad, what difference does it make? I expect that in the next few years we're going to see lots of disheveled, elderly people shuffling around our neighborhoods and stores. Neighbors should perhaps be told the situation so they don't freak out or misunderstand what's going on. With so many baby boomers, there will come a day when most people will have some experience with dotty elders.

I've heard of a couple of people who have had success calling the Alzheimer's Association Helpline at 1 - 800 - 272 -3900. Available 24/7. They were talked through what to do to get their loved ones to shower and it worked.
My husband was resistant to showering for a while, a few years ago. I started using the no rinse shampoo I had from a hospital visit for a while. After a year or so of use, it did funny things to his scalp and hair, and didn't seem effective anymore.
When my husband broke his hip, I had the tub taken out, a shower bed installed and lots of grab bars, in addition to a chair. It's a little hard to get him into the shower, but telling him he's going to get a skin infection and bribery both work. I promise him a snack afterwards. When we're in the shower he loves it and is surprised when I tell him he gave me a hard time about taking it.
He did tell me once that he forgot what to do in the shower so I give him instructions now.
I attended a caregivers' seminar here and the presenter said sponge baths are fine. It may not be possible to clean armpits and privates all in one day. Whatever you can get done, consider a victory!
My mother-in-law was nearly 100 when she died. She developed an aversion to showers. She said they felt like sandpaper on her skin.

Yes it is hard to get them to clean up. I would have to keep talking to my wife, she has vascular dementia, and agree with her and just keep talking as I am moving her to shower taking off clothes etc. I would tell her I will be quick and be in the shower with her the whole time etc. It would work but it was mentally exhausting. Now I have a sitter for her and she givers her a shower.It is only once a week. I do feel bad it is only once a week but better than nothing. get room warm a small room heater is good for this. get everything ready before hand ie clothes towel washcloth.etc. And sometimes it won't work and just have to try the next day or later on that day. Hope this helps you.It is tough having to do and remember everything.I wish you luck

OMG I can't believe others are going through this. When I told my sister that he won't shower, she was shocked. I thought he was the only one. My husband has changed so much I feel like I only know him part of the time, other times he's almost a stranger. And he doesn't have severe memory loss, I would say a medium-well memory loss. He's finally given up accusing me of having a boyfriend if I go shopping or meet a girl friend for lunch, so that's good. But I've told him I won't go out with him in public looking like he does. So every 10 days or so he'll get in the shower. I've decided to live my life and get the help and support I need. He sleeps and watches TV. That's it. We are early 70's. I get groceries delivered, found a gal to come in and do the vacuuming and floors every other week and a great handyman who is a gem and he helps me keep the house maintained. He'll wake up from a nap and call me on the phone to see where I am when I'm just in the living room. I'm going to visit my sister on the coast in late Summer and figure he'll never travel again so I'll go on my own. I'll have to have someone come check on him while I'm gone, but I'm going. Frankly I can hardly wait. Surely not what I expected in my marriage. His memory issues were caused by alcoholism so that makes it a bitter pill to swallow for me. But I'm still here and sometimes he's still here. I listen to music and play with the dog and clean house and watch a movie and talk to my sisters and make him food and take care of him. Wanna come visit and have a glass of wine? 🙂 Take care and much good energy being sent your way.

Yeah, a glass of wine is definitely in order. I'm right there with you. Hubs still bathes--about once every week or so--but he's anxious when I'm not at home. It's hard because he's basically a decent person and he tries, but he's also very trying. I'm planning escapes too. Don't know how or when but it's certainly something I'm considering, especially when things get worse than they are today. Hang in there. There are lots of us who are still here and coping.

It seems to be a pattern. I try my best. I am washing him as he won't let go of the bars. He is petrified of falling and aversion to water. From what I understand this happens alot. They cannot smell with Parkinsons. I truly wish I could convince him to use his shower chair. Our shower is 12 ft. high. He says I am yelling. No it echoes. Same conversation ..just a different day.

@linaxyl Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! You have certainly found a great place for getting help. Check out the rest of the discussions—you may find lots of helpful tips!