1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

Posted by cheryl16 @cheryl16, Dec 23, 2024

My husband who has mid stage Alzheimer’s just refuses to shower or bathe. He used to shower every morning but since his disease progressed, he refuses to get wet. He won’t even get near the shower and gets aggressive if pushed too hard. I thought I’d try getting into the shower with him but that didn’t work. I can’t get him to use a wash cloth either. I bought dry shampoo and he resists that but I’m going to try again. I think his psychiatrist will tell me to increase his meds but he’s already on 450 mgs of Seroquel to control aggressive behavior and he sleeps a lot during the day. I’m not ready for him to turn into a potted plant!

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pamela78 | @pamela78 | May 19 1:45pm
In reply to @parisjolie "Hi Pamela, The “planning escapes” seems to be a common denominator among women caring for husbands...." + (show)
@parisjolie

Hi Pamela,
The “planning escapes” seems to be a common denominator among women caring for husbands. I went to a group meeting and the question of being bitter came up. My response was, yes I’m bitter but I feel like a spoiled brat because we can’t travel anymore. The other 4 women ALL said the same. We love our husbands, and we know and accept that this is our life, but the dream of being able to just get away to do something as simple as going snorkeling or hiking or visiting grandchildren makes me both sad and frustrated. Re the wine: I find that I have more wine when he is with me in the kitchen preparing dinner and the rest of the evening together bc that’s when he gets the most repetitive and forgetful. I’m really struggling with the wine every night. If I could just remember alcohol actually makes me MORE anxious and get on the wagon, I’m sure that would help. Heavy sigh.

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I'm so with you on every count. I was drinking rather more than I should but I discovered alcohol-free wine and it's good! You can drink as much as you want without guilt or a hangover. I've become a real convert. I do allow myself a real glass of wine occasionally but my daily tipple is the alcohol-free. The brand I like is Fre, with an accent over the e. I hope you can figure out a way to take a trip or something. We've got to take care of ourselves or we'll be useless. I've asked my husband to sleep upstairs so I can get a good night's sleep. He's not happy but I have to get my sleep. Repetitiveness and forgetfulness--yup!

REPLY
sillyblone | @sillyblone | May 19 6:21pm
In reply to @parisjolie "Hi Pamela, The “planning escapes” seems to be a common denominator among women caring for husbands...." + (show)
@parisjolie

Hi Pamela,
The “planning escapes” seems to be a common denominator among women caring for husbands. I went to a group meeting and the question of being bitter came up. My response was, yes I’m bitter but I feel like a spoiled brat because we can’t travel anymore. The other 4 women ALL said the same. We love our husbands, and we know and accept that this is our life, but the dream of being able to just get away to do something as simple as going snorkeling or hiking or visiting grandchildren makes me both sad and frustrated. Re the wine: I find that I have more wine when he is with me in the kitchen preparing dinner and the rest of the evening together bc that’s when he gets the most repetitive and forgetful. I’m really struggling with the wine every night. If I could just remember alcohol actually makes me MORE anxious and get on the wagon, I’m sure that would help. Heavy sigh.

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Don't feel badly. I know all of us have felt like you are feeling. Tired of all the constant barage of the care we have to do! I think wow I would love to go on a trip. Oh yeah, I forgot we have to bring the whole house with us. Sometimes, I feel like the Circle of Life is going back to childhood. When we do go on a trip it usually ends well..But not always Hugs

REPLY
1 reply
crewsr | @crewsr | May 19 7:29pm

My husband has had some dementia for over 10 years and an issue with showering also. Before he retired he showed every morning before work. He has very oily skin for an 80 year old and needs to shower more often but since we have separate bedrooms I don't have to smell him all the time (He has a Ham radio hobby in his room with numerous wires and radios). I researched this issue and found that It's OK for elderly people to bathe or shower only once a week, especially if they have fragile skin. My man washes his hair in the sink between showers though so that helps a lot.

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crankyyankee | @crankyyankee | May 20 10:49am

My husband hasn't showered in over a year and at almost 94 he's still here.. Typically I use a warm washcloth with no rinse cleanser on him while he's still in bed and talk non-stop. Or he'll stand at the sink (he can only walk with a rollator) and and I wash him there talking non-stop so he doesn't focus on the washing up. This was suggested to me by an aide who came in a couple of times a week after a hospitalization.

REPLY
crewsr | @crewsr | May 21 6:41pm
In reply to @sillyblone "Don't feel badly. I know all of us have felt like you are feeling. Tired of..." + (show)
@sillyblone

Don't feel badly. I know all of us have felt like you are feeling. Tired of all the constant barage of the care we have to do! I think wow I would love to go on a trip. Oh yeah, I forgot we have to bring the whole house with us. Sometimes, I feel like the Circle of Life is going back to childhood. When we do go on a trip it usually ends well..But not always Hugs

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Yes! He has to take a barrage of "stuff" every time we travel. Our big Ford Super-cab pickup gets loaded to the hilt with all his stuff. I swore off ever traveling with him again on our last big trip we made but we have adult children and grandchildren to see in other states so that promise to myself went by the wayside. His doctor said his heart is very healthy so I get to look forward to many more years of his mental decline ahead. Prayer helps.

REPLY
1 reply
sillyblone | @sillyblone | May 21 7:38pm
In reply to @crewsr "Yes! He has to take a barrage of "stuff" every time we travel. Our big Ford..." + (show)
@crewsr

Yes! He has to take a barrage of "stuff" every time we travel. Our big Ford Super-cab pickup gets loaded to the hilt with all his stuff. I swore off ever traveling with him again on our last big trip we made but we have adult children and grandchildren to see in other states so that promise to myself went by the wayside. His doctor said his heart is very healthy so I get to look forward to many more years of his mental decline ahead. Prayer helps.

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The worst is he does not speak for a 10 to 12 hrs.on the road He cannot drive anymore !! Thank God! One car and it is mine. I try to make conversation and I am speaking to myself.. Ask a question and he either ignores me or he just won't speak. It only gets worse with time. I feel for you. Sometimes I just say to myself..who cares!!! I need a vacation and some PEACE!!!

REPLY
1 reply
crewsr | @crewsr | May 21 9:45pm
In reply to @sillyblone "The worst is he does not speak for a 10 to 12 hrs.on the road He..." + (show)
@sillyblone

The worst is he does not speak for a 10 to 12 hrs.on the road He cannot drive anymore !! Thank God! One car and it is mine. I try to make conversation and I am speaking to myself.. Ask a question and he either ignores me or he just won't speak. It only gets worse with time. I feel for you. Sometimes I just say to myself..who cares!!! I need a vacation and some PEACE!!!

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Sometimes "silence is golden". Call family or friends when on the road and have a good visit with them or take a favorite music CD or a book on tape (CD). I love to travel alone; make the most of it. His train has already left the station.

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