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Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

Posted by cheryl16 @cheryl16, Dec 23, 2024

My husband who has mid stage Alzheimer’s just refuses to shower or bathe. He used to shower every morning but since his disease progressed, he refuses to get wet. He won’t even get near the shower and gets aggressive if pushed too hard. I thought I’d try getting into the shower with him but that didn’t work. I can’t get him to use a wash cloth either. I bought dry shampoo and he resists that but I’m going to try again. I think his psychiatrist will tell me to increase his meds but he’s already on 450 mgs of Seroquel to control aggressive behavior and he sleeps a lot during the day. I’m not ready for him to turn into a potted plant!

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ellesea01 | @ellesea01 | Sep 30, 2025
In reply to @sillyblone "@ellesea01 I tend to choose my battles. I have wipes, gloves if needed and when my..." + (show)
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@ellesea01
I tend to choose my battles. I have wipes, gloves if needed and when my spouse ask me to help him get cleaned up I talk to him and praise him..not always pleasant conversation. I will say he does smell great and I tell him so..he cannot smell anymore. Not always easily done. 😊

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That part about it not always being easy. It's why I also say Bravo to all of you. Had some care-taking experiences myself. Shared thankfully but the glitches that of course happen add more stress & strain and are always lurking. Very challenging.

I really hope each of you have the chance for a bit of pampering in support of your well-being. Massage Day, Mani/Pedi Day, Hair-Do Day whatever works for you Day. !!

Yikes, congrats and air hugs to you all for all the ways you're helping.

@sillyblone

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Traci | @tracidw | Oct 1, 2025
In reply to @kjogo "My husband and and I just moved in to help my 82 year old mom care..." + (show)
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My husband and and I just moved in to help my 82 year old mom care for my dad who has severe dementia. Dad is physically healthy and strong. However, he is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. He is often angry and talks to himself constantly—and it isn’t pleasant talk. Our biggest issue now is showering. Mom tries to help him, but he has gotten to the point where he absolutely refuses to get in the shower. Neither my husband nor I were able to get him to shower—either with firmness or reasoning. Mom is her wits end. He is physically fully capable of showering himself. Even if someone came in to help him shower, I think he would be just as stubborn, and then what? ANY advice would be so appreciated! Thank you!

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Since being cold seems to be one of the reasons, keep a robe handy. Also, instead of starting at the head, begin at the feet. No sitting with wet hair making the person colder. Can even keep part of body covered while washing another part.

Try out different phrases, instead of bath or shower, how about "let's freshen up."

At this point, my Mom is on palliative care and in a memory unit so I no longer bathe her. But, I'm always looking for ways to help her aides.

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