"WHY BOTHER?" What can we do when we are stuck?

Posted by Parus @parus, Sat, Feb 9 7:02am

This has been brought up before in things that help. Now maybe some can share how we get out of a rut to help ourselves. We all get stuck stuck at times. Curious as to what others do when stuck in that thought mode of "Why Bother?"

I think "why bother" a lot, when it comes to the crafting and sewing I have enjoyed through the years. Sometimes it is a great joy to create something. Other times it seems a chore. Sometimes it seems like why do I bother making things, I can only use so many quilts and bags and scrapbooks and aside from donating them, or cluttering up my own space even more, does anybody really need them? Do I really need all of these supplies that overwhelm me at times and bring an immense sense of guilt for not using them more often? It is something I struggle with.
So far as loss and grief go, I see the connection for myself between not wanting to make things because I don't have the family and friends that other people seem to have. So who will I give them to? Who do I pass down family heirlooms? I too have an estranged family member, a son, who I was very close to, but now he wants nothing to do with me. Wondering constantly what changed, what did I do to damage that relationship. I have asked and get no response. So I feel the pain of others who have encountered this.
I have no answers. I truly wish that I did. I suppose there is not much help in my post aside from saying I can relate, nobody here is alone.

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These days with so many on RX drugs to help depression & anxiety Millions are feeling very low. Suggestion : Why not give your hand made creations to seniors at a nursing- rehab home or even a home for young people ? Many there feel alone & neglected. I am 76 Our country has changed dramatically , not for the better . Yes there are millions of good people…. but sadly they are not in control . MY grandson is estranged too…Breaks my heart .

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sad but my grandson will NOT go for help Thinks he is fine I miss who he used to be Loving sweet, helpful , kind…

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@suscros68

I'm so sorry life is so hard. Grief and loss are so painful. I lost everything I cared about in a very short time in 2017. I lost hope. I had to rebuild my life. I attended a program called DBT. It's about building a life worth living. I highly recommend it. Life is better now, I still am dealing with feelings of loss, but In order to improve I have to grieve otherwise you'll never move forward.

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Thanks Happy you got help I've tried it all . But loss of my special grandson haunts me daily. I had planned for us to enjoy each other in my older days I am 76

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@dianrib Continue to be your loving self. Do not turn away from him. Do this for yourself, not him. He may, or may not, realize your love and concern for him. If he doesn't it is his loss. You can grieve what is not there at the moment, but relish the memories of what you have had in the past.
Ginger

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@sandij

I think "why bother" a lot, when it comes to the crafting and sewing I have enjoyed through the years. Sometimes it is a great joy to create something. Other times it seems a chore. Sometimes it seems like why do I bother making things, I can only use so many quilts and bags and scrapbooks and aside from donating them, or cluttering up my own space even more, does anybody really need them? Do I really need all of these supplies that overwhelm me at times and bring an immense sense of guilt for not using them more often? It is something I struggle with.
So far as loss and grief go, I see the connection for myself between not wanting to make things because I don't have the family and friends that other people seem to have. So who will I give them to? Who do I pass down family heirlooms? I too have an estranged family member, a son, who I was very close to, but now he wants nothing to do with me. Wondering constantly what changed, what did I do to damage that relationship. I have asked and get no response. So I feel the pain of others who have encountered this.
I have no answers. I truly wish that I did. I suppose there is not much help in my post aside from saying I can relate, nobody here is alone.

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@sandij Like you, I sew and crochet. After gifting my family member's, I now do my work for charity. Small quilts or blankets for the neonatal or pediatric units in local hospitals, Project Linus, adult sizes for veteran's facilities or senior living homes. Search around your area. You may find some ideas on http://www.carewear.org under the facilities seeking goods. It is part of the doing for others that we can do for ourselves.
Ginger

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Thank you for the resource, Ginger! I've donated quite a few quilts to project Linus, Heart Builders, silent auctions for charity fundraisers, and to our local fire department. I think the "why bother" attitude comes from not being able to share with family members more, on a more personal basis.

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@gingerw

@dianrib Continue to be your loving self. Do not turn away from him. Do this for yourself, not him. He may, or may not, realize your love and concern for him. If he doesn't it is his loss. You can grieve what is not there at the moment, but relish the memories of what you have had in the past.
Ginger

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ginger Good advice Thanks

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Well, depression and anxiety are a challenge. Add chronic pain to the mix and the batter just no longer wants to rise. Weather is warming and time to get out and plant some flowers. Not at all motivated. Won't be able to even think about my secret garden until mid-June as will be house/dog sitting while son and family go on vacation. Thinking I am not up to doing the job. I can't sleep well there because of fear. Sounds silly but my fear is real. I am not comfortable there far from help should I need it. I don't talk about how bad the pain is and my fears of being far from help. If I were to fall and get hurt because of those useless dogs no one would even know. Many family members with keys. Not a good thing for me. I don't want to ruin things for their vacation.

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@parus

Well, depression and anxiety are a challenge. Add chronic pain to the mix and the batter just no longer wants to rise. Weather is warming and time to get out and plant some flowers. Not at all motivated. Won't be able to even think about my secret garden until mid-June as will be house/dog sitting while son and family go on vacation. Thinking I am not up to doing the job. I can't sleep well there because of fear. Sounds silly but my fear is real. I am not comfortable there far from help should I need it. I don't talk about how bad the pain is and my fears of being far from help. If I were to fall and get hurt because of those useless dogs no one would even know. Many family members with keys. Not a good thing for me. I don't want to ruin things for their vacation.

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Your fear doesn't sound at all silly. Not sleeping well + already in pain + dogs that can't help if you fall — sounds like a recipe for disaster. Is there anyone else that can/would take on the house/dog sitting? It would be so much more nourishing for you to start on that secret garden, imo. 🙁 🙁 🙁

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@parus

Well, depression and anxiety are a challenge. Add chronic pain to the mix and the batter just no longer wants to rise. Weather is warming and time to get out and plant some flowers. Not at all motivated. Won't be able to even think about my secret garden until mid-June as will be house/dog sitting while son and family go on vacation. Thinking I am not up to doing the job. I can't sleep well there because of fear. Sounds silly but my fear is real. I am not comfortable there far from help should I need it. I don't talk about how bad the pain is and my fears of being far from help. If I were to fall and get hurt because of those useless dogs no one would even know. Many family members with keys. Not a good thing for me. I don't want to ruin things for their vacation.

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Hi @parus. Be honest with your family. It is too much for you. If you are overwhelmed now; more so closer to the day. Depression and anxiety issues is a real battle. Strange how we know once we get moving, we are better for it. But it is that first move; the struggle to get up and go- ongoing. It does not help when you have pain on top of it. Interesting mix of pain factors I have, if I do not move I pay for it dearly. And others, if I move, it hurts so. I do both. Maybe have a relative stay with at least while housitijngvwith the dogs- whatever, your despair , etc will make less effective And meds adjustment does change, more dosage at certain times of the year- less other times. Or wrong one as times goes on. Please be aware; you are important and needs to do the best by you. Take care

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@parus

Well, depression and anxiety are a challenge. Add chronic pain to the mix and the batter just no longer wants to rise. Weather is warming and time to get out and plant some flowers. Not at all motivated. Won't be able to even think about my secret garden until mid-June as will be house/dog sitting while son and family go on vacation. Thinking I am not up to doing the job. I can't sleep well there because of fear. Sounds silly but my fear is real. I am not comfortable there far from help should I need it. I don't talk about how bad the pain is and my fears of being far from help. If I were to fall and get hurt because of those useless dogs no one would even know. Many family members with keys. Not a good thing for me. I don't want to ruin things for their vacation.

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@parus Good to see you this morning! Can you get a medical alert thing that would summon help if you have a problem? Is there a friend or other family member that you would like to have stay with you, would that work? At some point in our lives we need to put our hand up and say, "no, this isn't going to work anymore". Maybe you've reached that point. While you don't want to jeopardize somebody else's vacation, you need to think of yourself first. I know that you will consider all the options available to you and make the right choice that fits for you. Please take care of yourself first and be gentle on yourself. Sending you hugs this morning,
Ginger

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It is important to consider your safety, as you aren't going to be in a good place without knowing that you are secure. I had a medical alert device, but it was funded by another source, and they are not inexpensive to have, either. If you are able to afford it, and if your insurance will help with that, you should probably consider it in any case. The wireless option is the way to go there. Sometimes we aren't able to do the things we hope to do, and you alone know if that means saying "no" to this offer now.

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@parus

Well, depression and anxiety are a challenge. Add chronic pain to the mix and the batter just no longer wants to rise. Weather is warming and time to get out and plant some flowers. Not at all motivated. Won't be able to even think about my secret garden until mid-June as will be house/dog sitting while son and family go on vacation. Thinking I am not up to doing the job. I can't sleep well there because of fear. Sounds silly but my fear is real. I am not comfortable there far from help should I need it. I don't talk about how bad the pain is and my fears of being far from help. If I were to fall and get hurt because of those useless dogs no one would even know. Many family members with keys. Not a good thing for me. I don't want to ruin things for their vacation.

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@parus If you feel this way Parus you should talk it over with your son You said other family members have house keys maybe they could check on the house and dogs .I wouldn't want anything to happen to you in the state your in with pain and anxiety If you don't say anything now it will be to late when they leave .I hope you think about the possibilities that could happen and make the right decision for yourself .

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@sandij

I think "why bother" a lot, when it comes to the crafting and sewing I have enjoyed through the years. Sometimes it is a great joy to create something. Other times it seems a chore. Sometimes it seems like why do I bother making things, I can only use so many quilts and bags and scrapbooks and aside from donating them, or cluttering up my own space even more, does anybody really need them? Do I really need all of these supplies that overwhelm me at times and bring an immense sense of guilt for not using them more often? It is something I struggle with.
So far as loss and grief go, I see the connection for myself between not wanting to make things because I don't have the family and friends that other people seem to have. So who will I give them to? Who do I pass down family heirlooms? I too have an estranged family member, a son, who I was very close to, but now he wants nothing to do with me. Wondering constantly what changed, what did I do to damage that relationship. I have asked and get no response. So I feel the pain of others who have encountered this.
I have no answers. I truly wish that I did. I suppose there is not much help in my post aside from saying I can relate, nobody here is alone.

Jump to this post

Hi this is a hard one. Create for you – or find other avenues for creativity. There are homeless needs for clothing stuff FYI. Also place that looks for free pretty things for folks to put in their homes.
As for your son, get answers somehow maybe someone who both trust to sit down with you. Unanswered queries gets one down- I do not know to this day why I was kicked out of Friwnds in the city – minor compared to you- no straight answer- being hearing impaired I have a bad sounding voice and I mentioned that a reason- no answer either way and I was not reached out by the organization. No disputes no issues otherwise bits bothersome. Wears you down- underdermining confidience.
It’s important to get answers-

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