What should I do in my situation?

Posted by 210030sa @210030sa, Jul 15 7:36pm

First thing is first, I couldn’t decide of a category for this so if this is moved I apologise. So I am currently 16 years old. Back when I was 9 a hurricane blew a tree in my house and was very close to hitting my mother. It was a scary night. After that I had PTSD and behavior issues. I couldn’t control myself. I was diagnosed with PDD as a young child and when I turned 16 my psychiatrist said that I had mild Asperger’s. After the hurricane I was put on lexipro for PTSD. This is where things went wrong. I started doing lots of things that I shouldn’t have like doing too much of something, such as eating, gaming, and I was always running around in my bike. After my PTSD had been treated I was at a horrible weight because after the hurricane I was always hungry (I think it was the medicine but I am not sure because I was 9-12[I don’t remember exactly]) after I started gaining weight the depression and behavior issues skyrocketed and I gained 50 pounds a year and it was only increasing. I started to do bad in school in 5th grade, which I’m guessing was lack of motivation (very serious). And in 5th grade the last friend I had moved away. I was then alone throughout middle school, and not having friends for years is very painful and can change a person. I had gotten to a point where I hardly went to school. (Also another thing to mention, I’m capable of getting A and A+ and was constantly told I was smart and I managed to make it into the advanced classes only to fail them later on and I also skipped a grade which only made my social issues worse, but my mind state was so bad I did nothing with it hence why my grades went down. 5th grade is when I got my first C. Every year later my grades went down and down.) I was a big burden on my parents because my feelings were so strong I couldn’t control myself or how I was feeling. Nothing really helped so I saw a psychiatrist and was put through almost all of the SSRI and SNRI that was supposed to help with depression. Throughout those medicine, nothing seemed to help. In middle school is also when I started to get bullied which only made me worse. During tests I would always get a 90-100 but even though I aced everything, the homework really brought things down. At 14 I got a job and started making friends online(because I had none in person and online was the only escape). I was and still am averaging 16 hours a day online which is very bad for my health. I never ate the right foods. I was always eating, even through the night. My triglycerides and some vitamin levels were horrible and I managed to have a fatty liver- similar disease because of the food I ate(I never drank alcohol, and refuse to). So after I got a job I had some money, but because of my severe depression I spent every cent I earned in an attempt to make myself feel better (still happens now). Also I didn’t know it at the time but I believe I had social anxiety because I could never start a conversation with someone new. So with the money one of the first things I had gotten was I bought computer parts and build my own computer. That is when I really started to try to make things better but only made things worse. I had played Minecraft from 2013-2020 (currently, and I know it’s lame but it’s the only thing I know besides watching videos all day long). I made some good friends many times but I ended up losing some because I was too sad and they didn’t want me. I did stupid things like cutting myself for reasons I don’t remember or understand. I posted those online. Now through the years I had made many friends but almost every time I made a friend I lost them in a very harsh way. (I say almost because of the friends I have currently online). So high school came around. I had finally made a friend and was introduced to a friend group. (And I should also mention I always felt left out, always, and it was the worst feeling because it felt almost like I still had no friends). My friends from high school were very nice although I only really am friends with one, because I feel left out with the rest of the group, including the friend who introduced me into it. In high school I started with advanced classes and did good for half a year (averaging 98 across all classes) but at some point I broke down and stopped doing homework causing my grades to plummet horribly. I started doing stupid things in high school, which I know I should not do but I do/did it anyways to try and make myself feel better. I started vaping and at first it was to look “cool”. I had never breathed it in, just pulled it into my mouth. Later on I got to a point where I started vaping and getting off it was a pain. (I managed to literally quit in 1 day). But I also made trouble for my teachers. And the friend group I had I felt left out of so I felt that I only have one friend. I always managed to start the year good In attempt to fix things, but later in the year it would all go downhill again. I quit my job for reasons I don’t even remember. I was working at a fast food restaurant and I was eating horribly but I managed to lose 25 pounds in a month. After I quit the money disappeared because I was so sad that I didn’t care about my life and spent all my money that I had for random people I met online because I didn’t feel like living. In sophomore year is when I started stupider things. I was in very bad health and I believe I weighed up to 320 pounds at one point (currently). Junior year I started to get better with depression. Miles better. But it wasn’t happy feeling, or good feeling. Junior year is also the year where I finally managed to control my behavior better, and acting more civil. I have irrational thoughts when I am in such a bad mind state. Hence why I did so many dumb things. And currently it is summer and I am genuinely worried about my future. I know what field I want to work in, what degree I want, etc. But I feel hopeless as if it’s going to go wrong because of my grades from messing up so bad. And the thing I really came here for is what should I do now that I am a senior. At the moment I managed to sweat to my knees with playing video games all day. I took a shower and 10 minutes later I was the same as before I took it. Soaked in sweat. My health is bad and I don’t know what I should do for my future. And I don’t know what I should work on first, college planning or my health. What should I do?

@lioness

@210030sa I read your post and colleen's response . Id like to add first you can get a complete physical then eat a vegetarian diet mostly fruit and veggie chicken or fish is good but try to stay away from a lot of red meat . Exercise also you can do this in between getting ready for college

Jump to this post

I've been thinking about that but I try to diet but I just gain the weight back anyways. I try to balance my food but because I used to eat too much and am sort of "addicted" to food it doesn't go too well, so my first goal is to try to eat less in general but it's still difficult.

Liked by lioness, jodeej

REPLY
@marjou

First of all I don t know where to start after reading your story. So I shall start by sending you a hug!
To the parts of your story that I can relate to is being diagnosed with PTSD at so young an age and on medication. There are so many labels as supposed diagnosis before properly taking in info and assessing a person. During my growing up years depression/mental illness was never talked about. It was the big secret! So I wasn't diagnosed until much later in life and seems that I'm medication resistant.
For me I bought into all those labels and now thinking maybe that wasn't so helpful but would have been better to be given skills to deal with what I have to live with versus just prescribing a pill for everything. It's better to deal with what caused it and skills/ways to better cope.
You ask whether to deal with health or college. If you're not healthy you won't be able to attend college. So I guess that's where I would start. As you progress in your health reward yourself by taking a college class to test the waters out (so to speak). I went to college on the 10 year plan working full-time and college classes at night and what I could afford.
You built your own computer which that alone is awesome and intelligent. You wrote your story which shows your courage and determination . Please continue to move forward for YOU!
Hope this is of some help.

Jump to this post

Well I didn't know about me having ASD until I the past year, and I didn't get diagnosed with depression until it was horribly bad. I usually keep quiet because part of my issue is I'm not good socially (in person at least). I feel that I sound like a normal person but in appearances and actions I do, I feel out of place. Nobody really noticed until I was hardly going to school or doing any productive work. I happen to be good at making a straight face no matter the situation. Obviously it's not all the time, because some things can be worse than others. Personally bring labeled as something doesn't mean anything to me, I just use it to gauge what issues I'm having and possible causes/solutions. I appreciate your response and it means a lot to me, thank you!

Liked by lioness, jodeej

REPLY
@gingerw

@210030sa First, welcome to Mayo Connect! As you have already read, we are quite a group of supportive people here! I am sorry but I have to disagree with you, when you say there's not much time left to get a handle on your health and College. You have started your journey with us today, and you have looking out to the future, a long ways ahead of you. What you wrote was very intelligently put down, and we all know the struggles that growing up can hand us. Deciding to take charge of making yourself healthier, and getting yourself on the journey to entering College, shows that you are positively thinking in my mind. You may have to do some extra work to get into a college of your choosing, but because you have already shown to yourself and others that you can pull good grades when you want to, use that to motivate yourself now. You already have a suggestion of possibly thinking of a two-year College to start with, and that's a brilliant idea! That would keep a lot of the pressure that you feel you are putting on yourself away, and would let you get your self into a better space physically and emotionally.

May I suggest that before you start any dramatic program to get healthier, you should get a physical check-up to see exactly where you are at. Are your parents people you can talk to comfortably? I am sure that they would want to be on your side and encouraging you as you take this new chapter in your life and run with it. Enlist the help of relatives or friends or neighbors to keep you accountable, because I know that from my personal experience that that really helps.

We are sitting in the grandstand cheering you on! You know you can do this! Please come back and talk to us.
Ginger

Jump to this post

I can talk to my parents openly but it's not comfortable at all, but I am okay with it. As for physical checkup it had been a while, and I was 6 foot 1-2 and 283 pounds I believe, I probably weigh more now and my health hasn't changed much. Also I believe positive thinking is good, but I don't feel as it's enough to motivate myself to make certain changes. I appreciate all the responses it means a lot. By the way funny reason why I asked here is because my physical health is so bad that I was sweating down to my knees after sitting in my room all day with a personal A/C unit and fan. I took a shower and right after I dried myself I felt as sweaty as before, which means my body is having some issues with regulating it's temperature which may be related to weight which is sort of related to mental issues, so it took a lot to explain where it started from.

REPLY
@210030sa

I can talk to my parents openly but it's not comfortable at all, but I am okay with it. As for physical checkup it had been a while, and I was 6 foot 1-2 and 283 pounds I believe, I probably weigh more now and my health hasn't changed much. Also I believe positive thinking is good, but I don't feel as it's enough to motivate myself to make certain changes. I appreciate all the responses it means a lot. By the way funny reason why I asked here is because my physical health is so bad that I was sweating down to my knees after sitting in my room all day with a personal A/C unit and fan. I took a shower and right after I dried myself I felt as sweaty as before, which means my body is having some issues with regulating it's temperature which may be related to weight which is sort of related to mental issues, so it took a lot to explain where it started from.

Jump to this post

Definitely start with a physical, and go from there. Your physical and mental health is so important and starting there will help you to focus on school when you are ready. I didn't start college until I was in my 30's, so it is never too late!

REPLY
@210030sa

I've been thinking about that but I try to diet but I just gain the weight back anyways. I try to balance my food but because I used to eat too much and am sort of "addicted" to food it doesn't go too well, so my first goal is to try to eat less in general but it's still difficult.

Jump to this post

@210030sa I understand that all you can do is the best you can we will be pulling for you . Your young and have your whole life ahead of you just keep thinking of that with college marriage someday and kids . Good luck Life is a rollercoaster

Liked by jodeej, 210030sa

REPLY

Getting a physical is a great first step and make sure that your blood work includes a full Thyroid work up. Some of the problems may be related to under active Thyroid. Also for the PTSD I was successful with a technique called EMDR. T

REPLY

There is a professional organization of certified professionals who are skilled in this technique. You might want to consider speaking with a career counselor and having a skills evaluation and matching that up with your likes and dislikes. You may be surprised at all the options available to you. You are still young and very aware of your issues. I restarted my life at 72 after ending a 20 year abusive relationship so it is possible. I have a list of things I want to do each day and cross them off when finished. I makes me feel successful. The advice from this group sounds great so keep involved in it.

REPLY
@210030sa

I used to see a therapist, didn't do much, and cognitive behavioral therapy I have heard of, but never really tried it. And how would I go about taking care of my health with planning my future, because there's not much time left.

Jump to this post

What in the hell!!!!!! WHO SAYS THAT THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT? So what. Live your life helping others and as many as you can. The more people you help the more you help yourself no matter how much time there is. At these moments in my life even helping a needy animal is glorius. We are going to die anyway. Be useful to yourself as well as the others. And if I am wrong I am on my knees and do sincerely appologise.

REPLY

Hi, dear sweet girl! I read all of your note and I identify with a lot of your symptoms and pain. I was in such deep, dark depression that I had a nervous breakdown and 15 shock treatments to bring me out of it. Only to assure you that God loves and cares for you and He has a way for you, too. I found out after many years of antidepressants that did not work, some therapy (individual and group) which had no effect since I did not like to talk and felt like I had no reason to be there, that my symptoms were Genetic and diagnosed by a NeuroPsychiatrist (which I HIGHLY recommend) and she prescribed Lithium which is not a drug but a natural element I have been taking it for 33 years! By the way, Jesus is my best friend and I need no other. When I was in the pit and looking down, God reminded me to look up at His Light. You have a lot of light to look at: a brilliant mind, exceptional computer skills, ability to communicate with your parents, knowledge of what you are doing right and wrong. Think on these things. Philippians 4:8

Liked by jodeej, 210030sa

REPLY

Excellent

Liked by 210030sa

REPLY
@mwsa1945

Getting a physical is a great first step and make sure that your blood work includes a full Thyroid work up. Some of the problems may be related to under active Thyroid. Also for the PTSD I was successful with a technique called EMDR. T

Jump to this post

I think I'll try it out, thank you!

REPLY
@peach414144

What in the hell!!!!!! WHO SAYS THAT THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT? So what. Live your life helping others and as many as you can. The more people you help the more you help yourself no matter how much time there is. At these moments in my life even helping a needy animal is glorius. We are going to die anyway. Be useful to yourself as well as the others. And if I am wrong I am on my knees and do sincerely appologise.

Jump to this post

No you're right, I try to help people if I am in the position to do so.

REPLY
@210030sa

Well I didn't know about me having ASD until I the past year, and I didn't get diagnosed with depression until it was horribly bad. I usually keep quiet because part of my issue is I'm not good socially (in person at least). I feel that I sound like a normal person but in appearances and actions I do, I feel out of place. Nobody really noticed until I was hardly going to school or doing any productive work. I happen to be good at making a straight face no matter the situation. Obviously it's not all the time, because some things can be worse than others. Personally bring labeled as something doesn't mean anything to me, I just use it to gauge what issues I'm having and possible causes/solutions. I appreciate your response and it means a lot to me, thank you!

Jump to this post

@210030sa Just checking in to see how you're doing? I don't consider myself a social achiever but do have one or two close friends. COVID has certainly made even going to the grocery store a challenge for me, but push myself through it. Glad you have reached out!

Liked by 210030sa

REPLY
@marjou

@210030sa Just checking in to see how you're doing? I don't consider myself a social achiever but do have one or two close friends. COVID has certainly made even going to the grocery store a challenge for me, but push myself through it. Glad you have reached out!

Jump to this post

I have a few friends but one close one, I'm doing okay right now but I haven't really left my house to do anything for a few months now. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do now that I have so much free time until senior year.

Liked by jodeej

REPLY
@210030sa

I have a few friends but one close one, I'm doing okay right now but I haven't really left my house to do anything for a few months now. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do now that I have so much free time until senior year.

Jump to this post

Sometimes I feel my accomplishments for any given day change. Like walking for 5 minutes in the house using Leslie Sansome's walking video on YouTube. She also has longer and shorter versions. Today my goal is to make my bed and clean, wash refrigerator. Not exciting but my accomplishment. So what's your accomplishment for today? Wishing you well.

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.