What does it take to moving from low self-esteem - to self acceptance

Posted by caroleeuits @caroleeuits, Jun 2 3:44pm

I was asked to talk about what self acceptance was to me on these pages – and I responded – see earlier posts in late May.

But what I want to also do is to hear is from youall and your journeying toward self-acceptance. I find that my own coming to self-acceptance is my own story – but what about yours?

What are the common threads that you have found within you that appeared and grew? What maked them grow – and what has thus happened through you – and those of others around you by their engagement with you? This is more about that internal process of becoming who you are now.

I see a lot of people read books – but I am guessing while they are valuable resources, your own life-quests tell more incredible journeys of how all the influences upon you have mattered. What is your journey to self-acceptance? Hangups? Ahaas? And finally, what are your-self discovered deep truths that empower your self-acceptance at the point you now are ?

girl-holds-world

Jesus

Liked by lioness, gaileybird1

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I'm so glad that we are addressing this topic of self-esteem. I try to have everyone like me. When someone rejects my friendship, I am saddened by their actions and wonder what is wrong with me. The other day while walking I greeted a neighbor with a "Good Morning"; she turned and walked away. Of course my day was completely ruined. I do have many friends and a loving family. Why does this particular action on the part of my neighbor bother me?

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@0616 An interesting question. I wonder who might have some thoughts about how when we are snubbed by someone it has an effect that might seem out of proportion to the slight itself?

@ginger, @parus, @georgette12, @becsbuddy

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I don't have friends because of this, when I try to make a friend and talk to them it's always about their pain and suffering and tells me that mine doesn't matter.

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@0616

I'm so glad that we are addressing this topic of self-esteem. I try to have everyone like me. When someone rejects my friendship, I am saddened by their actions and wonder what is wrong with me. The other day while walking I greeted a neighbor with a "Good Morning"; she turned and walked away. Of course my day was completely ruined. I do have many friends and a loving family. Why does this particular action on the part of my neighbor bother me?

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0616 – It bothers you because you are human and have normal human feelings. I think even the most secure person would be bothered by an outright, undeserved snub. That said, you have to realize the snub says something about your neighbor, but nothing about you. The reason could range from deafness to extremely bad mood to serious mental illness. You pleasantly greeted your neighbor; there is nothing wrong with you. Keep greeting your neighbors; most will welcome your friendliness, especially in these strange, dark days!

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This is a big topic. Caring for the SELF and holding our SELF in esteem is the work of a lifetime. That's my conclusion in my personal experience.
How to do that? Very challenging and complex question. And the answers differ with each unique individual. For me, at least, the first step is accepting ME the way I really am, without judgment. On the days that I can do this, I feel empowered. And what others say to me, or "expect " of me, doesn't matter one bit. I have been practicing "being me " without judgement, for so many years. It works as long as I work it.

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@0616

I'm so glad that we are addressing this topic of self-esteem. I try to have everyone like me. When someone rejects my friendship, I am saddened by their actions and wonder what is wrong with me. The other day while walking I greeted a neighbor with a "Good Morning"; she turned and walked away. Of course my day was completely ruined. I do have many friends and a loving family. Why does this particular action on the part of my neighbor bother me?

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@0616 Welcome to connect that is a good question to explore I have had this happen to me and I resigned myself to this . That person is in so much pain they don't want to talk . They just are to miserable to have a conversation or just to say Hi. So I don't let it bother me . It makes up all kind of people in this world so just be kind to yourself and know where and who loves you . Know its not your fault that she didn't return your salutation.

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@hopeful33250

@0616 An interesting question. I wonder who might have some thoughts about how when we are snubbed by someone it has an effect that might seem out of proportion to the slight itself?

@ginger, @parus, @georgette12, @becsbuddy

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@hopeful33250 It is an interesting question! While a part of me wants to reason that the other person didn't hear because their mind was elsewhere, a bigger part of me usually feels that I must not be of high enough value to that person, to deserve a response. I try to " shake it off" and sometimes that works. But if it is a day where I am struggling myself, and it took effort for me to step out and say something, to be shot down does nothing for my self-esteem that day [and sometimes for several more!] Then days may follow that I retreat in order to not make myself vulnerable again.

Does that make sense?
Ginger

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@gingerw

@hopeful33250 It is an interesting question! While a part of me wants to reason that the other person didn't hear because their mind was elsewhere, a bigger part of me usually feels that I must not be of high enough value to that person, to deserve a response. I try to " shake it off" and sometimes that works. But if it is a day where I am struggling myself, and it took effort for me to step out and say something, to be shot down does nothing for my self-esteem that day [and sometimes for several more!] Then days may follow that I retreat in order to not make myself vulnerable again.

Does that make sense?
Ginger

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@gingerw Makes sense to me ginger Been there ,done that

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@0616

Your welcome, I wish I can be of more help.
I'm not good at socializing with people, I hang around with my pets. I'm called the cat-lady……lol

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@gingerw

@hopeful33250 It is an interesting question! While a part of me wants to reason that the other person didn't hear because their mind was elsewhere, a bigger part of me usually feels that I must not be of high enough value to that person, to deserve a response. I try to " shake it off" and sometimes that works. But if it is a day where I am struggling myself, and it took effort for me to step out and say something, to be shot down does nothing for my self-esteem that day [and sometimes for several more!] Then days may follow that I retreat in order to not make myself vulnerable again.

Does that make sense?
Ginger

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Yes, thank you

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@hopeful33250

@0616 An interesting question. I wonder who might have some thoughts about how when we are snubbed by someone it has an effect that might seem out of proportion to the slight itself?

@ginger, @parus, @georgette12, @becsbuddy

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It seems to me we are putting an expectation on the individual to affirm and validate us and they may not have it in them t meet that need, when we come in neediness other sense that and usually know it is a need they cannot be meet, so the result is to turn away, rejection to protect self. Then we take that rejection personally and it hurts. We need t find healthy ways to get our needs met, for me it's a spiritual path.

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@gingerw

@hopeful33250 It is an interesting question! While a part of me wants to reason that the other person didn't hear because their mind was elsewhere, a bigger part of me usually feels that I must not be of high enough value to that person, to deserve a response. I try to " shake it off" and sometimes that works. But if it is a day where I am struggling myself, and it took effort for me to step out and say something, to be shot down does nothing for my self-esteem that day [and sometimes for several more!] Then days may follow that I retreat in order to not make myself vulnerable again.

Does that make sense?
Ginger

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Yes, it does make sense, @gingerw

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All of you have responded in a very thoughtful, insightful manner. If I could, I would like to approach this from another angle.

Let's look at each person who becomes an adult as though they are carrying around a paper grocery bag. If they had positive childhood experiences such as loving, encouraging supporting family, and acceptance for who they are then their bag is filled with good things and they are mostly content with the world.

Let's look at another adult who comes into adulthood from an unloving background. Perhaps they were abused, neglected, were given negative feedback about themselves and their behavior, had siblings who were favored over them. That person goes into adulthood with a near-empty bag. They constantly look to others to fill their empty bags. If someone fails to fill their bag (with the good things that they missed in childhood or worse yet add more bad garbage to their bag) they become devasted.

This example is not my own but from an excellent therapist.

Can anyone (besides me) relate to this "bag theory" of adulthood? Are we all, to some extent, looking for someone to fill our bag? Share your thoughts.

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