Caring for my husband with late-stage lung cancer

Posted by turtle115 @turtle115, Wed, Mar 25 11:14am

My first time here. My husband has lung cancer that has spread to liver, stomach and pelvis. Originally showed spot on lungs and liver August 2019. He is now 78 and has been a stroke survivor for 20 years…aphasia, walked with cane, no use of right arm. We decided not to proceed with cancer Treatments. But after Christmas things took a turn for the worse….he can stand but Can only move a little to the wheelchair bed or chair. We had CT in January which showed lung cancer, liver, stomach and pelvis. He is DNR so we wait. He is home and Hospice comes here twice a week. He has had a sore on his chin for over a month and recently, about the size of a dime, on the back of his head. He is not a complainer….. he is coughing up thick, white phlegm a lot now. He also has many tumors on his back…more every day, not open soreS but I see And feel them and some getting larger. Any one have thoughts that the sore on his head and face that maybe it has spread to the brain? How long can one survive like this? He is ready mentally and spiritually to leave this earth…..it is the waiting and watching him lose weight that is so hard. Any thoughts, help or prayers will be appreciated.

@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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@turtle115– I thought about you all day yesterday. My most heartfelt condolences on the loss of Andrew. What wonderful memories after 56 years you must have. I hope that as time goes on that you will remember them and take comfort in them. Please take care of yourself now and I hope that you will stay in touch.

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@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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Hello @turtle115

Please accept my condolences on the passing of Andrew. He was undoubtedly a very fine, loving man. I know you are glad to know that his pain and suffering are over but I'm also sure that your grief is very real.

You will fondly remember the 56 years you had together with a mixture of happiness and sadness. The mixture of feelings is normal.

In my area, funerals are being limited to only close family members, and often a memorial service is planned for after the social distancing restrictions are passed. I'm sure this must be true for you as well.

When you feel comfortable doing so, please feel free to tell us something about Andrew and share with us how you met, what he was like, his strengths and weaknesses. I and our other members, would enjoy getting to know him.

Will you be able to have your children with you now or are they restricted from coming to see you at this time?

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@rmftucker

I am so glad I was with my husband when he passed Feb 8. He was in a care center and I spent the last two days with him. It would have been so much harder to get that call in the night. They helped keep him so comfortable and although he was very quiet, I know know he knew I was there. He is at peace and no longer in pain.

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Hello @rmftucker,

As your husband just passed away on February 8, I know your grief must be fresh and real. How are you doing? With social distancing needed, the process of grief becomes more difficult. I hope that you feel supported during this time.

Please share, as you are comfortable doing so, how you are doing. How are you taking care of yourself?

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@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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@turtle115 Sending you a gentle hug [virtually] in this period of immense emotion. Each hour that passes may bring a new challenge to get through. But you will, I have no doubt. And there is no doubt, when reading your words, of the love you and Andrew shared. Relief from pain and suffering is what we strive for when faced with the situation you experienced. We're here for you even now. Share an amusing moment from your lives together with us, and smile as we will when we read the words.
Ginger

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@hopeful33250

Hello @rmftucker,

As your husband just passed away on February 8, I know your grief must be fresh and real. How are you doing? With social distancing needed, the process of grief becomes more difficult. I hope that you feel supported during this time.

Please share, as you are comfortable doing so, how you are doing. How are you taking care of yourself?

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I am doing well. Casey had been in the care center for just short of three years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and vascular dementia about 3 prior to that. We have great memories after 65 years of marriage, and also been through a lot with 5 children, 6 grandchildren, 9 g-grandchildren and 2 g-g-grandchildren. Two of my children and a granddaughter live close so see them frequently, but everyone else is scattered from Washington State to Florida, as happens with many families these days. Our son who lives in Arkansas has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer so that is a concern, but we will get through this. I'm so thankful for my wonderful church family. We are having Sunday Service live through Facebook, and a daily 5 minute prayer service at 6 pm Live on Facebook. This will continue at least until this COVID-19 pandemic is over. We have had Live Face book and YouTube services filmed and archived for several years, but only the sermons. Now they include music contributed by many of our talented members. Makes it much more meaningful.

Being unable to meet with friends for lunch several times a month and going to DAR and church women meetings has made the days lonely, but I am keeping myself busy writing notes to the shut-ins and visiting on the phone with others, offering hints to parents on Facebook of ideas I used in my 24 years of teaching lower elementary students and my own family, to occupy those busy little hands when they have to stay home.

I miss Casey like everything but know he is in a better place. The past three years have been very difficult for him and me,and I never told him I was going home, just that I had to go take care of his little dog, Suzy. He would have wanted to go home with me otherwise. He was a very busy and active man, always working in the garage or yard, playing pool almost everyday with friends at the community center, visiting neighbors, eating out with me, family and friends,etc. It was very difficult seeing his personality change so he did not see anything good in anybody and always finding fault. Refused to continue going to play pool even though I said I would take him after he couldn't drive anymore. I have great memories that will carry me through.

God is probably keeping his busy or he keeping God busy.

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@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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I am so very sorry to read this news, @turtle115 I am sure this is going to be a very challenging time — please stay in touch and let us know if those of us who have lost a spouse can answer any questions or offer support.

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@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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Condolences, thoughts, and hugs to you and your family. You will always be a part of this family ❤️

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@rmftucker

I am doing well. Casey had been in the care center for just short of three years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and vascular dementia about 3 prior to that. We have great memories after 65 years of marriage, and also been through a lot with 5 children, 6 grandchildren, 9 g-grandchildren and 2 g-g-grandchildren. Two of my children and a granddaughter live close so see them frequently, but everyone else is scattered from Washington State to Florida, as happens with many families these days. Our son who lives in Arkansas has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer so that is a concern, but we will get through this. I'm so thankful for my wonderful church family. We are having Sunday Service live through Facebook, and a daily 5 minute prayer service at 6 pm Live on Facebook. This will continue at least until this COVID-19 pandemic is over. We have had Live Face book and YouTube services filmed and archived for several years, but only the sermons. Now they include music contributed by many of our talented members. Makes it much more meaningful.

Being unable to meet with friends for lunch several times a month and going to DAR and church women meetings has made the days lonely, but I am keeping myself busy writing notes to the shut-ins and visiting on the phone with others, offering hints to parents on Facebook of ideas I used in my 24 years of teaching lower elementary students and my own family, to occupy those busy little hands when they have to stay home.

I miss Casey like everything but know he is in a better place. The past three years have been very difficult for him and me,and I never told him I was going home, just that I had to go take care of his little dog, Suzy. He would have wanted to go home with me otherwise. He was a very busy and active man, always working in the garage or yard, playing pool almost everyday with friends at the community center, visiting neighbors, eating out with me, family and friends,etc. It was very difficult seeing his personality change so he did not see anything good in anybody and always finding fault. Refused to continue going to play pool even though I said I would take him after he couldn't drive anymore. I have great memories that will carry me through.

God is probably keeping his busy or he keeping God busy.

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Thank you for sharing those beautiful memories with Connect, @rmftucker. How lovely to know something about Casey and your years together!

You have undoubtedly found a way to fill your days with meaningful activities. I applaud you for that! Best wishes as you continue on (and take care of Suzy)!

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@turtle115

Thanks for the support from everyone. Andrew passed away this evening…..peacefully…. we had a couple bad days….but glad to know there is no more pain and suffering. So thankful for the 56 years we did have. May he soul Rest In Peace.

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@turtle115– Good morning. I'm wondering how you and your family are doing since Andrew's passing? Are you resting and eating well?

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Yes, thank you. Since I live in an insisted living place our meals are brought to us three times a day…..so, at least there is no worry about food. We are confined to our rooms but I can go outside, alone, when I want to. It has been only 12 days And I feel as he has been gone so much longer than he has. Is that strange to feel that? I am thankful it was all downhill since after Christmas……so looking bank we were truly blessed he didn't suffer much longer than he did. My prayers for all who battling cancer.

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@turtle115– Hi! I'm glad that you are being well cared for! It's not uncommon to have any type of thought at this time in history and especially with losing your husband so recently. Your feelings are very normal. The sense of time, I think, dissipates after losing someone because you are probably thinking about all your wonderful, lucky years you had together. Grief is a funny fellow, it can make your mind foggy and dim reality.
https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/04/10/grief-crazy/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340
How is your health? May I ask, how did you handle a funeral for him?

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